No Discipline

[Jate]

I was wondering if there is anything I can do to help my 10yr old brother to behave a bit better.
Because he's a boy, he's allowed to do anything he wants. We live with our grandparents and they don't seem to think they're doing anything wrong. He's been watching rated R movies and playing rated M games since I can remember. He can go wherever he wants. He throws tantrums. He pretty much gets whatever he wants because they don't want to handle him. He's been getting into a lot of fights with his friends lately because of his rude attitude and selfish ways. He'll provoke them and then when they do something back, he makes sure they get in trouble. But he never gets told about it.
I finally stood up to my pap about it and told him it's not all the other kids' faults and they need to start disciplining him. But my pap replied "How can you discipline a boy? Boys will be boys." And that's what they believe. That boys have the right to do anything they want simply because they are boys. The entire conversation turned on me and he told me that no one knows how I'll act around people bc I keep myself in my room.
But I keep myself in my room because I was never taught how to appropriately act around people and now being outside and playing is just awkward. But I have managed to figure out what is wrong to do and there's are now other adults who have come into my life and are setting good examples for me.
How do I set a good example for my brother when he doesn't want one set for him?

[Kgbiddix]

I admire someone like you that really wants to help.
Your grandparents don't know what the world is like now days and its probably hard on them to have to take on 2 kids. But if they don't step up to the plate, it is likely your brother will wind up in prision.
If you can get your brother away from R movies and M games would help. Talk to him when you are alone and let him know you love him and care what might happen to him, if he don't calm down. Kids that are not diciplined don't feel like anyone cares what happens to them, they don't feel loved. You need to try to show him that love. If you can go to church and take your brother try that.
I never was an outgoing person and I always tried to stay away from people. I don't know where you live, but try to find places to go and people you can trust, you can keep your guard up and still make friends.
You may oneday have to finish raising your brother. And if he really gets out of control and you need help right away ask the police for help.
God Bless you, Karen

[HyperGurl15]

I think it's the parents  thought as these dayz parents have no contorl over there kids lets jus say the kids go of the rails !! I no yeh im 15 what do i no !!
But they need to have more displine in there house or there kids are gonna take over the show!
Some times its hard being a mother and a farther. But come on you want children then face up to the resposebiltesx

[Jate]

He respects me when no one else is around. If I had him, I couldn't isolate him, but I could choose that if he doesn't respect me with people around...then he can't have friends over until he learns to behave.
And I could never contact the authorities, even if I was sure he was doing something illegal. I'd be in so much trouble...

[musicmama]

I can see why you would want to raise your brother, but if he doesn't respect you now, he probably won't later.  I would keep a close eye on him.  If you ever think he is doing something illegal, contact the authorities.  They may scare a little sense into him.  You've got a good head on your shoulders.  Hang in there and get that education.  

Good luck and God bless.

[Jate]

He's always out with his friends. They run around town a lot and his friends don't like me very much. They can actually get pretty violent and he copies them so I just keep my distance. My brother doesn't really like me all that much so the only time he bothers to be with me is if I'm playing a computer game that he likes, in the pool, or shopping and he doesn't want to walk around with my grandparents (who we live with).
I'll be 17 next month, btw.
I was pretty dumb and blind, believing everything in this house was normal, until I moved out for 3 months. Now that I'm back, I see that there's nothing normal and I'm desperate to get out again.
Once I get older and out of school, I thought about taking my brother and raising him the right way bc I think that I could support him and help him...but I know there'd be too much guilt and that my mam and pap would never sign him over to me. If they won't let me get out of here, they'll have an even tighter chain on him when it comes to moving away.
I just don't want the boy to end up in jail or get a girl pregnant. They think it's funny when he tells people he's going to become a cop just so he can shoot them or when he listens to all those songs about sex.
He has no respect for adults or anyone. Yesterday the neighbor woman tried to break up a fight between him and his friend and he flat out told her to go away and that it was none of her business.

[SUGARPLUM344]

Wow - well, I don't know how old you are - but you sound very smart and perceptive.  I don't really know that there is much you can do about your brother aside from the advice of the above poster.  He does not realize he is lucky to have you looking out for him because you can see down the road and know that lack of discipline and self control is not going to do him any good.   Really the only thing you can do is try to set a good example for him and maybe he will realize what the right thing is to do - do you hang out with him a lot or is he mostly with his friends?  

[Jate]

Now that school is out, I'm pretty much alone for the summer.
I've tried talking to him...quite a few times. Never results well. Either he tells on me and I get into trouble or he literally slams his door in my face.
I don't want him to have to learn the hard way. I had to learn a lot of things the hard way and I want him to turn out better than I'm turning out.
But they've taught him that the world revolves around him. That nothing else matters as long as he gets his way. And that because he's a boy and "boys will be boys" he has the right to do whatever he wants...even if it involves harming others.
The funny thing is...if any of the neighborhood boys do something wrong (often the same things my brother is doing), they feel they have the right to complain about how the boys are always misbehaving and how the parents aren't doing a good job.

[musicmama]

Do you have a pastor, youth worker or counselor that you can talk to?  If there are no adults available right now in the summer, I suggest talking to your brother, warning him that he will get what he pays for.  I have the feeling that he doesn't listen to you or anyone else either.  If this is the case, I am fearful that he will have to learn the hard way.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.