Problems with son

[danielle1983]

My son is 6 1/2, I have recently been having a lot of problems with him. He does fantastic in school, he is smart and hsi behavior is fantastic. At home he is a different kid. I put him in soccer recently, thinking it would help him burn off some energy and find some confidence. It has but he also acts very rudely to me after practice/games. My husband lives 5 hours away, we see him on the weekends, and it's hard. Last week my youngest son accidently killed my son's kitten, and he has acted out even more. Though this is not the first time I've seen his outbursts. He will phsyically attack me if he is made to do something against his wishes-  though not in front of other people. He will push, push, push me... like he will just stand there and not walk, when I'm carrying his sleeping little brother- what option do I have?
He loses privlidges, he doesn't care. We have tried everything; diet changes, positive reinforcement, punishments...  I mean you name it!  Last week he actually tried stabbing me with a pen.  When he isn't in that mind set, he is a beautiful child- he is loving, kind... actually sweet.  But when he "snaps" into the rage mode, it's insane the lengths he will go, I worry about his safety, and my own at times.
I hate to say I have considered medicating him, because of his periods when he is really in control, but the times he is not is entirely heartbreaking. He will tell me I am nothing to him, tell me he hates me...  When he is out of his rage he apologizes and feels bad but he cannto control the behavior once it starts.
I am ready to put him back in therapy but am hoping someone else can relate. I need to get some advice. I mean he doesn't do the typical kid things at other people's houses, he is ideal.  I hear all of the time how good he is. Though I did bust him stealing one day from a kid store, something little- I made him take it back.  He is not very nice to his little brother, especially when playing. He has to win.  

My husband is desperately trying to find work closer to us so we can all live together again, but it is hard. I cannot say that him being here will fix things. My husband gets very upset by his behavior... I think I am more used to it.

Any suggestions, advise, experience would be appreciated. I feel like I am in over my head right now.

[ummehani40]

Hi,
I exactly know what u r talking about. My 6 year old daughter is a very smart kid, very responsible in school and behaves well with others.She also helps me around the house takes care of her sis very responsibly. But she get these anger tantrums on me "only' when something upsets her. She blames me for everything that goes wrong with her. Also says things like"i wish i cud hit u". She says sorry later on and realizes her mistake but that very moment when she gets angry she gets very disrespectful and misbehaves. I've been trying to find out whats wrong since a couple years now. I surely can relate to your problem but cannot be of any help.
Hope we find a solution soon:)

[specialmom]

Okay, with this additional information----  I too would be worried.  It doesn't sound like ADD/ADHD because it is in episodes rather than a daily struggle.  While kids with delays will have good an bad days-----  they don't function beautifully in school (which is usually where there are problems unless he is "holding himself" together at school and then falling apart elsewhere).  I would think going back to therapy would be a good idea.  Anger management is an issue people suffer from old and young.  If you are interested in a temperature scale for anger that is used with kids with problems controling themselves, let me know.  I'm happy to help any way I can. Take care.

Oh, thanks for the tip on the flavored EFA's----  I'm going to look into that!

[danielle1983]

Hey they make EFAs (Essential Fatty Acids) for kids that are strawberry flavored, he really likes them.  We have taken the homeopathic approach. When he was in therapy before it was for his angry outbursts, they started at 4.  He would bite me, choke me, throw things at me... I could go on and on. I never even had spanked him, so the violence was not from me, not something he saw on tv, just something that he could not control with me. His psychologist said he pent up frustration and took it out on me because he knew I would love him regardless.  The psychologist recommended going through psychiatric help when my son's behavior only continued to escalate, despite going to therapy sometimes 2 times a week.  The psychologist was concerned that Tre's behavior was endangering his little brother, because one day he kicked me in the stomach when I was on my knees talking to him. He knocked the wind out of me, then started punching me in the back of the head when I doubled over. It was a nightmare-  

He referred to a monster inside of himself. One day even begging me to just hold him down so he wouldn't try to hurt me.  (So sad to hear from a 4 year old). The anger is over being told "no" or "it's time for bed" we've tried telling him in 5 minute incriments to get him ready, so he knows it's coming...
He gets very angry when he gets hurt as well. His cousin was picking on him one day and I literally was holding him by his waste belt on his jeans and the back of his shirt as he lunged like a wild animal trying to attack him. It was horrifying to see him act out this way.
Last weekend on the soccer field I saw him get very irrate when someone laughed at him from the other team.  His whole face changes-  Fortunately I yelled at him to shake it off and he did.

[specialmom]

Oh yeah, I'm getting more and more interested in natural medicines and am going to try some fish oil with my son (and some other supplements)----  that is definately worth trying I think.  

[specialmom]

Hi,  I just wanted to add to Diva's advice and it is good----  I will say that depression isn't situational however.  If he is depressed by true definition of depression, it would carry over into all areas of his life.  Perhaps he is going the way of depression and I would watch for any changes in school.  Anxiety could act more situationally.  Just my thoughts as a mental health professional for over a decade.  Good luck.  (I do wholeheartedly agree that having dad gone is taking its toll!!!)  

[skepticalpeach]

I hate to say this, but I bet having dad around more often will help a lot. It sounds like he is depressed, but I wouldn't put him on any medication quite yet. Have you tried giving him fish oil or just more fish (if he likes it)? It's a natural antidepressant that can really help. Since he is doing well in school and can control himself that's a good sign. Have you asked him if anything is bothering him? Maybe that will help. I'm glad that you aren't ignoring the problem because untreated depression can cause long term problems.

There may also be something physically wrong with him. I would have him thoroughly checked out by his pediatrician. Does he get headaches or feel icky at all?

[specialmom]

First of all, let me say that I am so glad your son functions so well at school, with friends, in public and at soccer.  That is wonderful and would indicate that he has not delays or disorders.  That doesn't probably make you feel much better when he is having an aggressive tantrum with you.  

You mentioned therapy, what was he in therapy for before?

As far as medication, unless you feel he has an emotional disturbance in the form of a mental disorder-----  I'm not sure what medication you speak of.  Add/Adhd doesn't make you angry in only one setting.   There is no magic pill that fixes behavior all of the time.
Does he need the words to express his feelings?  If so, check out some books from the library that describe emotions he might be having.  get him to use his words.  You will need to work on him getting the pause between anger and acting on it.  So suggest alternatives when he is mad-----  use his words to express it or ask for help, jump up and down, deep breath, count to 10, squeeze and release his fists, etc.  Good luck.  It is very disconcerting when our children have a meltdown especially a violent one.