Blended Families

[katheen]

When we married 8 years a go and his kids were angry that their father moved on we were told to leave them alone and let them come around on their own and not to push them. They did not come around on thier own and in family get togethers they would ignore us. As they grew up into their late teens it got worse, not only did they still ignore us they started to vandilize our home, paint balls, toilet paper, etc. We did not know who or why at first that our house out of all of the houses in the neighborhood was being attacked. I told my husband that I thought it was his 3 kids and he said "No way". We bought a video camera and set it up outside and yes it was his 3 kids and we caught them. With no relationship and no communication when my husband called his kids to tell them we knew it was them, their response was that they were just kidding and it was just a joke. I do not believe the 4 or 5 times they did that to our home was ever a joke and when they got caught that was thier excuse.

Now that his kids are adults it is still the same. They have never warmed up to us as a family and I dont know if they ever will. His X is bitter and my husbands kids are loyal to her. She has not remarried yet. I have always thought if she would marry someone maybe his kids would feel different about us. My 2 adult kids have always loved us and I get along with my X husband. I have always thought if X spouses would get along it would help the children to accept the transition easier then if the X's dont get along. My husband and his X have never got along and his kids have been caught in the cross fire. What do we do if my husbands kids are loyal to their mother and it has been going on for 8 years what do we do to change them this late in the game?

[katheen]

My husband did not want the divorce from the mother of his children, she wanted it. Thank God he dated other women before me. When he met me and we became serious ans that is when his X started with the games. I just realized on my 54th birthday that the last 8 years of my life have been without his children, and I have been playing cat and mouse to have a relationship with his kids and all of those years have flown by and nothing has changed. When we have been around them it is awkward and uncomfortable. I have not looked forward to the holidays for the last 7 years because when we are around them they treat us like strangers and ignore us or they may or may not say hello. I have given them a lot of money over the years to try to buy a relationship but that did not work either.  It hit me this October 2009 that they have not been part of our lives and it hit me like a ton of bricks. How could 8 years fly by and still no relationship. They are all in their 20's also. I blamed their disrespect years ago because of their age now I dont have an excuse.

[RockRose]

Kids are often angry that their "father moved on" with life without them and their mother.

You don't say exactly what the circumstances were but for all of the kids to hate him and side with the mother,  it sounds like he left them against her will and wishes.

You may never get forgiveness -