This is really over bearing!

[trish934]

I am beginning to feeling really overwhelm "crying", this afternoon I came home from classes and I really considered suicide as a means of ending this. I am currently going to university studying nursing and I am on my second year and I have two more to go but I doubt I'll last that long if this continues. Please don't ignore this post please.  my anxiety developed since at primary(elementary) school I mean its like apart of my life now "crying" the thing is my parents never knew it and they still don't I really wonder sometimes if their blind. I was the kid who the popular girl would pick on, mocked and tizzy still had my twin brother back then to help me or stand up for me but he died when we were eleven so it just kind of continued on. When I entered high school only for about the first two to three weeks I was at peace and trying to make friends but after the class formed into their groups the girls in particular some of them just didn't like me one in particular wanted to fight with me I don't even know why? Somehow am placed I students concept like am a looser and I think this is what cause my self esteem never to developed. how I reach to studying nursing thus far is because in ended up telling myself I have to make something out of my life and I always liked dealing with the sick as well as children so that's why and I made my decision to leave that particular school spend a year in the country going to school and staying at my grandmothers house. would you believed its the same thing happen up there and to some extent a little worst, I remembered a particular student tapped behind my head and proved that she could beat me up, so from that day I was practically taken advantage of and I was having problems with my grandmother as well, I think that added to my anxiety even more and now I am terrified of humans and their advantageous behaviors. Plus up to the first high school I attended I kept getting major seizures once each year. Well from there I moved and finished my high Ed at another school, still my parents isn’t aware and I never told they just nurtured the anxiety. Now am feeling to take my life away because am fed up. Am at university and I am having the same problem although I really though everyone will act like adults it’s not so at all. These three young ladies just can't stop tizzing me and I already have my past to deal with. I feel damaged mentally, physically and emotionally. One of the girls sat next to me today and I really thought about killing her I just can’t take it anymore. Some will get hurt "crying" I am even considering to quit the program and am really not like that. it's just hopeless but am praying cause that's all I can do and that's all my mother really thought me to do.

[trish934]

thanks fro that advice about standing up for myself because, it is ruining me. i'll try with the help from the psychologist, beacuse wed coming i have a presentation to do and i just know those 3 ladies would start grinning when it my partner and i turn, to discussion our nursing theorist. am so sorry about your lost, but if you made it then so can i but with help because i feel like am on my last.

[trish934]

hi there and thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for taking the time on support me, am really sorry for not responding sooner been busy with classes. am feeling a little better and i just got my apartment next to campus therefore what i would do or hope to do is bult a strong mind and go see the psychologist on campus. then i'll  know where am going from there. your word were such an inspiration and i have save it if i have reached that point again. it is so true what you said that  I've allowed their actions to define who and what i am, but in the wrong way ill remember. thank so for speaking like a mother to me. it is so funny as well to mammo because, that particular your lady who i spoke about..she is like a size zero, pathetic of me huh!

can i write you a message when i return from the psychologist monday?

[t1979]

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Reading this, I wish that I could go to class with you and be your protector just for one day.  I too went through this in high school.  It made me be who I am today.  Back then I wanted to die but know I am proud of who I am and in a way I thank them.  Karma is a *****, and I am sure you have heard that before but it is so very too.  The stronger you are to them and stand up for yourself, no longer will they feel bullying on the weak.  That is how they look at you.... But you are allowing them to.  I too have went through a loss at a young age.  I had to "pull the plug"  on my mother.  I understand where you are at. Find it within yourself to rise above this.  You will soon see that when you have graduated college with a degree, they will come in one day at the hospital you are working at for being abused by there spouse and you will have to take of them.  Karma is a *****......

[mammo]

You have endured way too much for one so young.  I'm sure losing your brother was very difficult, and I'm sorry.  I think at this point you need to see a psychiatrist to be evaluated as to what exactly is wrong, you appear to be very depresssed, although only a professional could diagnose this. Don't feel bad about this, millions of people have these same issues and some things we just need help with.  The bullies of this world never amount to anything and often go on to be bullies as adults.  Although you were the one picked on, it is they who have the problem, not you.  Picking on you made them feel better about themselves, and not only is this wrong, it's a sign of a psychological problem.  You've allowed their actions to define who and what you are, but in the wrong way.  As much as we all want to "belong" it is the one who is not afraid to stand alone, who is truly a leader.  I think your compassion and all you've endured will make you a wonderful nurse, and we need people like you.  See a professional and with therapy and/or medication you can get thru and over this.  There are many here who have endured what you have, and we are glad you came to us for help.  You have shown great strength in the face of adversity, when many would have crumbled.  You should be proud of this.  You're a very strong, determined young lady who has much to offer the medical profession.  Please seek help ASAP, I want to see you accomplish becoming a nurse.  I know it's very difficult for you right now, try to take one day at a time, be yourself, your true friends will come.  I hope thru therapy you can lay down the anger towards the bullies and walk away, no longer a victim.  They were losers, and always will be.  You will be the winner with perseverance, education and caring for others.  I wish you all the best, you've earned it.  Never under estimate what a wonderful person you are, and you don't have to prove anything to anyone but yourself. Take care...