fear of dying

[crazycow]

Hello everyone,

I just thought I would ask you all whether you suffer with th same fears as me.

Ever since I was a young girl I have feard death, the prospect of my whole body switching off and facing eternal nothingness fills me with dread. I know people keep telling me that when your dead you wont know it, it will be like sleeping forever, but I just cant stop thinking about it, when will it happen and whats it going to feel like? Does anyone else suffer with this awfull fear?

I suffer with panic attacks and anxiety which bring on all sorts of physical symptoms, I will list some that I am struggling with at the moment -
neck/shoulder pain
flashing in my eyesight
headaches (almost every day)
scalp pain
back pain
sinus problems
pain in the jaw and around the ears
strange head sensations
some vertigo
short episodes where I feel like I cant swallow......................... the list is quite long, sorry :)

So all these symptoms are pretty scary, ive looked them up on the net (i know, big mistake) and it comes up with all kinds of horrible stuff, strokes, TIA's, anuerysm's........ which terrify me, its all I think about and im only 22! The doctor says he thinks im ok, I had a CT scan a year ago which came back normal, guess im just paranoid.

Please let me know if enyone else feels the same, I would really like to hear from you, thanks xx

[misha201]

Hello there. I suffer from anxiety as well and yes it is very scarey. I feel like Im going to die and I get very scared. I sometimes have to call an ambulance because of my fear. I am now taking xanex when I feel anxious which I wish I didn't have to but no choice at the moment. Best thing for me to do is realize Ive been thru this before and I didn't die..its just an awful thing to deal with. Hang in there!! I know people think we are crazy but they aren't the ones that have to live with these fears..we do unfortunately :( it will be okay tho just live your life the best way you can and death will seem less scarey..that helps me. good luck!!

[Chrissy1972]

Hi Crazycow

I feel all the same symptoms as you are and it stinks!!
You are not paranoid, you are just anxious.

[peaceinknowing]

I am the same way and fear the same things that you do. I check my pulse I don't know how many times a day to make sure I'm not having a heart attack, even when I'm up moving around doing what others would view as seemingly fine. I guess everyone that suffers from anxiety fear a lot of the same thing. I just know that it's good to know I'm not alone in the world when it comes to my train of thought.

[crazycow]

Yeh its good to know were not alone, but what can we do about this fear? I mean, people always say to face your fears, like spiders etc, but how on earth can I stop fearing death?

[morbidlyeuphoric]

I'm obsessive about dying. It terrifies me, and I have all of the symptoms you have as well. I also walk around checking my pulse..and I do it while im laying in bed before I go to sleep juuuust to make sure. I'm really obsessed with my heart rhythm. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who does that. I feel like such a freak when I do it.

I have no idea how to stop fearing death...it's not exactly one of those things you can experience and then come back and say ok that wasn't so bad:p I have problems watching movies where people die instantaneously and without any warning and will think about it non stop for days because it bothers me so much!! Does anyone else do that?

[peaceinknowing]

You and I must've been seperated at birth because I go about checking my pulse what seems like all day long. If I'm at work and there are a lot of people around, I'll run off to the bathroom and check it there and look in the mirrors to see my eyes and make sure they're not doing anything weird, etc. I also check my pulse for a little while when I go to bed, too. You sound just like me to an extent that it's kind of weird, HAHA!

[morbidlyeuphoric]

Does it ever feel like your heart is beating super fast but when you check your pulse, it's actually beating at a normal pace? That happens to me a lot. It's one of the strangest feelings.Or I feel like it's skipping a beat, but once again when I feel my pulse everything is perfectly normal.

[detpiston7788]

Hey i hear ya on that. Ealier this year i was a total mess! It became one concern after another, if not HIV, then Liver problems, if not that, then cancer and the list goes on... I've had so many tests done and all came back fine but i still continued to look up diseases and compare symptoms to whatever symptoms i have and belive me, i was so scared for a while that i couldnt eat, i lost a tone a weight (which was actually a good thing, i needed it :) )  But then, i started taking meds and doing the thearpy thing and statyed away from the net.. Thats the biggie..Stay away from looking up diseases on the net... Very bad!!! Best thing u should do is go out with friends, get yourself into interests u might have.. Please do that, life is too short to worry constontley when at the same time your ok! Just tell yourself this  "Everyone thing is going to be ok"  You also should get in touch with an anxiety support group.  

Best wishes.
Adam

[flob]

i'm terrified of death. it's very easy to allow it to consume me...but one thing that i've found to help is simply numbers. sheer numbers of people who've already died and who will die....there are 6 billion some odd people in this world at this very second...all will be dead within a hundred years or so. ALL of them...that doesn't include everyone that's come before now and all that will come after...and everyone who ever has and ever will exist will die. imagine just 6 billion, which is only a fraction of the amount of people who've already died....thats a huge number. that really helps me to view it as just another part of nature. it also helps me realize i truly love life and so i don't take it for granted as much. whats more imporant is that i have to die...we all have to die...so that other people get a chance to live life. if humans didn't die, then you and i simply wouldn't be here to begin with. this comforts me to know that death is all part of the process so that someone else will get to experience life. why should i be so selfish to hog it all for myself?

anyway...these thoughts help me accept death for what it is. i don't know that they'll help anyone else...but they do me. death is a process of life...not and ending. we still exist in some form whether there's an afterlife or not. thats what i think anyway.

[crazycow]

Thanks everyone for the kind messages, its lovely to know im not alone.

Just a quick question, what do you think happens after we die?

[morbidlyeuphoric]

this is STRICTLY my opinion. I personally believe in an after-life-I've seen too many odd things to NOT believe in one-so I don't believe we just stop existing. However, because of this, death freaks me out even more because I don't exactly follow my religious beliefs. I just have them. So, if we do go to Heaven or Hell, and I'm all destined to go to the latter, you can see why I might be a bit conflicted and not too terribly overjoyed about the whole death thing. I hate that I can't just make a decision about it. It might make my life a little easier. Anyone else?

[crazycow]

Im terrified that there just isnt anything, that life will just stop. I mean theres so much I want to know, about the meaning of it all about all the other planets out there, I dont want to stop existing.  As, for my beliefs, well, im just not sure. Sometimes I look at Buddhism and watch the Dalai Lama and think, yeh that makes sense. I wish I had a faith.

[morbidlyeuphoric]

I'm almost the opposite of you. If I could get it together and stop being so ambivalent towards religion, it might not be so bad. If you're interested in spirituality, there's all kinds of things you can read that are super interesting. Skelly88 might be a better person to ask about that though:) He knows more about it than I do.

But I also hate the idea of nothing. So maybe I also ambivalent. Death is just one of those tricky subjects that you can talk about until the day you die w/o ever resolving it. Although, I will say, being in the health field, I've seen a lot of death. And a lot of my patients who were scared of dying, by the end they were totally at peace with it, they knew it was their time and they were ready to go. I asked one of them how they knew one time, and she said honey, honey, you'll never know until you get here, and you'll never be at peace with it if you're one of them people who's scared of it. Not until it's your time. Then you'll be okay.  That's of course assuming I die of old age....

[peaceinknowing]

Yeah, I have to feel my heart rate all the time just because of that. Thinking that my heart is pounding like it's never done before... But then when I check it, it's okay other than a littla racey from me getting it up to where it is from worrying a little. I also find it weird how calm I am when I read through what other people have to say and then help them, yet I can't do it for myself. It's almost as though I have to have someone else reassure me that what I am thinking isn't really happening.

[morbidlyeuphoric]

I'm the same way...just reading that you do the same thing I do is calming for me:)

As for the whole giving/taking advice, i'm right there with you. I can give it, but I'm terrible at taking it. I really don't know why. Even if a person later tells me the advice I gave them worked out great for them, I still can't listen to myself. But then, they probably couldn't listen to themselves either. Otherwise, why get advice? I think we all need that little push from other people to help ourselves out.

[Skelly88]

I do the same thing, i'm always checking my pulse, worrying about my heart, thinking i'm having a heart attack, i have a terrible fear of death, i think all that just comes along withthe anxiety, ya know? and it *****, dont worry, you have so many people here that experience te same things you do. you're not alone. promise.

[LoganLehman]

I walk around checking my pulse as well, haha. I try to laugh at it, but its hard. I can't think straight, i have loss of appetite, and its just terrible. Do you know if anxiety causes cold feet as well? even if its like room temperature?

[Laurallei]

Dear Crazycow

Last November I began having panic attacks.  At first I did not know what was happening.  I then became afraid of dying.  I went a whole week with out sleeping for fear that I would die in my sleep. I had many of the same symptoms you and the others have had.  I literally thought I was going crazy.  My boyfriend took me to the emergency because I was so slepep deprived.  That is when I got my first shot of Ativan.  I came home slept for 8 hours or so and then was back feeling the same way after the Ativan wore off. This went on for a few more days,  I then contacted my family cousler that I hadn't seen in ages and started seeing her again.  Once I started seeing her I was diagnosed with post traumatic stress.  I had taken care of my Grandfather for a few years and was with him when he passed.  At the time I thought that I could handle it and life went on for a year or so and then one day the fear of dying set in.  I ended up at the doctors office and have been on medication since.  The medication has helped a lot but so have my cousling sessions.  Death has been a big part of my life.  When my Grandfather died not only was I mourning for him but for the mother I lost to Cancer at the age of 12 as well as my other Grandparents.  You know reading your post actually makes me feel better to know that there are others out there who share the same fears as I.  Death is a part of life and as easy as that is to say, it is so hard to look it in the face.  

What's on the other side....

As I began working with my counsler I began to ask this as well.  Now I know this is a touchy subject so I am only going to share my personal experience with you. Good Friday this year was my first day back to church since I was a child.  My cousin invited me and I decided to go.  I cried through the whole service and the many services after that.  I went back to my counsler and one of the duties she gave me was to start a journal.  She indicated that she could see that I was soul searching and thought this would help.  I began writing letters to anxiety, fear, death you name it.  My heart poured out. But it wasn't until I started (and still do) writing letters to God that I knew what was happening. God was shaking me up!  I needed to make some changes in my life and I did.  To this day I go to church every Sunday and have been re dedicated as well as baptized.  I believe there is a God and I believe that when you die you just don't die.  Knowing this now eases my mind.  I have put my life in God's hands and he has directed me to the wonderful people who are helping me with my anxiety and my fears.  I have learned that I am not in control of everything and I have learned to as they say "let go and let God" :)  No my fears have not fully gone away but I continue to take my meds and see my counsler.  Every day I am growing in faith and am learning how to deal with my anxiety.

I hope that I have not offended anyone. This is simply my experience and I am sharing other view point.  Just knowing that when it is my time, Christ will come for me and the thought of being with my loved ones soothes my mind.

I hope that you will find ways to comfort yourself whatever that may be.

Be Well,
Laura

[morbidlyeuphoric]

I don't know if it CAUSES it, but I know when I have it, my hands and feet are really cold, even at room temp, and I shake a lot but the shaking feels like it's coming from inside of me. It doesn't feel like I'm shaking because I'm cold, does that make sense?

[LoganLehman]

Yes it does make sense, but its like weird, if you would like to look at the rest of my symptoms i just posted a question for everyone

[flob]

yeah...religion is really a touchy subject for some people. i think it's good you shared your experience though. it actually helped me feel better to read it. i wish my faith were stronger than it is.

you know, i think something can be said by your post...and that is that we have to all come to terms with death in some way. for a lot of people, it's via a deity...and for some it's through other means. some believe that if there isn't a God, then there is nothing beyond this world. i say that God or no god, science itself has opened up endless possibilities to what may come after we die. they say there are endless parallel universe's...so the way i see it, that makes endless possibility for what happens when we die. anyway...i guess accepting death for me is just easier when i accept that it's simply part of the natural cycle.

so now that you have a stronger belief in God, how has that changed the way you view death?

[Brian0357]

I feel you on alot of those symptoms. I am a 20 year old male and I am going through a hard time right now too. I get random spells where I just want to cry I think about death sometimes and it does scare me but I have come to realie that worrying doesnt fix anything. I hate when people tell me that but it is true. I have come to realize that we cant do this alone and I am trying to bring myself closer to God. That is just me personally some people dont have this same belief and that is ok

[Laurallei]

Hey Flob,  

"so now that you have a stronger belief in God, how has that changed the way you view death?"

As a part of this life we are living. My body will eventually die and my soul will go to Heaven.  My only hope is that I fullfill Gods will for my life before my time comes.  I don't want to look back and say "what the heck was I doing all this time" :)

The greatest thing I have learned is that fear does not come from God, and when we are fearful of something we need to reconnect to our higher power. And for me that is God.  When I am scared I ask God to help me with my fears and to focus on his will for my life.  I will always battle fears like everyone else, but it is how I choose to deal with them that matters most.

With regards,
Laura

[Laurallei]

Hello Brian,

You are so right.  You cannot do this alone.  It is o.k. to cry.  Believe me I have spent the last few months in tears many times.  If you are truly searching for God.  Open your heart a simply cry out to him. Trust me, if you call he will hear you.  I found closeness through journaling.  

You can also visit your local book store preferably a Christian one.  Family Christian book store has wonderful books for all age groups and well and gender.  I started with a book from Joyce Meyers that dealt with anxiety, fear, and a few other topics. I then moved on to many other wonderful authors and of course read your bible.

Just some suggstions,

If you need and ear don't hesitate to rach out.

Be Well,
Laura