Concerns about 7 year old son's anger, tantrums, possible sleep issues and self-image.

[Mamaof5kiddos]

I have 5 children. My 2nd born seems to have issues that I am not sure how to handle.  My mom has chalked them up to "typical middle child" behavior (seeking attention), but I am not sure.  My son, 7 years old, seems to have anger management issues, for one. He is the most loving and sweet child but he can switch in the blink of an eye. He will often begin "playing" with a sibling and it escalates from there, usually into some sort of verbal assault and/or threats but sometimes with hitting or kicking.  Most recently, he told his 9 yo brother that he wanted to get his dad's gun and shoot his brother.  Most of his aggressive behavior is taken out on either his 5 yo or 9 yo brother, but sometimes his 5 yo sister gets it, too. He has had no issues with the baby, 2 years old.

Also, he seems to have trouble coping with day to day life.  He is very easy to cry over nothing (like being told he can no longer play video games or that it's time for bed), but it's more like a tantrum than simple crying.  He also tends to hit himself, call himself fat or stupid (none of which we have EVER called him) or say he hates himself or that we hate him.  (I used to think this was for shock value, but we tried ignoring such behavior and it has not gone away.)  I spoke to my son's teacher and she said that she doesn't see this behavior at school and was shocked that I have any issues at home, but admitted later in the year that he has a hard time if she tells him he did something less than perfect.

Our son also seems like he may have a sleep issue and I wonder if it may be the underlying cause of some of the other issues.  No matter what time he goes to bed, he is usually either first or second up (sometimes beating even my husband getting up for work.)  He usually falls asleep immediately upon going to bed, but sometimes does not.  We figure he averages 8 hours each night which we do not think is enough for his age, but can't seem to get him to sleep any longer. We try to have a consistent bedtime of about 8:30 pm.   If he happens to stay awake longer, he is still up early and we notice those days his behavior seems to be even worse.  Approximately 9 months ago, he had a tonsillectomy and adenoidectomy to relieve apnea and snoring.  His attitude improved some in the first months after surgery, but has since degraded again.  He is overweight, but has not gained any weight since the surgery and he has grown taller.

One other issue that may or may not be relevent is that he often holds his bowel movements to the point of no longer being able to go and we have to medicate him with laxatives (per dr instruction).  Could this also be a sign of anything, or possibly a cry for attention?

Do you have any suggestions on what we should do?  Is this normal behavior that I should not be concerned about?  I do intend to call our pediatrician and set up a consultation.  We are truly concerned, especially with the diagnosis of his older cousin with Asperger's Syndrome.

Thank you.

[slk528]

i agree you should get an eval for him.  i have an 8 yr old with similar symptoms except he only holds the b.m.s till he is home and has an hr to sit on the toilet, and he only has one sister to fight with during his meltdowns.  You did not say if any of these meltdowns over simple directions might be from a change of routine, does he normally get to play until a certain time that is being changed that day, or does he not get warnings like 15 minutes till bed time to transition. Other then siblings does he socialize easily with others?  Our teacher did not see a problem till i brought up some points and how her not telling my son he had to study his spelling words every night instead of just the day before the test caused melt downs at every homework time.  anyway he was recently diagnosed with PDD pervasive developemental disorder.  it is on the asperger/autism spectrum but a high functioning social issue where they have trouble interpreting the situation.  if a favorite crayon breaks he meltsdown as in your tantrum as opposed to, i need to find another crayon thought.  If the shirt you are putting on him, has the picture in the wrong place, instead of telling you his problem with it, he melts down.  Hopefully you've had an eval by now, as the sooner they get coping mechanisms the better off they are.

[margypops]

Maybe best to see a councillor for him .

[Mamaof5kiddos]

Thank you both for your input.  I will take both of your thoughts and suggestions and work with those as well.

I have been watching their interactions, though. The 7 year old starts over 80% of it.  He starts playing with the other kids but usually ends up getting too excited and hurts one or doesn't stop when they ask, and then a fight ensues.  7 yo really is larger than the other children and can hurt them quite easily.  Also, with the early rising, he usually ends up waking at least one of the children to be with him because he "doesn't want to be alone".  I don't think he's trying to escape the room or situation.

Actually the oldest has his own room and the middle two boys share a room.  No one is allowed to use the words "Stupid" or "Fat" in this house and 7 year old is the only one who does.  

As I mentioned in my first post, second paragraph, the teacher denied issues when I discussed it with her but later in the year let it slip that she saw some of it when he was told he didn't get a perfect grade on anything, so it's not just at home.  *sigh*

[margypops]

I agree with jtdm about getting an evaluation, but reading the Story this seems like plain old sibling rivalry to me, check out if your eldest is kind or does he set him off,teasing him, I have found that happens a lot and the wrong child gets Blamed, when they dont know you are there, observe what the Dinamics are and who starts it, your middle one could being bullied by the older one,does he share a room getting up early to get out of the room to avoid a confrontataion, Does someone around him call him stupid and Fat, you have to do some observing ,could be jealousycoming from the other one as younger kids always get more time spent than the eldest, The fact hes okay at school should tell you its coming from Home. Quietly just keep an eye out whats happening ,you may be surprised.

[jdtm]

anger management issues
can switch in the blink of an eye
trouble coping with day to day life
very easy to cry over nothing
more like a tantrum than simple crying
tends to hit himself, call himself fat or stupid
teacher and she said that she doesn't see this behavior at school
he has a hard time if she tells him he did something less than perfect
a sleep issue
often holds his bowel movements and we have to medicate him with laxatives

I have copied and pasted several points in your posting.  All of these behaviours are common to children suffering from anxiety.  Tantrums, sleep issues, bathroom issues, perfection, poor self-esteem are so common to our anxiety-prone children.  Often  children who suffer from anxiety are able "to hold it together" in social places as school or church, but "fall apart" in a comfortable and safe place as the home.  Is there a history of anxiety in this child's background as anxiety tends to be an inherited trait?  My nephew has been diagnosed with Asperger's and no, this description of your son does not appear similar to his behaviours.  I belong to a support group for parents and teachers of children suffering from anxiety and I have seen/heard the above description many, many times.

I think it is wise that you intend to speak to your son's pediatrician.  You might also wish to google the term "childhood anxiety" or a like phrase to see if the descriptions are similar to those of your son.  By the way, anxiety is highly treatable, especially for young children.  But, if anxiety is the issue, I would like to state that your son will not outgrow it nor will it go away.  And, the earlier the diagnosis; the better the prognosis.  I wish you the best ...