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Anxiety Symptoms need desperate answers. bi polar?!
Hey GuysI, Im new here, and would like to start by saying thankyou for vewing this question, and that as you guys know under this delicate problem, answers always mean the world. generally the good ones lol. so my story all over the place and proberly not well put is as i continue below, answers and help to my questions though not clearly stated would be great, ecspecially ones of relating and your fixes, but as you will read at the botom i have one that has been digging me the past 2 weeks, that needs answered.
here we go.
My Name is Troy, Im 19 and I suffer day to day severe anxiety, and panic attacks. It started with smoking pot (i think) i stopped after just 2 weeks of use, (i never smoked rgualry) just on occasion when i had some i would) the second i stopped i started having hot and cold shivers every night before and after sleep, followed by a huge fight with my family, more emotional fight not aggresive, and after that i felt i blew a fuse in my brain literally, from there on in nothing felt right, my sister mention bi polar which to me explained so much, though i understand i only showed if anything minor symptoms, nothing to the degree of seeing it in some people, i was at the doctors and prescribed lithium and seroquol, both were hell and both gave me severe side effects and feeling of being numb to emotions, ever since i swore myself of meds, and after that everything has been a blur with sever acute anxiety 24/7 with no let down.
It's been 3 months and im still waiting for a proper diagnosis. anyone knowing anxiety knows with or without a diagnosis we seem to diagnose ourselves, but to not have a proper diagnosis we seem to simply have rock solid dieseses/disorders already welded into our heads. My biggy Bi Polar. Help Me stop thinking this?!?!?! its so amazingly difficult.. every sympotom i get i think bi polar or going crazy. a massive one which i just of recent find so hard to explain is this feeling of extreme overflowing of laughter in the pit of my stomach, to the point where i feel the need to smile. but being me and knowing what is going through my head i do everything in my power to stop it. also i get massive spells of depression every now and then, usually just comes on within the tick of a minute with the sensations of tingly face (very unplesant) and instant heart sinking feeling, that sometimes takes hours to subside, anything happy or not is extremly depressing, is this normal? also had a mixture feeling where i feel both the smiling feeling (sometimes with butterflies) and the extreme depression where i cant even open my mouth to say anything to mum or sister, its literally like something is stopping me, accompanied by extreme symptoms of everything eyes move jitterey and sometimes have them play tricks on me with surroundings, like things moving and or shapes of things around sticking in my vision. other sympotms that to me are distressing is really bad 24/7 derealisation where i never have felt in reality this past 3months, along with most things under the sun of anxiety. i also have the worst tendancy to look things up, ecspecially bi polar where to me now i know alot about and regardless of small symptoms i possibly have, i feel they are small symptoms to lead to the real big thing. sorry i know this is all over the place, but anxiety sufferers will read this and pin point all the symptoms straight away i know, and realise whats right and whats not. also i get constant pacing and feeling that i need to be moving constantly, to the point where i walk into rooms and not know why, which hence makes me panic, also i feel my body and mind is in 5 second delay. ill do things then wonder why or how. and lastly a few more being, waking with massive tension headaches (and very crazy indescribable head feelings) that when it wakes me i cant get back to sleep, and no longer sleep in. with these i sometimes wake with a song chorus replaying over and over in my head, also can happen during the day even a song i dont even think about or heard in years, but dont leave for hours and hours til i somehow forget it. tension headaches stay 24/7. and finally everytime i feel my anxiety getting better, never great but a little better etc tension headache relieves and i feel a little bit more in reality bang a new symptom comes on to the point where i believe anxiety is just one huge cycle of feeling better then gets worse again, i no longer have control with breathing relaxing things like that it seems to have taken on its own dictatorship of my mind. i cant stop these thing. it makes me believe ive done some form of damage to my head.
So sorry to have gone this far trust me there is so much more.
However the biggy for me right this second is trying to figure out the sudden depression out of nowhere, if this is common, and the BIGGY what the hell is this feeling of laughter brewing in my body that is so strong it irritates me and drives me insane, where i feel my face literally feel the need to smile. i cant find answers anywhere only under mania, etc bi polar, thats for uncontrollable laughter, but this is where i feel that need but it doesnt come out just brews. i just pray its not leading up to getting worse. all my symptoms pretty much do. everything has a way of feeling worse the sencond then third time round etc etc. plus what is anxiety mood swings in a clearer description or in a hypathetical situation, and though i know i proberl have these how can i disrelate them from bi polar thinking.
here we go.
My Name is Troy, Im 19 and I suffer day to day severe anxiety, and panic attacks. It started with smoking pot (i think) i stopped after just 2 weeks of use, (i never smoked rgualry) just on occasion when i had some i would) the second i stopped i started having hot and cold shivers every night before and after sleep, followed by a huge fight with my family, more emotional fight not aggresive, and after that i felt i blew a fuse in my brain literally, from there on in nothing felt right, my sister mention bi polar which to me explained so much, though i understand i only showed if anything minor symptoms, nothing to the degree of seeing it in some people, i was at the doctors and prescribed lithium and seroquol, both were hell and both gave me severe side effects and feeling of being numb to emotions, ever since i swore myself of meds, and after that everything has been a blur with sever acute anxiety 24/7 with no let down.
It's been 3 months and im still waiting for a proper diagnosis. anyone knowing anxiety knows with or without a diagnosis we seem to diagnose ourselves, but to not have a proper diagnosis we seem to simply have rock solid dieseses/disorders already welded into our heads. My biggy Bi Polar. Help Me stop thinking this?!?!?! its so amazingly difficult.. every sympotom i get i think bi polar or going crazy. a massive one which i just of recent find so hard to explain is this feeling of extreme overflowing of laughter in the pit of my stomach, to the point where i feel the need to smile. but being me and knowing what is going through my head i do everything in my power to stop it. also i get massive spells of depression every now and then, usually just comes on within the tick of a minute with the sensations of tingly face (very unplesant) and instant heart sinking feeling, that sometimes takes hours to subside, anything happy or not is extremly depressing, is this normal? also had a mixture feeling where i feel both the smiling feeling (sometimes with butterflies) and the extreme depression where i cant even open my mouth to say anything to mum or sister, its literally like something is stopping me, accompanied by extreme symptoms of everything eyes move jitterey and sometimes have them play tricks on me with surroundings, like things moving and or shapes of things around sticking in my vision. other sympotms that to me are distressing is really bad 24/7 derealisation where i never have felt in reality this past 3months, along with most things under the sun of anxiety. i also have the worst tendancy to look things up, ecspecially bi polar where to me now i know alot about and regardless of small symptoms i possibly have, i feel they are small symptoms to lead to the real big thing. sorry i know this is all over the place, but anxiety sufferers will read this and pin point all the symptoms straight away i know, and realise whats right and whats not. also i get constant pacing and feeling that i need to be moving constantly, to the point where i walk into rooms and not know why, which hence makes me panic, also i feel my body and mind is in 5 second delay. ill do things then wonder why or how. and lastly a few more being, waking with massive tension headaches (and very crazy indescribable head feelings) that when it wakes me i cant get back to sleep, and no longer sleep in. with these i sometimes wake with a song chorus replaying over and over in my head, also can happen during the day even a song i dont even think about or heard in years, but dont leave for hours and hours til i somehow forget it. tension headaches stay 24/7. and finally everytime i feel my anxiety getting better, never great but a little better etc tension headache relieves and i feel a little bit more in reality bang a new symptom comes on to the point where i believe anxiety is just one huge cycle of feeling better then gets worse again, i no longer have control with breathing relaxing things like that it seems to have taken on its own dictatorship of my mind. i cant stop these thing. it makes me believe ive done some form of damage to my head.
So sorry to have gone this far trust me there is so much more.
However the biggy for me right this second is trying to figure out the sudden depression out of nowhere, if this is common, and the BIGGY what the hell is this feeling of laughter brewing in my body that is so strong it irritates me and drives me insane, where i feel my face literally feel the need to smile. i cant find answers anywhere only under mania, etc bi polar, thats for uncontrollable laughter, but this is where i feel that need but it doesnt come out just brews. i just pray its not leading up to getting worse. all my symptoms pretty much do. everything has a way of feeling worse the sencond then third time round etc etc. plus what is anxiety mood swings in a clearer description or in a hypathetical situation, and though i know i proberl have these how can i disrelate them from bi polar thinking.
Hey Nurse Girl,
I'm so very grateful to have you here and the support means alot, as i know it would to everyone here. and not to mention what a great job your doing helping us all out.
I must say your devotion to this problem is definatly one of which i wish was available for us sufferes 24/7, like an onsight guide.
The weirdest thing has happened in the last 2 days, i had been taking over the course of 2 days, 2 and a half diazepam to get through what i though was an amazingly hard time, where i felt super depressed and that laughing urge feeling along with massive DR, i took that half this morning, even though it probably wasnt fully needed, it gave me the feeling that i could get through the day, (though not to worry, im not dependant on them) but come tonight after surely the pill wore off, im feeling more in reality, less dr, still a little but noticibly better, im not to sure of what to think of it, i keep saying to myself " just keep looking up, stop finding things to let the anxiety flare even more to take me straight back down again, because it seems i have in my head that i dont control my symptoms and attacks, and that they seem to run in cycles, etc one week feel better like im ontop of things then next bang it blows up then i have 1 bad week which worsens over the course of a few weeks, then i have these points of hope in getting better then bang. thoiugh this frightens me because every times its gotten worse i seem to expericance much much harder symptoms and more full blown that i could have even thought the week before when they were difficult and scary as all hell. the power of these things never cease to amaze me. i really cant explain any reason to as why the dr come better, whether it be the valium i dont know. but now looking at my surroundings looks so clear and more vibrant per say. but again still a little dr. is this normal? but again the urges of laughter and shifts in mood, where one second i feel like talking then the next its awfully hard like my mouth goes numb and i cant bring myself to talk with horrible senations still baffles me and makes it hard to keep positive, i know my sub concious is always thinking bi polar. relevant or not. in answer to as if i have seeken a Pysc's opinion i have and he threw me on seroqoul, only to be taken off, he and other docs/ pyschologists have said it seems to be anxiety but wont give answers. i am however still seeing a pyschologists my 3 session tomorrow, though i dont like her opinions, and her way of dealing with this eg. "how would giving you a diagnosis help" when of course i know not knowing is fueling my anxiety. im hoping we will start some cbt or something to help the journey. nd also have another physciatrist appointment coming in 2 weeks, a guy i booked in for to hopefully finally get the answers i need and want this past 3-4 months. i just hope it doesnt flare up severe symptoms and severe dr again.
p.s i still cant describe these horrible sensations i get in my head and throat. at first i knew tension headaches was a problem, but to know and feel this feeling in the back of my head, almost like shivers but not at the same time just horrrible horrible feeling, that usually conisists of it and these weird throat feeling, not closing up on me but like the head impossible to explain. these come whenever and instantly make me feel bad, even when anxiety isnt a problem when i maybe distracted bang it comes on and wow brings me straight to panic. also i find i get it at the exact same time as the severe depression worst feeling ever. lastly, sorry i know that depression can come from anxiety, but is it something that seems to just be there, or brings you down. or can it be like in my case, suddenly bang out of no where worst feeling ever. indescrible sadness throughout my body.
Thankyou greatly.
Warm Regards Troy.
I'm so very grateful to have you here and the support means alot, as i know it would to everyone here. and not to mention what a great job your doing helping us all out.
I must say your devotion to this problem is definatly one of which i wish was available for us sufferes 24/7, like an onsight guide.
The weirdest thing has happened in the last 2 days, i had been taking over the course of 2 days, 2 and a half diazepam to get through what i though was an amazingly hard time, where i felt super depressed and that laughing urge feeling along with massive DR, i took that half this morning, even though it probably wasnt fully needed, it gave me the feeling that i could get through the day, (though not to worry, im not dependant on them) but come tonight after surely the pill wore off, im feeling more in reality, less dr, still a little but noticibly better, im not to sure of what to think of it, i keep saying to myself " just keep looking up, stop finding things to let the anxiety flare even more to take me straight back down again, because it seems i have in my head that i dont control my symptoms and attacks, and that they seem to run in cycles, etc one week feel better like im ontop of things then next bang it blows up then i have 1 bad week which worsens over the course of a few weeks, then i have these points of hope in getting better then bang. thoiugh this frightens me because every times its gotten worse i seem to expericance much much harder symptoms and more full blown that i could have even thought the week before when they were difficult and scary as all hell. the power of these things never cease to amaze me. i really cant explain any reason to as why the dr come better, whether it be the valium i dont know. but now looking at my surroundings looks so clear and more vibrant per say. but again still a little dr. is this normal? but again the urges of laughter and shifts in mood, where one second i feel like talking then the next its awfully hard like my mouth goes numb and i cant bring myself to talk with horrible senations still baffles me and makes it hard to keep positive, i know my sub concious is always thinking bi polar. relevant or not. in answer to as if i have seeken a Pysc's opinion i have and he threw me on seroqoul, only to be taken off, he and other docs/ pyschologists have said it seems to be anxiety but wont give answers. i am however still seeing a pyschologists my 3 session tomorrow, though i dont like her opinions, and her way of dealing with this eg. "how would giving you a diagnosis help" when of course i know not knowing is fueling my anxiety. im hoping we will start some cbt or something to help the journey. nd also have another physciatrist appointment coming in 2 weeks, a guy i booked in for to hopefully finally get the answers i need and want this past 3-4 months. i just hope it doesnt flare up severe symptoms and severe dr again.
p.s i still cant describe these horrible sensations i get in my head and throat. at first i knew tension headaches was a problem, but to know and feel this feeling in the back of my head, almost like shivers but not at the same time just horrrible horrible feeling, that usually conisists of it and these weird throat feeling, not closing up on me but like the head impossible to explain. these come whenever and instantly make me feel bad, even when anxiety isnt a problem when i maybe distracted bang it comes on and wow brings me straight to panic. also i find i get it at the exact same time as the severe depression worst feeling ever. lastly, sorry i know that depression can come from anxiety, but is it something that seems to just be there, or brings you down. or can it be like in my case, suddenly bang out of no where worst feeling ever. indescrible sadness throughout my body.
Thankyou greatly.
Warm Regards Troy.
Welcome Troy! I'm glad you found MedHelp and our forum. We will try to help you in every way we can. You are amongst people that have been through a lot of what you are going through...so we can relate.
First of all, I must ask...who diagnosed your condition? A general practioner (family doc), or a psychiatrist? If not the latter...you need to start over from scratch and see a p-doc for an assessment and proper diagnosis. If you WERE properly diagnosed, I have to say that, especially with your age, you were initially hit with some pretty hard core meds...I'm not surprised you didn't tolerate them, which is why it may not hurt to get a 2nd opinion from another p-doc. The problem with PCP's trying to diagnose these kinds of conditions (if that is what happened here) is the fact that the disorders and conditions are VERY similar with alot of overlapping symptomatology. That's why it is necessary to have a specialist (psychiatrist, not psychologist, as they are not MD's) properly eval and diagnose you.
That's the starting point. If you HAVE already been seen by a psychiatrist...I would seek another opinion...mostly to see what another MD would say about your diagnosis and what meds he/she would recommend. Therapy is a very important component in treatment as well. While the meds usually serve to decrease some of the symptoms, therapy teaches coping techniques and helps us retrain the ways we think in order to break that anxiety cycle.
A lot of what you describe is totally typical of an anxiety disorder. Most of us just wish we had an "off" switch for our minds, b/c they certainly are way more active than we would like, which again, feeds the anxiety, which in turn adds to symptoms...and around and around it goes. The uncontrollable urge to laugh hysterically is most likely related to fearing being "out of control". We all have something different that we focus on to fear. For example, some fear passing out, some fear vomiting, peeing our pants...you name it. It all boils down to the feeling that we're not "in control", which frightens us and fuels the anxiety fire. There is nothing wrong with smiling of course...and while I can say that I'd rather have THAT sensation than some of the ones I have, it obviously is causing you distress, and is something you are currently uber-focused on.
Keep posting. We really have a lot to offer you...in terms of support and caring...not to mention people like you in the same boat sharing their experiences. You are not alone and you WILL eventually find a treatment regimen that works for you. Just keep in mind that the process takes time...which requires patience and perserverence. For those of us suffering...that is a hard thing to do, as we want relief NOW.
Hang in there...and please do let us know how you're doing!!
First of all, I must ask...who diagnosed your condition? A general practioner (family doc), or a psychiatrist? If not the latter...you need to start over from scratch and see a p-doc for an assessment and proper diagnosis. If you WERE properly diagnosed, I have to say that, especially with your age, you were initially hit with some pretty hard core meds...I'm not surprised you didn't tolerate them, which is why it may not hurt to get a 2nd opinion from another p-doc. The problem with PCP's trying to diagnose these kinds of conditions (if that is what happened here) is the fact that the disorders and conditions are VERY similar with alot of overlapping symptomatology. That's why it is necessary to have a specialist (psychiatrist, not psychologist, as they are not MD's) properly eval and diagnose you.
That's the starting point. If you HAVE already been seen by a psychiatrist...I would seek another opinion...mostly to see what another MD would say about your diagnosis and what meds he/she would recommend. Therapy is a very important component in treatment as well. While the meds usually serve to decrease some of the symptoms, therapy teaches coping techniques and helps us retrain the ways we think in order to break that anxiety cycle.
A lot of what you describe is totally typical of an anxiety disorder. Most of us just wish we had an "off" switch for our minds, b/c they certainly are way more active than we would like, which again, feeds the anxiety, which in turn adds to symptoms...and around and around it goes. The uncontrollable urge to laugh hysterically is most likely related to fearing being "out of control". We all have something different that we focus on to fear. For example, some fear passing out, some fear vomiting, peeing our pants...you name it. It all boils down to the feeling that we're not "in control", which frightens us and fuels the anxiety fire. There is nothing wrong with smiling of course...and while I can say that I'd rather have THAT sensation than some of the ones I have, it obviously is causing you distress, and is something you are currently uber-focused on.
Keep posting. We really have a lot to offer you...in terms of support and caring...not to mention people like you in the same boat sharing their experiences. You are not alone and you WILL eventually find a treatment regimen that works for you. Just keep in mind that the process takes time...which requires patience and perserverence. For those of us suffering...that is a hard thing to do, as we want relief NOW.
Hang in there...and please do let us know how you're doing!!
Also, sorry i must mention memory loss, severe, i will be taking a phone call the last words i might say is sorry whats your name and what company your from (at work of course) and ill say okay ill put you on hold and already forget their name and also company, if im lucky maybe a rough idea of their name, then my memory loss of the last 3 months since this started is poof! gone i lost my virginity in this point and that i even thought never happened and the day after thought i dreamt it up. finally even though i know i feel i need to add more ill keep it with this last one and thats restless legs, and body, where i have a massive massive feeling of uneasyness in the body like it needs to be moved but even then they may go numb or still restless like blood is over pumped in the areas.
I dont know about all this however do know ive rambled on, but even with hope someone might read this and relate which may help themselves. its really hard not being able to catigorize myself under any of the anxiety disorders though i know i have some form of disorder with anxiety, i cant pin point it i think thats what scares me as well. i dont fit into any of them, i am my own disorder with problem after problem. my life is no longer controlled, my pyscologist doesnt understand, and i feel everday is a dream, and my anxiety creates my days and future, i dont know who i am literally!! i cant look in the mirror.
Thank you guys soooo much and im sorry for taking so much time.
Much Respect,
Troy.
I dont know about all this however do know ive rambled on, but even with hope someone might read this and relate which may help themselves. its really hard not being able to catigorize myself under any of the anxiety disorders though i know i have some form of disorder with anxiety, i cant pin point it i think thats what scares me as well. i dont fit into any of them, i am my own disorder with problem after problem. my life is no longer controlled, my pyscologist doesnt understand, and i feel everday is a dream, and my anxiety creates my days and future, i dont know who i am literally!! i cant look in the mirror.
Thank you guys soooo much and im sorry for taking so much time.
Much Respect,
Troy.
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