So tired of anxiety & PA...driving me crazy

[Chrissy1972]

When will my voice of reason kick in and tell me once and for all these are just feelings. Why cant I make them just go away? Why do I still get scared & fear this?  The entire ride to work today I had such bad anxiety i felt like I was on the urge of a PA. Part of me wanted to just go back home but I know I cannot succomb to agoraphobic feelings.  My 1st 40 mins in my office I had such  high anxiety. I already had to take .25mg of xanax. As I am typing this I am finally starting to feel ok.
I would just like one day free of these feelings.....Its been quite a few hard weeks here. Struggling each day with my feelings it gets me so frustrated. its crazy.
I feel like I have the voice of reason on my left shoulder and the anxiety devil on my right.....I need that voice of reason with me 24/7 and that devil demolished!

[Chrissy1972]

Hi Flob & CJ

My boss does know whats going on but no the the extent. I have been here a long time so they are understanding and I am a very hard & one of the better workers he has.
I dont want to reveal too much and make them think I cant handle stress. My job isnt causing the anxiety. I think its the fact that if I have an attack I cannot easily run or flee if need be. I also am afraid of passing out and looking like a fool in front of coworkers. Mind you I have had a panic attack here before but for a few yrs they were all but gone or very infrequent. Just anxiety kept at bay. Now I feel a bit agoraphobic. I need a .125mg or .25mg just to get in my car & drive here. It was much better today. Still uncomfy but much better than the start to my morning. Hoping the rest of my day goes well.
Thanks for your input.
Have a great day!

[cj29]

I would have to agree with flob.  We know it is going to come, so coping techniques are a must in my opinion.  I also agree with you, Chrissy that it is very emotionally and physically draining, especially in the beginning!  Does your boss know what you are going through?  A couple of years ago, when mine flared up, I actually sat down with him and explained what was going on, and I was amazed how understanding he was with it.  

[flob]

"Just the fact that you are at work despite your anxiety is represents SIGNIFICANT progress in dealing with this."

i totally agree with what cj said. i read your post before i went to work and i thought about commenting...even thought about saying something similar to this...but i didn't actually do it. actually it got me thinking about my own anxiety because i had considered calling in when i woke up...last night i had bad bad dreams and woke up with anxiety. luckily i didn't have a bad day, though. anyway...to get to the point....i agree. the fact is you went to work. you were able to function. you may have experienced anxiety symptoms, but they didn't control you...and thats something to be proud of.

you said this is the first time you've experienced it like this at work and you don't understand why. is it because times right now are more stressful than usual? not just at work but at home too? maybe with finances or anything? i know that when i experience more stress at home, it DOES effect how i feel at work and vice versa. this is something to consider. also, things you're not entirely concious of might be effecting your anxiety. i wouldn't let it bother you that you're having anxiety at work. i know it's easier said than done...but i would just accept that it's going to happen and just try to find a safe plan for dealing with it when it does. go on a walk around the building or outside to clear your mind. those things are very important if you're stressed out at work. just try to find a plan.

this is JUST a suggestion...sometimes i find that if i am experiences anxiety at work, i will go on a walk to try to clear my head or go sit outside and let my mind wander. daydreaming IS actually very healthy for you. then if i don't find relief, i take my med. this may be something you already do too...but i thought i'd mention it because sometimes i don't always need to take something after i do that. sometimes that helps enough to be ok for another couple hours, in which case i repeat it again.

[Chrissy1972]

Thanks CJ. You are right I need to remember my accomplishments. I  am here & after a few mins I really did throw myself into my work. I am so fatigued now though between the adrenaline rush earlier and taking a little more xanax than I wanted. Only 1 more hr left to my workday. Then I get to go home & relax.
Some days it does seem a struggle just to get to work. The feelings I get knowing that if I have an attack I cant leave...I have to be here, I have a job to do. My office is on the 2 floor and not close to an exit. I have been here 11 yrs and this has been the 1st time I started having such bad anxiety at work. Not sure why but I know I have to deal with this.
Thanks again!

[cj29]

Just the fact that you are at work despite your anxiety is represents SIGNIFICANT progress in dealing with this.  In my experience, when I first went through this, getting to work, letting alone focusing on my job was extremely stressful and formidable.  I struggled daily for months.  I think that you need to give yourself credit for your accomplishments with this.  When we are going through this, we tend to focus on all that is going wrong, and don't focus on what is going right.  You made a choice, despite your fears to go to work...you are confronting it.  It takes a lot of courage and determination to do that!