temper tantrums by 4 year odl

[tamannashah]

My son was a fairly good boy at the beginning. Now for the past few weeks he's been having these fits of anger, that are so fierce, it scares me. I need immediate help with controlling this. Anything that is not according to his wishes can trigger this fit. We have just moved to a new place. He seems to like the place. He likes his new school. The only thing that might trouble him is his language, that's changed from his local language to English. He speaks in english but not as fluent and clear. At home he has started throwing his toys, hits us when he's angry and deliberately do things that I would ask him not to do. He doesn't want to do the routine things like bathing, eating, washing hands, cleaning up etc. He wants to use the toothpaste by himself and puts a lot of it, which I know is harmful for him, sadly he doesn't. The moment the fit is over he wants to patch up with me knowing that I am angry.

I am really worried. If this thing doesn't stop, I would have to put him in a boarding school. That's te only alternative left for me now I think. PLEASE HELP!

[margypops]

It sounds like from your description that he is jealous of you on the phone, perhaps he does it when you are speaking to anyone, I suggest you try to ignore it, I know thats hard but it does sound like he wants all your attention, maybe you have given him that and he is now demanding it. Next time remove him from your lap and walk away from him, he will probably follow yelling, ignore it,tell your neighbor what you will be doing.so she isnt concerned, the yelling isnt going to hurt him, time out may also work.

[tamannashah]

Ok he got the same fit of anger again this morning, just 15 mins after he got up. Over no reason at all. I was on the phone and he was on my lap. I don't understand what sparks this. And my neighbour came asking if he was al right....I don't know when this would end!

[margypops]

Lots of play time lots of Fun ,he is only 4 years old ...time for seriousness later ...good luck to you

[tamannashah]

Yes I think I am going to just do that....I took him out and played with him for more than an hour...He is happy now...I can never send him away...I think I should give him more time in terms of play time. Thank you so much for your suggestions.

[margypops]

No dont send him away, although have to tell you some boarding schools are great, i also think the change for him has been hard maybe he needs more time ,perhaps you can google your community and ask if any other children from India are in your area, be patient with him as I am sure you are trying to be, let some time go by ....

[tamannashah]

I haven't found any communities as yet. But I can always search more. I don't want to send him away. But I don't even want him to become an angry kid. I am doing just as he wants think to be. At times it looks as if he's blackmailing me...I don't know what to do...That's all!

[AnnieBrooke]

Don't sweat the toothpaste.  Toothpaste made for children is not dangerous for them to eat.

He sounds like he's frustrated with all the change.  Is there a local community where you can get involved in which his native language is spoken?

I would talk to a children's therapist about the anger issues before sending him away at only age 4.  There is a world of good information about helping kids through angry periods.

[tamannashah]

I am from India and have recently moved to the US. I am a single mother as well.

[margypops]

Sometimes for us to give you input it would be good to know if you can tell us the country you live in and something of your culture ..