Seever anxiety....please help me.. if you can..

[kaylaroo]

Hi my name is Kay. Im 20 years old and Ive been suffering from severe anxiety for about 5 years now. Its so bad that I havent been able to leave the house in 3 months. I havent seen our town mall in 2 years. I had to cancel going to college and cant get a job to help out my family. I cant hang out with friends, visit family members..go out shopping, eat at restaurants..I am not able to do anything I want to, even go for walks with my dog or car rides with my family. Even having friends over is really hard...which is why Ive lost most of my friends. I feel fine all day and the minute someone mentions leaving the house I feel sick and feel as though I have to run to the washroom to throw up. Then I feel sick the rest of the day. I start to get dizzy and hot and my head starts to sweat. All my roots get soaked and I feel like Im going to faint. The main symptom though is that im going to vomit and that doesnt go away. Ive been on Effexor for 3 years and it has not helped. Im on prevacid, domperidome,buscopan and was recently just put on paxil...also a few other pills that I cant recal the name. Im 20 years old and I take 8 pills a day....I do not want to live like this forever...plus I dont want to live my life being forced to stay in my house forever either. There would be no point to living. I just want to be normal. This all started in grade 10 for no reason and with no warning...I just felt sick and I thought it was the flu..but it stayed everyday causing me to miss alot of school in highschool...having to quit a few months before graduating..but having a doctors not to get my diploma...I missed my graduation..my prom..which I counted the days down since grade 9 for id say...I havent been able to ever party with friends...go shopping with friends..go out to bars..I cant leave my house...I get soo depressed about this that I start having a hard time seeing why I should live this life. Ive tried other kinds of treatment....ginger pills...esodynamics...nothing has helped me..I just want to give up. Im at a point where I dont even know what to do anymore. My family is getting annoyed and is starting to think im making this up. My doctor just keeps uping my dosage and adding in more pills...I dont want to be on pills my whole life...especially if they arent even working...can anyone please help me...I havent even had the chance to really live my life yet...or do anything normal ppl do at 20 years old....or any year actually....what can I do to help this stop. I cant take it anymore... I want to leave the house so bad and everytime I try and I get sick...it makes it even harder to try the next time. I havent seen the outside in 3 months and I want to just quit....please help me.. thank you for reading this..

[bowla004]

Wow that made me cry just reading this post! Thats aweful! Don't ever be ashamed to be on this forum. Your sisters are just being siblings. But that is harsh what they said to you. Just like my friend who said you don't have a right to an opinion because you don't leave the house. It hurt me bad. But this is cool yesterday i got her back so bad. I got out of the house last night and went to disneyland in the rain it was cool there was like no one in the park! I skipped the fast rides though my panic attack only lasted five minutes. It was really nice last nigh just my husband and i. So anyways this friend lives down the street from disney. So my husband had an idea he said what if i surprise her, so i did i walked in her apartment and said so i can't leave the house huh look at me! LOL it was awesome to see her face!lol! I find that i still have panic attacks but there not as bad, yet i still haven't conquered going out in the daytime yet. Because i think back of all the times my husband had to take me to the emerengcy room because of my panic attacks and i didn't know what was going on at the time i was scared. And i would sit in the emergency room all day then as soon as night came i would be sitting up in the er laughing and watching tv with my husband after the 10th trip to the emergency room and like the 100th test done on me. Trust me the doctors had done every test from my head to my feet done. They finally ruled out every disease you could imagine then they said i have been havin panic attacks and gave me xanax to calm them down when they happen. I found it started to work. I don't really have bad panic attacks anymore but im still scared cause for some reason every panic attack i have had has happened in the daytime. i know i have to get over that fear of going out in the daytime. It's so hard. I haven't been to the er in a long time but i always fear that if i go out during the day i will get a bad panic attack and have to go to the er again even though i haven't had a really bad panic attack since i have been on the xanax. I wouldn't recommend the xanax cause im addicted to it and am trying to slowly ween myself of of it but it does help for those panic attacks though. My husband calls me a vampire cause he can only get me out at night lol! Anyways getting back to  you i rant too much as well lol!! Im kidding don't listen to your sisters when they tell you your stupid for going on this forum. Take a look for yourself , look at your post at the beginning of this forum. Look how sad you were, read your post till the end of this forum look how you have improved and definitly are much happier now. Since your first post you have improved sooo much. Your attitude i can tell is totally different. And your sis might get mad at me but if they can't tell then there stupid, cause just by your post everyday i can tell you have made such an improvement. It is a slow process your family needs to understand that you need time and i know you have had five years the longer you have the harder it is so they need to understand this. I have had it for five months now and i recently found out i had it two months ago i didn't even know what the heck was going on with me lol! You have not only improved yourself but by this forum you have helped others as well. My husband thinks your god sent! LOL! He loves me going on this forum cause he has seen my improvement i went from not leaving the house at all to leavin but staying in the car, to now going places and walking around at night. Still have to conquer the daytime though. He always tells me are you going to o on your forum today and talk to your friend you need to tell her your progress. He likes this forum. Anyways i hope to continue to see you on this forum. Chat at you later bye.

[kaylaroo]

hey yeh he says he understands..and hes really helpful when hes here and im actually able to leave with him once and a while..but just when it comes to me going out there..he kinda gets upset about me not going...it makes it seem like i dont want to go or something.instead of the fact that i do want to and just cant. And about the weak thing....im so weak when i leave too...especially cause of my panick atttacks...i feel im going to throw up..i cant walk in a store for more then 5 minutes without starting to feel sick which then makes me lightheaded and then dizzy and i feel like i could pass out in the aisle...which is why i sit down as much as i can. sometimes i have had to sit in the aisle..and pretend i was looking at something on the bottom but really it was cause i was so weak....i always say i  need a wheel chair but i cant go anywhere so the wheel chair would be pointless sitting at my house haha. and i know what you mean by depending on ppl...i need my mom to go get my perscriptions for me...i cant go..i cant leave so..its awful. and with you how you start to think about passing out and panicking....i dont worry about passing out....i panick and think about throwing up....then i worry and start to feel even more sick....what i really need is some sort of drug that just calms me right down! every muscle in my body lol....i mnight be a lil out of it but it would be worth it! hahaha...and im very happy you have found a way to sortve control your attacks...i cant at all...i try so hard...but the feeling of getting sick just gets so bad..then the whole sweating and dizzy light headedness comes and then i cant get it to go away...so i spent a few hours in my room crying tonight...after i finished writting you earlier i went downstairs to where my sisters and mom were and i said "ok mom you can have the computer im done writting on my forum" and my sister was like "forum? why do you have a forum" and my mom was like "to talk to ppl about her anxiety"and my sister was like  "you actually go and complain to ppl about your anxiety oh my god" so that hurt me a lil and then i was mad and said well its cause i cant talk to you guys about it so who else am i guna talk to ..and then it lead to a convo and my sister ended up saying...well at least I can leave the house...and i was like..not like you do cause you have no friends(harsh i know i was just pissed) lol (she does have friends...) hahaha...anyways so then my other sister stepped in and said "did you take your pills today or what" and I was like.."you take your pills" (once again bad come back cause shes not on any) and then my other sister stepped back in and said "we dont have any were actually normal) so then i slapped her in the head....i was sooo pissed!!!!! lol and i went to my room and cried for 2 hours....they could be rude about anything else...cause sisters fight and i wouldnt care if they said i was fat or anything ya know cause i would just be like whatever...but i hate it more than anything when they say stuff about this...im already so depressed about it it just makes it harder and worse on me. but then they start saying..shes rude to us why should we have to take it ...but i try not to ever be rude to them...sure ill say stupid stuff sometimes that sisters say to each other but i mean come on...my sister was so mad at me cause i said she has to change her cheesy smile cause she looked unhappy to be there in the pics she waas in and was forcing the smile...so thats why she freaked out and was angry with me. whatever..anyways ha...i rant to much...bye for now

[bowla004]

Hey whats up! That sucks about your boyfriend! Obviously he doesn't understand what you are going through. And you will get that alot. But don't give up.  It's good to know im not the only one who is weak. Not that thats a good thing but i was getting a little freaked out cause i can't even walk in a store for ten minutes without getting short of breath or feeling like im going to pass out. Never did make it to disneyland this week im supposed to go tm but my husband has to rent me  wheel chair because im so weak! lol! i feel like im dyin even though the docs say im completly healthy lol! But im going to try to exercise tm well see. My husband got a little mad at me yesterday cause i wanted him to go and get my prescription for me and he said i have to start helping myself kinda like your bf wants you to cancel the flight. I did get my prescription and it felt good cause i didn't depend on him for once. But in your case your bf wanted you to come down and visit him so he should be the one to cancel your flight thats just wrong. Oh and talk about having a panic attack over friends coming over my friend was over today and we were watching a movie then all the sudden i had these thoughts about what if i pass out right now. I began to get lightheaded and short of breath so i went in my room by myself for about 10 to 15 min and i was able to calm myself down. Im not proud of myself for still getting panic attacks but now i can control them to a point thats what im proud off. So get back to me i will talk to you later email me. k bye

[kaylaroo]

Hey girl! I didnt get to cancelled...i txt msged and asked if he left yet wanting to cancel...but he never got back to me and then just showed up half hour later...im kinda glad though cause i ended up having a really good time....I woke up today anxious as ever to go to the docters.....didnt have a panick attack like with the sweatind and vomiting before i went though which was good..i guess cause i know docters offices have tons of medication and what better time to get sick then at the docters where they can help you hahaha.. so hes taking me off my effexor..and as hes decreasing my effexor hes adding in paxil. ....maybe this pill will at least help me leave for rides and stuff i hope anyways....my bf is beyong disapointed that i cant go this wed. hes making me cancel the flight and i dont even know what to do or who to call.. he says he understands but i dont think he really understands how severe my anxiety is....i dont think any one except the ones who have it....I have so many ppl say to me "well i know this person has anxiety and they have 2 jobs and just dont let it bother them."and then i say then they dont have the anxiety i have and they will be like "well ya they have a hard time"and im like obviously not since they can go to two jobs and such...everyone thinks anxiety is just this little thing you can put past you...but if they only lived in our shoes for a week they would want to scream....and I know...nothing bugs me more than ppl asking me why Im not in school or why im not out there working like most 20 year olds...and like you said im going to lose it if they keep asking me....i sometimes just want to freak out and tell them off...but ive never told off anyone in my life lol....but i do feel like telling them to stay out of it im not their kid its not their life who cares what i do. and to your answer.....i have no energy ever....i am def not active...my dad bought me a treadmill since i cant go for walks outside....i dont even have energy to walk on that....10 minutes and im guna faint .....i sleep over 14 hours a day id say.. i have no energy to do anything. so its not just you...and i sometimes wonder how im not getting fat because all i do is sleep eat and go on the computer....but i dont know i seem to be losing weight sometimes from being depressed aswell...and if something is happening or ppl are coming over i cant eat all day..its horrible...i wish i drove cause i would def. get in the car by myself and just see if i coukld drive to the nearest tim hortons and back just to get out with out any pressure from anyone..but i cant cause i cant go get my full license because of my anxiety..so it all realllly sucks.. well bye for now!

[bowla004]

I understand you completly! If one more person ask me when im going to go back to work im going to lose it seriously! Oh and i get nervous too at doctor appointments i have to see my pshcologist every two weeks and it is such a hassle for me. Don't feel bad my friend is 25 and he doesn't have a job. Well thats because he is lazy! lol! But you have an excuse though. An excuse most people should be more understanding off. Oh don't fret about cancelling with your friend like i said we all have our bad days. I have cancelled many of friends got a lot of friends mad at me oh well. Life goes on. Keep moving forward. I have a question do you get weak from being in the house so much or do you keep active? Cause i know i have been getting really weak from being in the house so much cause all i do is lay around. I think it's because i went from a physical job to just laying around the house. You think i would gain weight but the funny part is i have lost 30 pounds. Depression can do that to you. Anyways i gots to go im going to attempt to go out of the house right now to get some starbucks im craving coffee chat at you laters.

[kaylaroo]

Hey girl!! Ok I have something to admit....tonight when my friend said he was coming over to play wii..and I msged you about how sick I felt and that I ignored my wanting to cancel....well few minutes later...I tried to cancel...I txt msged him and was like..."have you left yet"wanting him to say no...so i could tell him not to....but he never msged back so he ended up showing up anyways...I then felt better about 5 minutes into it and had a really good time, he asked me to go for a walk because he wanted to talk about his gf issues....but I couldnt go....just to go around the block...isnt that sad? maybe the fact that its -37 degrees c. has a lil to do with it...but still haha..what makes me mad though is that...he was just here 2 days ago...and I had a easy time with him coming over...and then tonight it was awful....and its not just with him...even my friend andi-lee..and ive been hanging out with her since i can remember...so its not like its an uncomfortable thing with him or anything... so my other friend jake who i havent seen in months and who i miss wants tohang out monday for an hour and catch up...he wants to go sit at tim hortons....I wont be able to do that...and i hate having to ask him to stay at my place cause my sisters are always around and stuff ya know? hes going to get annoyed... Now all weekend ill be dreading monday because I know Ill have to go through the anxiety again ...tomorrow i have a doctors app. and im worried about that too....i used to be able to go to the doctors no problem...but now im starting to panick cause Im guna ask him to take me off these pills..and im a lil scared to get off them cause ive been on them for 4 years..but hiow much worse can i get right? so im guna be brave and do it.. i hope he lets me...maybe then i can try a new pill or something... i dont know.. and I know how you feel about having to tell work you cant go back yet....except for me it was with school....I stopped going beginning of may in grade 12 and then i never went back...I had to graduate with a doctors note...missed my graduation and my prom...i counted down the days to  my prom a year before.. then this came...im still crushed about that..cause that only happens once...but I was always to scared to call and say I couldnt go ...which is also why I cant work...or go to college like I had planned... so im really hoping this goes away soon...cause if one more person asks me why I dont have a job at 20 years old I will hurt them haha...its sooo annoying...and it gets to you...and what do you say? because i have anxiety? ppl dont understand how severe anxiety can be...they always say...so what...i have some anxiety i work 2 jobs or something...and its like urggggggggg go away! So i cant work who cares...exactly I AM only 20...I have my whole llife to work. I will when im ready....anways now im ranting on and getting into things to much! hahahah Hope to hear from you soon! and I havent left the house since my aunts on new years day aswell....