I mean - this is so terribly written, so I don't even know if I can answer it properly. Are you saying that she asked you for the conditioner and then her dad finally called his mom to see if she has seen it and his mother said that yes, she has it, her grand-daughter gave it to her? Did the 6 year old just forget? Was the 6 year old only wanting your attention? Either way, I can't believe you think a 6 year old would be so dubious as to angle for deception. I think you need some education on childhood psychology.
Alice, I might be a year too late but I think it's best to let go of the dad and daughter. You don't have a good relationship with his mom and you don't seem to agree on his daughter that much. I just don't think it's gonna work for both of you. You obviously have problems with his family members and it's not only about you, his side of the family will be on the receiving end as well. I'm just gonna be honest, kids these days are smart but I think this is more of your thoughts about her that makes you disagree with her. Let's be honest, not everyone's gonna get along with each other, either you own up to it or you won't have a good relationship with her. You have to think about it, it's gonna be a long run if you end up with him. I can only hope the best for you Alice, hopefully you've made the best decision for yourself and him. Xo
Clearly this is why when they don't reach out to groups because all I feel it's like I've been bashed. Now that being given the relationship has much improved she did fess up to stealing whatever or misplaced in giving it away. I told her thank you for. I told her thank you for and that she did not need to go to such extremes that she should have just told me to begin with. Her mother still is not in her life I have moved back to Florida and they will be joining me here because she says quote on quote she can't do this without me so thank you for all the advice I do appreciate it truly but please know that everything is worked out for the best and our relationship is great. She had a breaking moment in February where she apologized for all the mean things that she's ever done that she doesn't mean any of it and since then we have been awesome she knows that I love her no matter what and I know that she loves me and that's why she pushes me so hard. But thank you everyone for your advice
Alice,
You need to relax. She's six. Children at this age do not lie with the intent to manipulate, they really have no idea what they are doing. I too have a six-year-old stepdaughter, and the divorce of her parents is very hard on her as well, and that is why I am always so patient and understanding with her. She didn't ask for her parents to separate, and she doesn't deserve all the difficulty that comes with growing up in two completely different households. These little girls are just looking for love and attention, and are trying to cope with the separation of their parents. Children often feel guilty or as if they are betraying their biological parents if they feel love and affection towards their stepparents. The poor girl probably just pretended that she did not know where the conditioner was so that she could spend time with you, and not feel guilty about it. It seems like she is desperately looking to fill a void that has been left by her biological mother. Just be there for her, and shower her with love and kindness. Do not place expectations on her, and she will grow to love you, respect you, and trust you. Also, remember that as a responsible adult, you are expected to be the BIGGER PERSON. Leave the discipline and parenting to her dad.
She's 6... I don't understand how a 6 year old lying about conditioner could cause you to not be able to look at her. That seriously makes me question your capability of parenting.
She's a child simply trying to get her needs met. Maybe she was afraid you would be mad. Maybe she doesn't like you because she is afraid her daddy will love you more than her. Kids don't know how to get their needs met. They don't know how to express their needs. Hell, half the time they themselves don't even know what they want/ need. It is their caregivers job to teach kids these things. You cannot get your emotions so wrapped up in the small things. Try to ask yourself what you think she's communicating. What she's feeling, what she needs. When humans are hurting sometimes that hurt comes out sideways. That goes for kids too.
This is the saddest thing I’ve ever read. You probably should save her the extra pain and stay out of her life