Babysitting issues

[CobosMama]

I have two children - an almost 4 year old girl, and a 16 month old boy. I also babysit two children - a 9 month old boy and a little girl who just turned 3. Their mother is a teacher, so I had them for a short time last school year, and then they were back at home for the summer. The little girl has been having some strange behaviors that neither the mother nor myself can figure out the cause of. We want her to be happy here, but cannot figure out the problem. Last year, she argued with my daughter and they didn't get along. Now that we had them play together over the summer, that's wonderful! But she started to refuse to eat her lunch. This went on for 3 weeks - I'd convince her now and again to eat something, but 90% of the time she'd rather cry hysterically than to try. Now that's ended, but for the past 3 days she's been having accidents. Other than these behaviors, she seems completely happy, and has a great time playing with my kids. She laughs, giggles, dances, plays, etc. She doesn't respond to me, but that's not really new - she's very shy - she doesn't talk to me if something has upset her, and she won't tell her mother why any of this happens. What could be bothering her so much that she's acting this way? Any suggestions?

[benjimom]

My son doesn't eat as well usually at the babysitters as he does with me nad he's six. She might bea  little anxious being out of her home environment.  My son sleeps in goodnites and he's; six. He also sometimes has a little mess in his pants when he doesn't get tehre quite in time for bowel movements, but he waits till the LAST minute!

[CobosMama]

I agree completely. My daughter still sleeps in pull-ups, although she's been potty trained for a very long time! It just seemed to happen at a very interesting time so she's worried.

Hopefully I can talk to her enough and settle her worries about it. I know where you're going with the tests, and I'll keep an eye on that. Her mother is an Autism teacher, and I know she's hyper sensitive to it, but I'll definitely keep an eye out!

Thanks so much!!

[specialmom]

No, I don't think you are.  I also don't think her mother should be terribly upset.  Kids at three are not always reliably potty trained and I can't tell you how many friends of mine have had kids have accidents long after potty training.  And that she waits for her mother to eat sounds to me like this is a harder transition on her than anyone realizes.  Her mother is her comfort zone.  

Many kids do have trouble with listening at 3 but I am curious about some things.  How is her speech and her fine motor skills?  An easy fine motor activity that is cheap is to buy a bag of small pom poms (craft or fabric store) and get a pair of tongs -------- the kind you squeeze together (look for small, kid size ones) and let the kids sort them by color using the tongs.  Watch and she how she does at this.  Also, get some string and some beads and string beads at the table.  See if she does this easily or gets frustrated.

good luck

[CobosMama]

Thank you for your input!!! The eating thing was weird because she would get in the car and immediately ask for her lunchbox, and eat all her lunch - like she'd been saving up her hunger for Mom. I'll work on the bathroom stuff, although I helped potty train her before, so it's just weird that she's going back like that, although I know there are phases. It just seems like she traded one behavior for another, and her mother is very upset about it. The little girl doesn't respond to me when I ask her direct questions, but she'll talk to me all day about whatever topic she'd like. It's like she shuts down when I ask her a direct question. She doesn't like to do anything on her own, including small tasks that I expect her to be able to do. I honestly think the little girl is too dependent, and that it's definitely having to do with being with me versus her own mother, but I'm finding it difficult to put that into words for her mom. I know she's upset, but nothing has changed in our home, and I actually started wondering if something had changed in their home. I don't know. I really appreciate your note though, thank you - it really helps confirm that I'm not doing anything wrong.

[specialmom]

sorry for my typos . . .

[specialmom]

Well, she is 3.  She's pretty little.  Who knows--------- she may internally miss her mommie.  Three year olds are all different and some are quite difficult.  I'd start reminding her to use the potty as she may be distracted and not pick up signals to go.  The eating thing, well------------ very 3 year old behavior and in my opinion, choose your battles.  Tell her mother that you tried but she wouldn't eat much.  I found with my kids (both boys) that if they ate a really big breakfast, they weren't too hungry at lunch or even dinner or if they ate not too much for breakfast or lunch, they'd eat a huge dinner.  It always seemed like one meal was by far the largest.  Also, kids like it the way mom does it until they get over that.  I was watching my nephew who told me he wanted chicken noodle soup for lunch.  Good old Campbells and he picked out the can and said that was what his mom (my sister) made.  So I made it . . . he wouldn't eat it because it tasted different than his mom's!!  (smile)  My own boys will eat Kraft mac and cheese out of a box whenever I make it but they say it doesn't taste write if my husband makes it (um, still out of the box).  What gives with that?  I don't know.  But kids do it.

You have a lot of little ones under your eye and it sounds like you are managing them all quite well (hats off to you)------------ but this really does sound like 3 year old stuff not to be too upset about.  good luck