My son doesn't support me

[Elektra_Demons]

My son (17 just started final year of high school) doesn't believe that I have BP2. He thinks that I have complete control over my actions. (I am only recently diagnosed Sept 08). He puts me through very stressful situations e.g. he is confrontational or he gives me the silent treatment or he starts pressing my buttons. Frankly I am tired of it. I have had to deal with a lot regarding him over the last 2 1/2 years. For example his deep depression and suicidal thinking, his sexuality, being bullied and so on. He seems to think everything revolves around him and his emotional equilibrium. I say enough now. Life cannot revolve around him all the time and he lives in a bubble concerning my illness and how it affects me. I feel as though he is bullying me just like my father bullied me all of my life. Aaaaaaargh I feel so frustrated and stressed out and all because of this 17 yro!!!!!!!!!!

[Elektra_Demons]

I thought things were sorted but it seems he was only paying lip service. My son has been very hostile towards me. It seems that his beef is with the fact I drink. In his eyes this is the cause of all my woes and his. I think that he has a zero tolerance i.e. even one glass of wine is not permitted. We all had such a fight the other day. When I was trying to explain to him that some of my behaviours are compulsive. He refuses to believe that its part of the bipolar and is some kind of self medication on my part. He thinks that if I stop drinking all together then everything will go away. He was so angry the other night, he was shouting at both of us. I must quantify that we never interact like this, ever. I don't know where this behaviour of his comes from. He is hostile, intimidating and passive aggressive which in my view is bullying. I don't know what to do. I am being blamed by him for everything. He says things like 'You make me feel unsafe'. How can I do that. I have never mistreated him, never shouted nor have I ever hit or smacked him in his entire life. In fact I've gone out of my way to give him the kind of life and support I never got from my family. (I was abused physically, emotionally and sexually). My husband and I are starting to think that the only relationship we can have with him is as some kind of lodger. I feel as though I need to withdraw from him because my symptoms are getting worse.

[bernie40]

I wonder if his anger is a result of him not being able to accept/understand what is really going on with you and your BP.  Perhaps he needs to talk to someone from outside of the family, ie, a Therapist to look at his feelings about the subject.  He is lashing out at you because he feels safe doing so - we hurt the ones we love is very true.

He sounds confused and troubled.  To him he is going to latch on to the odd drop of alcohol that you drink - i take it that it is only the odd drop.  He knows that alcohol can cause mood changes so to him he thinks that the alcohol must be the real cause of your problems - it is real to him because he can see it.  So therefore, it needs to be removed and everything will magically be ok.

Working with teens you know that things are very black and white to them at that age.

I hope I've made a little sens here :-s  I think my advice is to get him to talk to a counsellor/therapist.  It will have been hard for him seeing his mum poorly and not being like other mum's.  I know you've done everything you can and not hurt him in any way, but he will have seen you when you've been ill, he will be aware of differences between his own family and other families and is probably battling a mixture of shame and then guilt for feeling shame etc.

Hugs

[Elektra_Demons]

Truth be told its not that odd a drop. I have battled with drinking since the onset of my PTSD. However, when I get a handle on it and it becomes a more normal level i.e. social this is when he starts to use passive aggressive behaviour. And so I begin self medicating. I must add that I am not rolling drunk, just tipsy enough to help me feel relaxed.
I have organised for a family meeting tomorrow with my drug and alcohol counsellor. I think that he will be able to express best the nature of my drinking.

Its hard to explain things just in a short note and I'm sure it probably looks like I'm a drunk, but its not really that bad.

[LeftCoastChick]

I can understand why your son is worried about your drinking, the fact is you shouldn't be drinking at all. . I take that as concern, and by what you've said you have an addiction. Regardless of how much you or you think you drink, I'm going to be honest, one drink is too many.. I would not blame your son for your drinking, not only are you in your own denial, but you're hurting him too.
""when he starts to use passive aggressive behaviour. And so I begin self medicating""

One drink or ten drinks to get by is self-medication. My pdoc said he will not treat BP folks until they are clean and sober, how can you work on family's issues until you work on your own. I can imagine your son feels you are a hypocrite. I would think about. My brother used to get angry at me if I had one drink because I'm his baby sister and he's addicted to drugs, do you see my point?

[Elektra_Demons]

Thank you for your unconditional support.

[LeftCoastChick]

I'm pretty direct, the reason being is, I'm not the type to candy coat issues, but in the hope that you see the other side of things, having an addiction is rough in many ways and it affects the whole family. Knowing you have an issue is the first step, the next stop is to get support to stop drinking if you chose to.

I wish you the best of luck,
LCC