please need advice on my 8 yr old behavior

[meg201413]

So within the last 6 months or so my son who is the eldest of 3 boys who is 8 has been acting out.  Mostly I believed at home and fighting with his brothers or not wanting to help out around the house. Those things I can deal with usually. However, recently his behaviors have escalated. I get stopped by some girls at the school telling me that my son was trying to hit them on the playground. Again I brushed this off as kids playing around. Then last week I had placed some cash in my wallet and the next day before I had the chance to go to the bank the money was gone ($260) . I asked, I questioned, I yelled, finally I tore his bedroom upside down and found the money in his wallet hidden In his pillowcase. He denied it until my husband questioned him then he admitted it. The she time the cash went missing so did my debit card and drivers license those have not been found. Two days after that incident and while he was grounded I get a call from his school telling me that my son stole a bunch of snacks from someone's backpack ( was seen doing it) he lied about that later admitted it I was also told he took a pencil sharpener again he denied and later admitted it to a point. Now while he's home and being grounded he's still acting out. Spitting on the walls, the floor, his clothes,etc . Throwing spitballs on the walls, kicking things, trying to still play while he's grounded and can't. I'm so beyond frustrated and irritated and at a lose as far as what I should do. I am planning on seeking out counseling this week. But looking for advice on how to deal with this type of situation because heaven forbid he doesn't change he's going go end up behind bars.

[RockRose]

They say children steal items to seal up a hole in their hearts.  

Do you have a fully intact family,  with your husband being present,  who is  the father of all your boys?

Or are there family dynamics that leave your oldest son as kind of an odd-man-out?

[Sandman2]

   Yes, this is unusual behavior for an 8 year old.  The stealing of a drivers license and debt card is even more unusual then the stealing of that large an amount of cash (which also is unusual).  Is there any older person around that might be influencing/threatening him?   Have any of his playmates parents also noticed money disappearing?   With a little bit of luck your debit card will be used and you will get more info from that.
   The only other thought I have is that this does sound like something that a child with ADHD might be doing.  How are his grades at school?    Up till this point had he had any other problems at school either this year or last year?

[Sandman2]

    Opps, forgot to add that changing behavior is much easier to do if you can figure out what is causing the behavior.   Family dynamics is one thing as rockrose suggested.  Outside influences is another.  ADHD is another.  All are treated differently.

[meg201413]

Thank you for commenting! No our family is great my husband is around but he works 2pm-10pm so at night I am the only one home. And yea it is stressful on me at times. His grades and homework have both been slipping as of lately. He leaves it at school, or he takes an hour even with me helping him to get the answers, it use to take him 15 minutes or so. I'm nor sure about outside influences the only thing that comes to my mind is an incident from last year. He was taking spare change we had laying around to axhool . When we asked him about it he saidhe was paying kids to pplay with him. However, I don't think he is the one being "bullied" anymore. I just got a note from the principal today telling me that my son was pushing and bullying another child on the playground.

[Sandman2]

     You know you just might want to look into the symptoms of ADHD.  It may not be that, but over on the ADHD forum where I also am the CL I have seen things like this before.  Anyway, check out this link  -
        http://www.help4adhd.org/en/about/what/WWK1
    Let me know what you think.