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Does Your Family and Friends Understand Your lliness
This is a big one for me. I've been living with my folks since last March. They both have Altzheimers. They don't see me ill and then they forget I am. So I have a hard time with it. Especially my dad once he said your not sick until I see a note from the doctor. I'm 58! I've lost a couple of friends because I can't listen to their constant problems and then they start saying "oh, there's nothing wrong with you. Or, Vickie You never listen to me when I'm having a bad time. I try to tell them that I can't listen to it. It's one of my triggers. Just the other day my friend of over 30 years said "Vickie we're going in different directions." Well I am. So now we don't talk. She had a habit of always putting me down and more or less making me fee stupid.
I have to work hard living in this house making sure my parents take their medicines, don't harm themselves, etc., and at the same time keep my sanity. I don't have a social life this is it. My brother doesn't even come over or help.
Do you have issues with your family and friends?
I have to work hard living in this house making sure my parents take their medicines, don't harm themselves, etc., and at the same time keep my sanity. I don't have a social life this is it. My brother doesn't even come over or help.
Do you have issues with your family and friends?
Wow you have had a rough time. I'm sorry. I was suicidal at one time do - but I had godly intervention thank goodness. Yes, my parents have been with all the way and no they don't understand. I guess you can see we're helping each other now. Dad has come to depend on me a lot. I'm proud of him for a 83 year old man who has suffered a stroke, heart problem, vascular dementia is still trying to stay a live. He does solitare on his computer, right now his redoing our concrete patio, it vacuums, works in the garden daily, and anything that he can do. However, on the other side he is very slow, walks with a hunch - he just looks so old. It's hard for me to see this. But lately we have been bonding because of the problem with mom. It's hurting us both to see her this way.
Again, my problem has been my memory and being able to focus. This last week hasn't been good. I can't remember what day it is, I've forgotten some important issues I needed to take care up. I've been making lists and putting signs up every where. I'm going to start carry a notebook so when there's something I need to remember I'll right it down.
There is one thing that I do that has been keeping sane, educated and focused and that's keep my ebay store together. I had no idea how to open a store but with my willingness to learn I did. But I have to double check my inventory because I'm not sure or remember. I've sold items and I didn't actually have them and that's not good. Anyway the story is getting long.
Thanks for everything and I really enjoy our conversations.
s
Again, my problem has been my memory and being able to focus. This last week hasn't been good. I can't remember what day it is, I've forgotten some important issues I needed to take care up. I've been making lists and putting signs up every where. I'm going to start carry a notebook so when there's something I need to remember I'll right it down.
There is one thing that I do that has been keeping sane, educated and focused and that's keep my ebay store together. I had no idea how to open a store but with my willingness to learn I did. But I have to double check my inventory because I'm not sure or remember. I've sold items and I didn't actually have them and that's not good. Anyway the story is getting long.
Thanks for everything and I really enjoy our conversations.
s
So your parents don't understand the illness but they still helped you? That's good, you've got to give them credit for that. At least there you can say that they may not want to accept that you have this weirdo illness and they may not understand how it affects you, but they love you enough to help you anyway. That's exactly the approach I've taken with my own parents - their willingness to help me almost mean more given that they really just think I've been a total idiot, because from their point of view that's a big thing to forgive.
In a way, having a hypomanic episode that bad has turned out to be a good thing; when I came out of it into the depressive stage, I just thought I was depressed because I'd been an idiot, but when I talked to my GP she asked loads of questions and pointed out that the drinking (really out of character for me), the lack of need for sleep, the obsessive exercise, the job change, the irresponsible decisions AND the spending had all happened at the same time - and from there I saw a specialist and we arrived at BPII. I'm still in a mess and dealing with it is not fun, but at least I now know what's wrong and I can start dealing with it, rather than just continuing the endless cycle of giddiness and depression without realising it's abnormal.
For years we thought I had seasonal affective disorder - I think there might be an element of the winter blues triggering the depressive phases, but over the last couple of years the pattern's changed leading to a diagnosis of BPII. Ironically, my parents "got" the SAD and were incredibly supportive; they bought me the lamps, accepted it when I dropped out of uni and quit a job because I was too depressed to be functional. I went through half a dozen antidepressants over three with hideous side-effects; I spent one winter hallucinating almost continually, with the result that even after I came off the meds I couldn't do something as simple as picking up a plate because I couldn't trust my eyes telling me it was there. My mum once had to rugby-tackle me to stop me jumping out of a second floor window, because as far as I was concerned there was a huge, rotting vultury-gargoyle thing preparing to pounce on me. With a diagnosis of BPII, even my extreme reactions to ADs starts to make sense - chances are, they were pushing me into a mixed state or even full-blown mania.
All that they were supportive with, and they never questioned the diagnosis of SAD - I think they'd known for a while that something was not quite right, and having a diagnosis that fit but that wasn't too severe was a relief for them. I think they're just scared of the BP diagnosis, because to their generation BP means manic-depressive, and people get locked up for that. I have no right to complain because they're helping me all they can even though they don't believe the diagnosis; and like I said, hypomania sounds like a pithy excuse even to me, so I can hardly blame them.
My boyfriend's attitude is more philosophical; as far as he's concerned, I've been like this for as long as he's known me so slapping a new label on it makes no difference aside from potentially helping with treatment. It was him that made me see the GP about the depression this last time; he realised it was totally out of sync for me to be suicidal in April, which with SAD should have been when I felt best.
Anyway, that turned out to be longer than I thought - sorry about that. The point I was making, Vickie, is that your parents love you enough to help even though they don't like the diagnosis. I'm not saying your situation isn't hard, but if I were you I'd try to keep that in mind the next time your dad's hurting you - and that his illness and frustration will be contributing to his bahaviour as well. If you want them to accept that BP affects your behaviour, you need to remember that Alzheimer's is an awful illness and that it will be affecting his too - especially if he's still at a stage where he knows something's wrong with him, which it sounds like he is.
Hope this helps a little bit - the same as you, I've found that hearing about other people's experiences helps enormously.
In a way, having a hypomanic episode that bad has turned out to be a good thing; when I came out of it into the depressive stage, I just thought I was depressed because I'd been an idiot, but when I talked to my GP she asked loads of questions and pointed out that the drinking (really out of character for me), the lack of need for sleep, the obsessive exercise, the job change, the irresponsible decisions AND the spending had all happened at the same time - and from there I saw a specialist and we arrived at BPII. I'm still in a mess and dealing with it is not fun, but at least I now know what's wrong and I can start dealing with it, rather than just continuing the endless cycle of giddiness and depression without realising it's abnormal.
For years we thought I had seasonal affective disorder - I think there might be an element of the winter blues triggering the depressive phases, but over the last couple of years the pattern's changed leading to a diagnosis of BPII. Ironically, my parents "got" the SAD and were incredibly supportive; they bought me the lamps, accepted it when I dropped out of uni and quit a job because I was too depressed to be functional. I went through half a dozen antidepressants over three with hideous side-effects; I spent one winter hallucinating almost continually, with the result that even after I came off the meds I couldn't do something as simple as picking up a plate because I couldn't trust my eyes telling me it was there. My mum once had to rugby-tackle me to stop me jumping out of a second floor window, because as far as I was concerned there was a huge, rotting vultury-gargoyle thing preparing to pounce on me. With a diagnosis of BPII, even my extreme reactions to ADs starts to make sense - chances are, they were pushing me into a mixed state or even full-blown mania.
All that they were supportive with, and they never questioned the diagnosis of SAD - I think they'd known for a while that something was not quite right, and having a diagnosis that fit but that wasn't too severe was a relief for them. I think they're just scared of the BP diagnosis, because to their generation BP means manic-depressive, and people get locked up for that. I have no right to complain because they're helping me all they can even though they don't believe the diagnosis; and like I said, hypomania sounds like a pithy excuse even to me, so I can hardly blame them.
My boyfriend's attitude is more philosophical; as far as he's concerned, I've been like this for as long as he's known me so slapping a new label on it makes no difference aside from potentially helping with treatment. It was him that made me see the GP about the depression this last time; he realised it was totally out of sync for me to be suicidal in April, which with SAD should have been when I felt best.
Anyway, that turned out to be longer than I thought - sorry about that. The point I was making, Vickie, is that your parents love you enough to help even though they don't like the diagnosis. I'm not saying your situation isn't hard, but if I were you I'd try to keep that in mind the next time your dad's hurting you - and that his illness and frustration will be contributing to his bahaviour as well. If you want them to accept that BP affects your behaviour, you need to remember that Alzheimer's is an awful illness and that it will be affecting his too - especially if he's still at a stage where he knows something's wrong with him, which it sounds like he is.
Hope this helps a little bit - the same as you, I've found that hearing about other people's experiences helps enormously.
What happen to you sounds very familiar to me. Except I did take to the extreme. However, like you I had parents to help me out. I don't know what would of happen to me if I had not had them. They didn't understand any of it. Or, they didn't want to. Today, they act like it didn't happen. Mostly my dad. Additionally, they both ave Altzheimer's and don't remember it. I try to remind them at times. The part they remember the most is coming to rehab and mom say "That's not my daughter." I was so drugged out by med's they had me on I looked terrible. That's what they do in rehab so you want cause too much trouble.
You too much happening to you at one time and your mind probably shutdown and just reacted. That happens to me sometimes everything is just too much for me to handle and my mind shuts down and I do things or don't do things I'm suppose. I usually drank thinking it would make it all go away. But it didn't All it did was make me sicker. I wish I had of had someone to talk to at the time that could of helped realize that I was sick.
You too much happening to you at one time and your mind probably shutdown and just reacted. That happens to me sometimes everything is just too much for me to handle and my mind shuts down and I do things or don't do things I'm suppose. I usually drank thinking it would make it all go away. But it didn't All it did was make me sicker. I wish I had of had someone to talk to at the time that could of helped realize that I was sick.
Hi everyone.
In fairness to the "normals" trying to understand the illness from an outside perspective, it doesn't make a lot of sense to me either - I'm a hard person, so I have to admit that if I didn't have BPII and a sufferer explained it to me, I probably would think it was just an excuse (BPI I could probably accept more, I think).
A few months ago - without at any point taking leave of my senses - I quit my job, spent thousands of pounds I didn't have, ignored a tax bill, failed to pay my car bill, failed to pay my car insurance so was driving without (illegal in the UK), shot my credit rating to bits, stopped sleeping, exercised three times a day and started living on protein shakes and alcohol. Then one morning I woke up and realised what I'd done, and spent the next week on the phone to the Samaritans because I wanted to kill myself but couldn't bring myself to do that to my parents and partner.
Thing is, I was not at any point incapable of rational thought; I knew perfectly well what I was doing and why I shouldn't be doing it, but my optimistic state was such that I thought it would be OK.
Looking back, I can't even begin to understand that myself - so I can hardly be surprised that my parents don't. They've lent me a lot of money to get myself out of the worst of the trouble, but they've since said that they don't believe there's anything wrong with me - my dad said "you've always been a bit strange emotionally". I tried to tell him that was kind of the point, but nothing explains why a rational person does the kind of things I did while I was hypomanic.
My parents and my partner are wonderful people and they'd all do anything to help me - but if my actions don't make sense to me, I can't be resentful that they don't make sense to them.
In fairness to the "normals" trying to understand the illness from an outside perspective, it doesn't make a lot of sense to me either - I'm a hard person, so I have to admit that if I didn't have BPII and a sufferer explained it to me, I probably would think it was just an excuse (BPI I could probably accept more, I think).
A few months ago - without at any point taking leave of my senses - I quit my job, spent thousands of pounds I didn't have, ignored a tax bill, failed to pay my car bill, failed to pay my car insurance so was driving without (illegal in the UK), shot my credit rating to bits, stopped sleeping, exercised three times a day and started living on protein shakes and alcohol. Then one morning I woke up and realised what I'd done, and spent the next week on the phone to the Samaritans because I wanted to kill myself but couldn't bring myself to do that to my parents and partner.
Thing is, I was not at any point incapable of rational thought; I knew perfectly well what I was doing and why I shouldn't be doing it, but my optimistic state was such that I thought it would be OK.
Looking back, I can't even begin to understand that myself - so I can hardly be surprised that my parents don't. They've lent me a lot of money to get myself out of the worst of the trouble, but they've since said that they don't believe there's anything wrong with me - my dad said "you've always been a bit strange emotionally". I tried to tell him that was kind of the point, but nothing explains why a rational person does the kind of things I did while I was hypomanic.
My parents and my partner are wonderful people and they'd all do anything to help me - but if my actions don't make sense to me, I can't be resentful that they don't make sense to them.
I love this, but then the illness is sad but I feel so grateful and happy that I am talking to people that can relate and understand. It's been so hurtful here. My brother want talk about it - we've never been close. I even bailed him out of jail had to sit at the course house from 9am - 6pm waiting for his release. I didn't get much of a thank you. It was more like we're suppose to help your my sis/brother. When I try and talk to him about my illness he just hem has. I asked him to take me to the airport next week he hesitate and when I then when I said I'll give you money for gas he agreed. I was just floored. Congratulations Deepie for stopping drink and smoking. You know I still have a pack of cigarettes in my drawer I don't know why I'm keeping them.
It's so said that our closest friends and turn into our enemies. That's when you feel really alone. I've beenlooking for a church or support group here in Fallas that are nally on the up and up. We have something called meet up They meeting once every Saturday, but for some reason my intuition tells me know it not the right one.
I'm hoping to find a friend who lives in Dallas where we can meet and talk not a big group it would be like going to AA.
I spend a lot of time on my eBay store. I love it and it's something I taught myself. I read books, researched what to sell and what I liked. Just being able to do this gives me a lot of confidence. The one thing I'm having a hard time is inventory, keeping the booking. I'm bad at that, but I'm working on it.
Thank to all of you. Hope to hear from you.
It's so said that our closest friends and turn into our enemies. That's when you feel really alone. I've beenlooking for a church or support group here in Fallas that are nally on the up and up. We have something called meet up They meeting once every Saturday, but for some reason my intuition tells me know it not the right one.
I'm hoping to find a friend who lives in Dallas where we can meet and talk not a big group it would be like going to AA.
I spend a lot of time on my eBay store. I love it and it's something I taught myself. I read books, researched what to sell and what I liked. Just being able to do this gives me a lot of confidence. The one thing I'm having a hard time is inventory, keeping the booking. I'm bad at that, but I'm working on it.
Thank to all of you. Hope to hear from you.
I understand. My parents "got it" and were wonderful. They took me to doctors appts., to ect appts. etc. My very closed minded Aunt and Uncle have even been very supportive. But: I have lost jobs, coworker friendships, and even people who were very close friends due to either not understanding or not wanting to. The biggest slap in the face came from my own brother. He thinks I'm wierd and crazy. The ironic thing about him is that his wife is a psychriatric nurse in a hospital. (she is wonderful) He even went so far as to tell me to quit talking to his wife about my "problems". Of course she was furious and we just ignore him.
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