my 6 year old son is too rough with children at recess

[momcaresx2]

Have other Mom's dealt with a young child who play too rough hurting other children?  Our son has been reminded and told many times this is not ok play, to make better choices, if he doesn't start taking care of his classmates he may not be allowed to come to school...  We have talked things over, we have yelled, we have punished and talked some more.  Nothing seems to stop the compusive behavior.  He is not vicious in his rough play, but doesn't seem to remember consequences.


This discussion is related to 4 Year Old Son Refuses to Poop.

[Denisegrove]

My granddaughter has the exact same issue's. In the classroom she is fine but at recess somebody usually get's hurt. We have had our granddaughter tested and found out she has a sensory processing disorder. The truth is most of the harm happens during play not fighting. These children don't recognize limits. It's unfortunate because these children get labeled as trouble makers. Check your local area for pediatric sensory professionals and have your child tested. Sign them up for classes where they also give you some instruction on how to help with this issue. I recommend doing this immediately before the child is left out of many social activities with fellow classmates.

[momcaresx2]

Hi, and thanks for the support.  
Yes the scenario you mentioned is very similar.  I think there are other situations as well, but all attention seeking.  Not being in the situation it's hard to tell what is the whole story for each situation.  
We do have him in activites to use up some of that boy energy, but may add more if $ will allow.  
I'm not sure what exactly happens at school, although I know talking about the incident, appologizing, time away from recess, holding the teachers' hand etc do occur, but recently a teacher told him if he didn't stop the behavior he may be suspended.   I do love the sorry board idea and will metion it to his teacher and aids at our next meeting.  They recently added a sensory box to his class room, but I'm not sure how much or how often this gets utilized.  
Thank you for the no touch rule as well.  I'm going to implement this nd ask they remind him at school too.  We have discussed personal space for a very long time.  We even have a fun book called "Personal Space Camp".  They also have a system at school very similar to the hula hoop idea.  How often it has or is revisited since it was implemented I'm not sure.
Thank you for the reminder about after school being to late to address it.  It is my emotional reaction to the situation.  I had hoped this would have passed by now.  He is a twin and his twin (though different personalities of course) did outgrow the behavior.  We are hoping with repetition and the right bag of discpline to pull from change will come soon from him as well.
Thank you again for the support.

[specialmom]

Hi.  Well, my son who is now in first grade in 7 has sensory issues.  He's a sensory seeker.  He sometimes gets carried away and hurts someone even though the boys are mutually playing a game.  He will just accidentally do it too hard.  Is this what you are talking about?  

Two things I'd suggest-----------  first, I'd have a no touching rule.  My son plays now but doesn't touch anyone.  So, he'll play 'light saber' fight with a buddy but not put his hands on him at all.   He just keeps his body to himself.  We played personal space games to help illustrate to him about what the boundaries are.  Do you know that some kids really don't know?  So you could get a hoola hoop and put it around him.  Then you try to get in.  He'll laugh and try to keep you out because you are "in" his space.  So then, you can teach him that this space is something that everyone has around them and he has to stay out of their space.  Tell him to picture that hoola hoop and not go any closer to his friends.  

Second, I'd give him some deep pressure and impact activities.  I suspect he has a bit of an overactive nervous system.  This is why he understands the rules but can not control the impulse.  Do not fear---------- what you do for this is provide opportunities to have that impact/deep pressure that feeds the nervous system so he'll be less inclined to want it around his friends.  When he gets excited, you can give him 'okay' things that provide impact and deep pressure as well.  Activities outside of school--------- swimming is awesome--------- sign him up for lessons.  All sports are good.  Games that involve deep pressure such as taking couch pillows and lots of pillows around the house and letting him crawl through them while you gently push are great.  A bop bag he punches on.  A trampoline or mattress on the floor.  These all provide nervous system input that will calm it for the next school day.  Then at school---------  he can give himself a big hug.  Hang from the monkey bars,  Jump up and down on the pavement.  All provide nervous system imput and are better than bumping a friend.  

What does the school do when it happens?  This is the real heart of the discpline side of it because punishing him after school won't work.  He's too young for that.  They need something in place at school.  My son has a "sorry board".  If you do something that hurts another, they get to pick one of the 6 items on the board to have the person who hurt them do for them. They include such things as draw them a picture, play with them, walk them to the bus, etc.  

Good luck.  Your son at 6 is starting to get better control over his impulses.  If he does not, then that is something to start looking into.