Omg please help. I dont even know how to word this.

[LikeAlice2day]

My 6yr old stepdaughter... Yesterday was beyond words as to how I feel.I'm still trying to wrap my thoughts around it. My stepdaughter has issues with her mother not being around. I'm used to taking the normal lash out from her.. I don't approve or like it.. But I understand it.. To a degree.
Yesterday she was telling me that she wished she could get her mom out her head. That all she does is think about her and dream about her all the time. She said that's why she's bad and don't listen ... She told me she wants me to be her real mom and is majorly kissing butt ... So As the day progresses I know something is up. I hadn't figured out what exactly tho..
Fast forward to shower time, she calls me in there and asks me where the conditioner is that I had just bought her.. I start looking and looking everywhere... She tells me that she don't know hasn't seen it. So she gets out and helps me look, even suggested I wrote a note to ask if anyone has seen this conditioner (we live w family).. The whole time won't leave my side... Talkin about she wants me to be happy and can me n her dad hurry up n get married. Even made a song up that she asked him to sing. It was a cute song.
Later were still wondering about the location of the conditioner. Her dad goes outside to call his mom in a last person on list (we have a weird love hate) cause we really don't like talkin to her .. She has no idea.
I was inside hang in up her clothes and her dad comes in n tells me that my stepdaughter (same one) have it to the great grandmother so she could have soft hair too...
And my mind was instantly blown. What kind of person big or small does this whole madness. To have given it away ..  Ask me for it... Pretend to not know... Help me look for it ... Suggest how to find it... And finally tell her dad the truth. And I am just sitting there dumbstruck... I get why she gave it to her ggma.. But why out on the show of askin me for it? Helping me look for it?

Im so mad and hurt by this. I wouldn't have been mad she gave it away, I would just got more like I did. I think there's more to it same with her dad. But why is she doin this?
As of today she has yet to even acknowledge any type of guilty reaction nor apologize.. Its as tho she don't care. So I have lost all my heart n feelings per say when I think of her. I'm so past hurt and broke my heart. She really iced the cake with this one.. Ive always looked at her as my daughter. Always. But I can't even look at her now.  I'm not mad about the conditioner, it's the dealings and actions of all around it that has me so like wow!

I don't know what to do. I don't wanna make a decision mad. But I really don't wanna be around her. Period. I cannot trust her. She has taken her manipulating tactics to a whole new level up. Read prev. Post...

Please someone somewhere tell me what we need to do. I'm lost. I'm hopeless.

[Kao2281]

Is this a joke, or is this for real?! The things you said are disgusting! I have a 6 year old daughter and she would probably do the same thing. Lie or make up a story out of fear...just like any other normal person! Like you've never done the same? Kids Like attention. Good or bad. She has kinda lost her mom, she is looking to you to fill that void, and you can't even handle a small no biggie situation?! I don't think you are ready to be or call yourself a step mother. It felt like I was reading Cinderella. Her giving the conditioner to Grandma so she could have soft hair was so cute. She wants to love and be loved in return. And you saying those nasty, hateful words about an innocent 6 year old CHILD...tells a lot about you. You must be young, bc you have a lot of growing up to do. You expect a child to act grown yet you take her actions like a personal attack. So very sad. Please bring God into your life. I will be praying for you and that poor little girl stuck in the middle since you obviously see her as some sort of distraction or burden in your life. When you signed up to be with her daddy, what did you think would happen...? Hello! Time to be a role model, hunny. Time to grow up.

[Skye9911]

I thought the same. Exactly.

[pjb17413]

I just have to reiterate what has already been stated above. She is a six year old little girl, who has had to deal with some things in life that are truly sad. Your (over)reaction concerns me SO so much. She needs mature, stable, loving and consistent adults in her life that can provide a sense of security. And the threat of even more rejection can do serious damage to an already fragile child. As others have stated, she understandably seeks acceptance and love. Gifting the conditioner to her GG was one way, in her young mind, to do that. Not telling the truth was likely a means to avoid your anger and rejection. As the ADULTS in the household, it is your and her father's  job to now have calm conversation about this incident, and also provide a safe place to open up. As a mom to my two (now college age) kids, I chose to view negatives as a "learning situation". Communication being key. Lastly, and I can not stress this strongly enough...THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU!!  you need to understand this. Her actions have nothing to do with you. And this relatively minor incident should also not be taken as a big affront to you. Think of this child first. You are a big girl, out any selfish notions aside at this point. You have a fabulous opportunity here, to turn a little life around for the better.

[GommyMommy]

Beautifully said. Thank you for such kind words of advise. As an adult survivor of child abuse, I wish someone, anyone would've said that to my mum.
Children are children and can never be expected to think as adults do.
My prayers go out to this family, I hope they get the help they need. Raising a grandchild must be very challenging, but this young girl needs love, guidance and compassion.

[LynnSable]

I really hope that you read these answers! I am so sad for this little girl and worried about your reaction. You have the power here to make or break this little girls life. If your not up to dropping your pride and worrying more about her then yourself...please leave her dad and let him take care of her. You can do this. Learn from all of these comments and make it right. If you don't and you choose to stick around it will inly get worse.

[specialmom]

I don't want to pile on.  :>)  I think it is easy to get caught up in the moment and forget the big picture.  She may be a bit afraid of you. Both for punishment and rejection.  And it is true that your natural reaction to this is rejection.  I would be frustrated too to have wasted my time, energy and emotion on a search for something that the child knew exactly what had happened to it but she's very young and trying to please everyone.  Be a rock for her.  what she needs?  You to give her a big hug and say "you could have just told me.  It's okay.  I love you no matter what."  Oh my, what that would do for this little girl!  

[Katherine1014]

I honestly cannot fathom not wanting to be around a six year-old child because they lied about a shampoo bottle. The fact that this is a huge ordeal to you is questionable and quite concerning; more concerning than her actions.  What she did was obviously wrong, but your reaction is over the top. Maybe you should take some time to reflect on whether or not you have the maturity and capacity to take part in a parental role in this little girls life.

[DaveatBareOaks]

I remember a key observation you mentioned. That she stayed close to you the whole time. Was this a subconscious way that her brain caused her to try to establish a connection to your body? Subconsciously(without understanding why she was acting this way) was she 'spending time with you'? I mean 'body to body' connecting by being close to you for an extended time. She needed that 'fix' of being close to you in the effort to replace her mother with you. Just wondering.
Find activities, inside and outside. Play catch the ball...anything to spend time with her. In other words, do the opposite of your own feelings. Does this make sense?