Loneliness with BP

[Tyzer33]

I dont know if any of you experience this same thing but why is it that BP makes you feel so lonely a lot of the time? I find myself starring into space somethimes watching other people walk round me and I feel as if im not there. Its as if im a ghost and i could just blow away in the wind, often enough i wish i would just blow away. Some days i just cant take the struggle and ive no energy or desire to fight with myself. You seem to have to spend alot of time in your own head with having BP trying to challenge the negative and suicidal thoughts etc. I feel like such an outsider from normal society and its made worse by people abandoning me since ive been sick, its really great when you get kicked when your down isnt it.

[emilio_el_diablo]

Well I'm 22 I've been bipolar all my life but found out about it a year ago. It feels so great i can reliate with other people like me! Like when you were talking about hell. Everytime i get ''city of birth'' i write ''hell''. I've always knew i was different, that my head wasn't like other people. I've had episodes of mania and alcool abuse and stuff. I use to think id never be able to keep a job, to work over 5 hours a week, or even going out of my appartment walking one block away for milk. But now i have medications. Theyr fixing 90 pct of my problem. Im prety close to stabe and now im using the positive sides of BP disorder. I work 70h a week 7/7 10 hours a day. I love it, im going to school soon, I'm pro with a guitar, im an incredible artist and all. Only thing that is gona ruin my life is that i still feel lonely and that my love life *****. Always ends in huge drama. They never understand me. I just got left for another guy. She purposely drove the knife real deep. Sooooo it triggered another maniac episode but its sort of under control cuz i use it at my advantage >.< btw guys iv read when perfectly medicated you don't feel lonely anymore... Anyways i hope to chat with one of you guys one day... look my name is emile chretien, add me on facebook so maybe we can start a small comunity... so that could help us feel less lonely. Good luck and just don't give up, this disease is a test, lose and you die, win and you come out very strong.

[Tink70]

We are not alone.  We number in the millions yet we walk in shadows.  If only we could figure out how to create an beacon that was noticeable only to US!  (Sounds like somekind of sci-fi movie! LOL)  It IS nice to know that others feel the same.  It is lonely out here in the big ole world when you feel like you are the only one with BP but there are support groups everywhere.  Seek them out.  You can hook up with other BPs that are stable and trying to control the imbalance - NOT let the imbalance control them.
I happen to be a recovering alcoholic on top of being BPI so it aint hard to find other BPs - you just gotta kinda weed through people and eventually you find them!  I'd wager to say about 70% of recovering alcoholics ARE BiPolar!  We all used alcohol to self medicate and somewhere we crossed the line and became alittle "pickled"! LOL  Anyhoo- Tyzer - You keep your head up!  Find some good counseling and a good website/support group for self mutilation!  That is an addiction, too, my friend!  Just like drinking or druggin!  Find a good Psychiatric PA and recheck your meds!  You might need an adjustment on your medication and you definetly need some intense counseling!  Hope all goes well!

[kittystarr]

I was diagnosed with BP 30 years ago and so relived! I thought i was mad like in the old movies. And i too am so alone . I never could keep friends  because i let them use me and when i was out of use they threw me away . no matter how many people i had around me i always have and do feel lonely. It is worse now that almost all family are gone. There are MANY BP in my family but i am most high functioning becaue i finally made up my mind to fight to be as normal as i can (whatever normal is!?) you name it and i tried it in the past. drugs, sex, sucide, the works and realized no one will ever be there for me. My faith is all that sustains me. The hardest thing is seeing my son struggle too. At least I can listen to him and let him know he is not alone for now. my hardest challenge is living with a hubby who does not understand at all and not having anyone to talk to when i need to work through something to make a deciion.

[lynnkay]

I replied to your other post. I agree with the comment that no one understands being bipolar unless you are bipolar. I have a great husband. He tries so hard to understand me. My grown children have seen me struggle with this mental illness for many years. My family accepts me for what I am. But, do they understand me. Not really. I once was more social, but over the years, i prefer not to have friends. I feel no need for them. That is just one of the quirks with my being bipolar. I love my family most dearly. But, there are times, I just want to be alone. Alone with my thoughts and feelings. My oldest son is 28 and is bipolar too. He used drugs and alcohol to self medicate. When he was manic, he was off the charts. Way worse than my manic episodes. He ended up in prison in 2004. I am currently am waiting for him to be released this year. I have a strong bond with this son, as we both understand what being bipolar is like. He has been drug and alcohol free these 4 yrs. Taking his meds in prison and he has never done better. Even got his GED and took college courses. He did some stupid things while manic, that caused him to end up in prison. But, more people suffer with this mental illness than you realize. I use to think I was the only one in the world like this. I learned over the years, there are many of us. But, being bipolar there will be storms that you think will never end. I have learned over the years to educate myself on this illness. Also, what helps me, is to recognize the warning signs or symptoms, that I am relapsing into an episode. Not always easy to recognize them, but with time you learn to try to stay a step ahead at least. I hope you get something out of my posts. For me, it is very hard to explain, the many aspects of being bipolar. I just know how I have felt over the years with it. Not always easy to put feelings into words.

[bernie40]

Reading your post made me realise I am not alone!  Like you even when I am with people I feel alone, I feel selfish because I only want to be with people when "I" want to be with them, I push people away and avoid making friends, I have pushed so many people away that I really only have my family and one close friend.  I commented to my pdoc that I feel like I am acting most of the time and the strain of it is exhausting.  I am definitely going to be on here more regularly because for the first time I am reading posts that relate to how I feel, act etc

[Nikki2226]

No one can understand what it is like to be bipolar unless they are bipolar.  I think this is why so many of us feel lonely all the time.  It is so hard to talk and share with others because they simply don't get it.  I recently found out a friend of my dad has a bipolar daughter.  She wants to help me and give me some advice on all of this.  I think it will help to have someone who understands me and I can talk to.  Of course, I haven't called her yet because I am still very anti-social, but I'll get up the courage soon.  I hope you can find a friend who understands you and can help you combat the loneliness. when you need it the most.