Omg please help. I dont even know how to word this.

[LikeAlice2day]

My 6yr old stepdaughter... Yesterday was beyond words as to how I feel.I'm still trying to wrap my thoughts around it. My stepdaughter has issues with her mother not being around. I'm used to taking the normal lash out from her.. I don't approve or like it.. But I understand it.. To a degree.
Yesterday she was telling me that she wished she could get her mom out her head. That all she does is think about her and dream about her all the time. She said that's why she's bad and don't listen ... She told me she wants me to be her real mom and is majorly kissing butt ... So As the day progresses I know something is up. I hadn't figured out what exactly tho..
Fast forward to shower time, she calls me in there and asks me where the conditioner is that I had just bought her.. I start looking and looking everywhere... She tells me that she don't know hasn't seen it. So she gets out and helps me look, even suggested I wrote a note to ask if anyone has seen this conditioner (we live w family).. The whole time won't leave my side... Talkin about she wants me to be happy and can me n her dad hurry up n get married. Even made a song up that she asked him to sing. It was a cute song.
Later were still wondering about the location of the conditioner. Her dad goes outside to call his mom in a last person on list (we have a weird love hate) cause we really don't like talkin to her .. She has no idea.
I was inside hang in up her clothes and her dad comes in n tells me that my stepdaughter (same one) have it to the great grandmother so she could have soft hair too...
And my mind was instantly blown. What kind of person big or small does this whole madness. To have given it away ..  Ask me for it... Pretend to not know... Help me look for it ... Suggest how to find it... And finally tell her dad the truth. And I am just sitting there dumbstruck... I get why she gave it to her ggma.. But why out on the show of askin me for it? Helping me look for it?

Im so mad and hurt by this. I wouldn't have been mad she gave it away, I would just got more like I did. I think there's more to it same with her dad. But why is she doin this?
As of today she has yet to even acknowledge any type of guilty reaction nor apologize.. Its as tho she don't care. So I have lost all my heart n feelings per say when I think of her. I'm so past hurt and broke my heart. She really iced the cake with this one.. Ive always looked at her as my daughter. Always. But I can't even look at her now.  I'm not mad about the conditioner, it's the dealings and actions of all around it that has me so like wow!

I don't know what to do. I don't wanna make a decision mad. But I really don't wanna be around her. Period. I cannot trust her. She has taken her manipulating tactics to a whole new level up. Read prev. Post...

Please someone somewhere tell me what we need to do. I'm lost. I'm hopeless.

[Quenr]

I'm sorry is this supposed to be some kind of a joke you're seriously continuing and acting like this is some horrible thing this little baby has done she probably just wanted your attention she obviously reached out to you at with the asking you to be her real mom didn't get any kind of normal response so stupid to next tactic she's sick what is wrong with you I think you're actually more of a hazard to This Little Child than anything I agree that you should probably leave her dad and stay far far away from this poor little girl

[Stepx2]

Here here. You are how old? She is six. At that age she has the decision making ability of a fish. Tell her you think that it was wonderful that she thought of her grandma. Tell her being kind to others is an important life skill. Then tell her you love her and move on. I am a step mother and get that it is often a thankless job. But it is a job so buck up and learn how to do it.

[Supernanny193]

Preach!

[AndreaMama2]

I think she did it for attention and perhaps to feel some control. Not a big deal at all especially considering the fact that her Mom is gone. She probably wants attention and to feel control. Please don't play with her emotions, if you love her, then love her unconditionally. This little thing should not be a big deal.

[Jakerpies]

yeah I mean she is six

[dashspade]

I know this is years old and nothing I say will have any bearing on this particular situation. Still, if I stumbled across and read this thread, somebody else might too, and maybe what I have to say can help them. I was ready to defend OP a bit. Sometimes in a situation like this we say things out of hurt and anger that we later regret. Especially in an anonymous forum like this. OP's second post put an end to that. Her relationship with the girl only "got better" because the girl did what she wanted and confessed and apologized. Even her comments about "piling on" show that she was only here to make herself feel better and not to learn how to mend the relationship and help the child. For whoever is reading this thread now: Before you ever become involved in any child's life, especially as a parent or step-parent, make sure that you are going to be able to make the relationship 100% about the child and not about yourself. Children are fragile and desperately need security and the knowledge that they don't have to earn love and acceptance. If you are not ready to provide that unconditionally, then you are only going to do harm in that child's life. And, since children aren't perfect and have a natural psychological need to test boundaries and test the security of adults' love and acceptance, you won't be happy either. There is no shame in deciding that parenting is not for you, but there - or perhaps should be - in insinuating yourself into a child's life with selfish motives or actions thus denying them the security and UNCONDITIONAL love and acceptance they need and deserve.  

[MR_]

I read it as her simply wanting to spend time with a mother figure. Simple as that.

And since her own mom isn't in the picture, and it's clearly weighing heavily on her mind, she may be trying to figure out how to play her cards right, so as not to lose another.

She committed no crime, she didn't even say anything that would get you or anyone else in trouble.

Your reaction to this frightens me terribly, for that little girl.

Perhaps you have some unresolved issues that need to be sorted out before you can be a good mother figure.

Maybe going to therapy with the little gurl will help both of you heal and develop a healthy relationship.
Or maybe you're just not right for her.

[meeper69]

Alice, i accidentally read over the 6 year old part but now after i read it again i found it. SHE IS SIX! your parenting sucks. you can not expect her to act like an adult, she just needs attention, not neglect. do you know why children murder their parents, Alice? this exact reason. you should treat her with affection, she is six, Alice.  

[bBarry]

Jakerpies You are going to love it when she's a teen! You have the nicest stuff to worry about,, for right now. A bottle of conditioner is a ridiculous thing to get so worked up over. You must have been an angel when you were a kid, got good grades, did everything right, certainly we know that's not true. You are shaping this kid's mind, she is going to be twisted when she grows up if you keep this kind of nonsense up. Lighten up on the 6 year old or you'll have a monster on your hands. Take some parenting classes, get some help for yourself. If money is an issue, ask a Preacher. Most churches have counselors you can talk to free of charge, call around.