Problems with my nine year old son

[claudette780]

Hi, i have a nine year old son single mom and its just the two of us.I dont know what to do , his behavior is out of control. plays with lighters(burnt a carpet and bed) he back chats does not listen to me, his had a hard life, dad walked out when he was three , I work in the hospitality industry so not there much. We also lost my BF four weeks ago and we both battling to come to terms with this. I have tried the grounding thing, hidings screaming and talking nothing is helping. Please any advise will help alot. thank you

[nursegirl6572]

Sounds like he is attention seeking, probably because, due to you needing to work and so forth, you don't have a lot of time to spend with him.  Kids will act out negatively to get attention.

Also, he should not have access to lighters or matches at ANY time.  That's something YOU have control over.  Something like that is no little matter, he could have burned your house down.  You have to limit set, and be consistent.  If you threaten a certan punishment for certain behavior, be sure to follow through.

I think if you give him the attention he needs, you may see some improvements in his behavior.  If not, then seeking professional help would be the next logical step.

Good luck!

[skepticalpeach]

Talk to his pediatrician and get a referral for a therapist. His school also may be able to help you with that. As a young boy he is trying to process a lot. Some things that many adults have trouble dealing with! I would also keep him busy. Take his mind off things. Get him involved with a sport, have him learn how to play an instrument, take drawing classes. We as people need to find a way to process our feelings, let our emotions out. Above all, keep your conversation around him positive. Never say anything bad about your exes to him. Let him know that you are ok and so is he. Now is a good point in life to invest in quality time with your son. Take a break from dating and make your son feel loved. You couldn't be there in the past, but the good news is now you can. He is still young enough to appreciate having his mom dote on him. I would steer away from punishments because it sounds like he is trying to tell you something by acting out. Children often have a hard time finding words for their feelings. Instead, when he is calm, come up with a plan for when he is angry. For instance, "Are you getting angry? It seems like it so let's go for a walk around the block and take some deep breathes. Then, let's continue our conversation." Stay cool and don't react when he gets mad. I know it's hard, but he needs you more than ever now! Good luck.