Depression - head pressure, hollow feeling and anger

[Asans]

hi, i fell into a major depressive episode after a period of emotional stress. since my meltdown i felt like my brain composition has changed. my thinking feels very cloudy and theres a constant heavy pressure on the top of my head and above my eyes and i sometimes feel sharp stabs of pain through my head. it's very uncomfortable and it really affects my thinking, i feel very disoriented and very very sleepy a lot. my body also feels very strange, because one of the recurring uncomfortable memories i feel is when i got slightly physical with my ex-boyfriend whilst i was feeling extremely anxious and confused and i felt very violated by him. the memory and sensation keeps playing and i feel these feelings or anger and emptiness, not just to him but also my parents, relatives etc.. i had been feeling very traumatised by few events.. the very unnatural of a close family uncle and cousin, my dad being physically and mentally very abusive and is now in prison drug offences. my brother just got diagnosed with terminal cancer and he has no will to recover or continue treatment, and my mum has more severe depression than myself. the ex-boyfriend was also very narcissistic and abrasive, which caused even more damage when i needed help. my parents have caused me a lot of pain and frustration and the anger is still lingering and eating me up on top of my physical discomfort. my close friends have also distanced because of my out of character over the period of my confusion and anxiety. will really know what i can do to help myself recover. i have not dared to see a doctor because i just dont think that i can feel better.. or that medication might help. i dont know sounds like a vicious cycle. but i knocked out and im hoping any step i take can help me address my issues and help me get better. sorry for the long post.

[meg307]

I have major panic attacks that I believe are rooted to childhood abuse. My father was also very mentally and physically abusive. He's one of those upper middle class intelligent family men that everyone loves the moment they meet him. This makes it all the more frustrating when friends and family members think I'm just an emotional brat for showing him no respect. They have no idea how many times I was thrown into walls and grabbed around the neck. They don't know all the hurtful times I was told that I was a ***** and was fundamentally flawed, that no one would ever be able to stand me and I would be alone forever. He only abused me when my mother wasn't home so she doesn't even believe me. Its frustrating to feel alone constantly. If you ever need to talk, let me know. I'd love a ***** buddy! Haha

[Paxiled]

Because you know what set this off, I suggest finding a good psychologist for talk therapy.  Medication might tamp down the symptoms, but it won't cure anything, and it won't help you work this stuff out of your system.  So start with a psychologist for therapy, and if the therapist feels medication is necessary he or she will tell you to see a psychiatrist.  Good luck.