Inappropriate touching

[iamyvr]

Help,

I recently found out that my 13 year old son has 3 inappropriate touching incidents with his younger cousin. When he was 10 or 11 (she was 6 or 7) he asked her to come into the bathroom at a family function. He then asked her to take off her pants, and he then touched her bottom. She did this all willingly, but he told her not to tell.  At another family function, he did the same thing, and then at a third family function, he repeated the actions, this time removing his pants also, and touching her vagina (no penetration) and rubbing his penis against her bottom.

She recently learned about inappropriate touching at school and asked her mother about specifics. She was mortified to learn that what had happened was wrong.  my son is embarrassed about what happened and does not know why he did what he did..  WE contacted Social Services, and they determined that there was no requirement to pursue this as it was childhood curiosity more than anything else, but I feel that he needs some type of counseling and or therapy, to work this out to ensure it never happens again.

Am I over reacting, under reacting, or on the right course?  This had created a huge rift in my wife's family, and great emotional strain for her and I. not to mention our niece

[margypops]

  Talk to him ,and as I did say in my earlier Post get some councelling, there are books out there on Sex that kids can read to understand.

[mara2000]

I don't think that you're over reacting at all. I think that he was well aware of what he was doing. Did anybody ever talk to him about sex? He probably found out about it from friends and wanted to explore it. I have a nephew who is 17 and when he was ten he did the same thing. Your son must not have known enough about what he was doing. Maybe he thought it was harmless? You should have him explain what he was thinking about the whole thing. Or you can just talk to him about the whole situation.

[KAnneH]

Although it is normal for children to experience new "sexual" feelings as they approach puberty, my main concerns would be the age of the child he chose to explore these feelings with (6 or 7?), and the fact that she is a family member.  It seems more likely to be "typical" childhood curiosity if the girl wasn't so young and was also not a family member.

I think it would be best to contact your family doctor and discuss this issue further with him/her just to be sure you have covered all of your bases and there is no confusion about where to set the boundaries in terms of your son exploring his sexuality.  Good luck!  

[rustywhite]

Glad no offense was taken while I can see margypops point of view on this I would still stongly advise you go and get some sort of professanol help on this.

It's easy for us all here to say what you should and shouldn't do but as we can't see you or your child how can we really say?  

An outside will see the things you can't and as much as you love your child you may be blind to what they are really like.

I wish you all best and good luck with what ever you decide.

[margypops]

Sounds like you handled a tricky situation well,you could have some councilling for both of them but I think its time also to let it go, they are both feeling bad and this does happen a  lot.You will get some negative feedback from the cousins Family thats normal,but tell them you have had someone talk to him about it not being okay, This seems to happen around this age when the Hormones are starting to kick in and kids get these strange feelings.There are many books out there on how to talk to them, and maybe one for him to read.

[iamyvr]

No offense taken, that was a big concern of ours. We have had long talks about where this has come from and whether anything else has happened. We will continue to have these talks to continually confirm that it is not happening again, elsewhere.

Thanks

[rustywhite]

I can see where you coming from this and I think maybe going to the doctor with your son and explaining to him he may be able to advise you more.

I don't think your over reacting at all. I think it would be best to have some sort help on this matter as you really need to know why he did it and that he won't do it again.

You don't want to be the one saying I should of done somthing when he was younger.

please don't take offance to my comment here but just think could he have done it to anybody eles is he still doing it? Could the person be even youger?

  Sorry to throw more doubts into your mind but surely it's better to have these things sorted now before it gets worse.

  Good luck and I wish you all the best.