Does Your Family and Friends Understand Your lliness

[vickie5989]

This is a big one for me.  I've been living with my folks since last March.  They both have Altzheimers.  They don't see me ill and then they forget I am.  So I have a hard time with it.   Especially my dad once he said your not sick  until I see a note from the doctor.  I'm 58!  I've lost a couple of friends because I can't listen to their constant problems and then they start saying "oh, there's nothing wrong with you.  Or, Vickie You never listen to me when I'm having a bad time. I try to tell them that I can't listen to it.  It's one of my triggers.  Just the other day my friend of over 30 years said "Vickie we're going in different directions."  Well  I am.  So now we don't talk.  She had a habit of always putting me down and more or less making me fee stupid.

I have to work hard living in this house making sure my parents take their medicines, don't harm themselves, etc., and at the same time keep my sanity.  I don't have a social life this is it. My brother doesn't even come over or help.

Do you have issues with your family and friends?

[Alex_X_18]

my mother is about as understanding as a person can get.....
My dad on the other hand....
just doesn't have a clue
Hes extremely arrogent and so he always thinks he is right about everything
In some ways I am really glad I'm not closer to my dad  
I really think it could only esclate the bipolar if I was around him long enough.................

My friends are an entirely diffrent story....
Generaly nowdays the bipolar has not really interfeared with my friendships
I'm careful to keep the bipolar and friendhips seprate
unless its with one of my friends who already has a mental illness

[Csandnugget]

Hey Vickie,

Wow! We both quit drinking about the same time.
I quit in April 2009 - it was the best decision I've ever made.

Quit smoking 10 years ago!
Vickie, you're so right about not needing negativity in our lives, and I think that's also why we quit these destructive habits.

I'm so sorry that you were with such a mean spirited person.

You are a jewel, and it will be a process to find somebody - it's a process for everyone.

About chatting to selected people, you can add them as a friend, I think - I haven't done that yet

[opus88]

you need to congratulate yourself dear, you have done amazing changes in your life with little support and alot on your shoulders with looking after both parents.
I looked after my husband for 20 yrs after a head injury, I know how draining and also how difficult their behavior can be.....I also worked in long term care and looked after many Alzheimer people to do that 24/7 takes alot of courage, no wonder you have a problem with depression it would take a strong person not too.
Both my husband and my son have BP, I am there for my son with all his self hate and bad decisions, its not easy.
I too have trouble mixing with people and going anywhere, just antisocial I guess but also its the fact that no one truly understand what we go thr. therefore its hard to relate....and all the fast fixes they have so many opinions and advice on things they know nothing of.
I hope you find people to talk with and can relate too on this forum, you do need some support dear.

[vickie5989]

I've had a hard time getting friends because I stay home so much.  I 'm not involved in anything except going to book stores, which I love.  I like to educate myself and when I find something that interests I get obsessed over it and that's my only focus.  It was hurtful letting go of a friend, but when she said we were going in different directions, and I'm so disappointed in you Vickie, and a bunch of other hurtful things it was time to okay bye. I believe she was saying these to hurt me when in fact she was hurting.  Like all of you I don't need negativity in my life.  I've had that all that throughout my life.  I love my dad but he is the worse.  He never has anything positive just the worse scenario.  My life was drowned in alcohol after my abusive marriage.  I honestly believe that I developed bipolar from the marriage.  He was so abusive physically and mentally to the point where he had me convinced that I was a bad, ugly person and that no one would ever want me.

I responded to that by drinking to much, if a man showed interest in my I would just do what he said. This went on for years.  I couldn't keep a relationship because I would push them away with my wild antic ways.

Wow this is becoming a story, sorry.

I did need a clean break.  I feel like my life is just beginning.  I quit drinking and smoking March 2009 and now have two little grand babies.  That's what my focus is now.  I'm hoping to get better so I can form a relationship with a man.

I have so much more to talk about.  When I send to one does everyone get the same post.  I was trying to figure out how to send to all of the nice people that has corresponded with me.

Love you all.

[Bluetwo]

That's a long time being friends. My best friend is my husband. We been married for nearly 25 years. I do write to a friend I went to school with since middle school nearly 40 years ago!  I went over to visit her a couple of times when I went back to New England. She's always doing something productive like canning vegetables or fixing up her farm.

I have a lot of acquaintance - people who I socialize with but not particularly close. I like my privacy.

My daughter works with our neighbor as a hair dresser and we have been close almost like family...they include us in family get together which is nice.

My son hanged around with boys he knew since elementary school and I've been getting close to their grandmother who lives with her daughter.  I find her very positive person...she goes to church... I'm not a church goer but she enjoys it very much. She
loves to garden and make her own cloths. The daughter is also very creative fixing up her house and we trade fixer upper stories.

It seems to gravitate to people who are creative and friendships are extended from my children.

But breaking up a friendship is hurtful espeically when you assert yourself. If you see my profile I write about how life is like a life raft. To keep healthy and even keel I need people who are supportive & positive. It's also helpful if they know you if have bp that they treat you as a individual. Your personality is not define being bp. You know what I mean....assuming every action or word you make is based on being bp. You do have individuals who look at bp's in worst case scenario....like we are dangerous to ourselves or need constant supervision like a child. They don't understand and they can become a downer when they judge you by your illness.

Sometimes making a clean break is refreshing but sometimes people just need educating. Sounds like your friend needs an attitude adjustment. Maybe she is not aware what she is doing is negative.

[vickie5989]

I had been friends with my friend for over 35 years the whole time she had a habit of knocking me down.  She had big boobs so she made fun of that.  I don't know she just had a way of making me feel stupid.   She use to preach to me literally preach to me over the phone..  I don't remember a moment that she made me feel good.  She would say Vickie I'm so disappointed in you.   I feel much better knowing that I'm going to talk to her today or tomorrow.  Yet, I'm lonely to have a friend, but a friend that understands me.