help

[Mrsrob822]

Well this is night 3 of no sleep during the night and constant panic. I have always had sparatic panic and anxiety issues. But it seems like everything is coming to a head. I'll give you a brief history. I am the daughter of a bipolar mother and clinically depressed grandmother. I have dealt with bouts of depression, but thank God, no signs of bipolar.
I can usually handle my depression issues without the need for medical intervention. I've only had to get help for depression once when I was a teen. My family dr. prescibed me an antidepressant at 17 and sent me along my way with no education or support. Big mistake, I flushed them and vowed never to take them again, after my depression worsened and I was seconds away from commiting suicide. I'm 30 now and have been okay without antidepressants since.
But my anxiety is a whole nother situation. I had a bad bout of anxiety attacks for about a year after my husband and I both lost our jobs and I began to deal gerd and gallblatter issues. After my gallblatter was removed, my anxiety eased greatly. 1 year panic attack free. And pretty good sleep regimen.

Well now to the present. On April 15 of this year I got a call in the middle of the night saying that my mom passed away. I handled things pretty well. Got through the funeral and immediate greiving process pretty well. Went back to work 2 weeks later ( work from home), My husband finally started working again, all was pretty well. I have allowed myself to grieve my mother naturally. I have a lot of moments of sadness, but no real depression issues.Things started to downward spiral when I noticed that started having random family reaching out to call and wanting to come by, The thought of having to talk to family, automatically sent me into panic. My mother's younger brother and nephew (my younger cousin) came to town and the thought of interacting sent me into a constant panic and worry state. I began to hate the thought of my family calling, and i started to dodge calls. Most think that because of my work hours that I just don't have time to talk.
Then my husbands job required he started alternating working the night shift. I was already having trouble sleeping due to the fact that I work from 1:45 - 10:15pm, up until a week or 2 ago I was working in my bedroom And at night is when I tend to miss my mom the most. Now I'm up all night.

Well 2 nights ago the full blown panic attacks have begun. My neighbors and I are very close, my aunt's home which is 2 doors down caught on fire a month ago. they are currently in a rental. Well one of my other older neighbors came screaming at my window at 4am, because she saw an intruder trying to climb in there window. I immediately  went into a panic attack and could barely call the police. Then last night, at 4am I cot another 4am call. The repo man came into my yard and attempted to repossess my car. He was in my gated off yard illegally, and threatened me. Luckily my neighbor came out and we called the police they almost came to blows because the guy was ruthless, and rude the police came and told him he was breaking the law and he left quickly.  My husband had to come home because I couldn't calm down. I had just that day made payment arrangements and they hadn't pulled the order to repo.

Here I am tonight 5 am. Shaking, afraid waiting for something to go wrong. I have a dr.'s appt in the morning. If anyone actually reads my long drawn out story, Any advic

[Mrsrob822]

Thanks for replying. I went to urgent care this evening. I couldnt think about spending another night like last night. I talked to a really nice doctor. Mine is out of town until the 17th of September. She said we should start with Ambien to see if I would be able to aleviete some of my problems by getting some actual rest. And if that didn't work to come back and we would try xanax. I was actually feeling better, knowing that i may not spend another long night up in misery. I dropped of the scrip and went school supply shopping with my daughter and bf. To only get a call saying that the Dr. forgot her dea # off. So my friend volunteered to spend the night with me.

So I'm hoping to at least try and relax. She said she can't put me to sleep but she can at least stay up and keep me company. I was so embarressed to go in and talk to someone, that I broke into a cold sweat. and my bp went up. But afterwards I felt so relieved. I couldn't even be upset with the dr. She was so nice and caring. I didn't feel quite as crazy as when she did't give me that look that I was expecting. Well wish me luck tonight.

thanks again for reaching out. It really helps to know i'm not alone

[dolphin8808]

Hi huni, first of all, I am so sorry. I know this is hard, I have also lived with panic and anxiety for years and yearts. This is just a phase and you will get through this.

I personally take Zoloft and I have xanax on hand. I know you have not had luck with Antidepressants but do you have any kind of fast acting help such as Xanax?  It helped save my life. I am the type who does not just have a panic attack that lasts 15 minutes. I live in panic mode for days. ***** and is sooo terrible.

Do you have someone who understands panic and anxiety that you can call or reach out too?  Like a support network?  Sometimes knowing you can call and someone can help talk you down can be a HUGE help.

Finally do you work out and do you meditate etc?  Someway to burn off the extra energy etc?