Daisy in final stage

[KrissyM87]

About three weeks ago found out my best friends numbers were off the charts. First vet suggested euthanasia, second gave me some options. I have been researching like crazy and trying everything possible, hollistic and prescribed by the vet. My Daisy, who will be 17 in April has been fighting hard. We have been doing SB fluids twice daily at home, along with many other things around the clock. I allowed my hopes to get to high. She has been so happy and alert, earing again (though still reluctantly) then the last couple days has started to refuse food again. Ive bought every option available and cooked many other options, she just won't eat it. She still keeps sniffing around looking for "junk" food dropped by my little ones. Today she stole a doughnut! Why would she be so drawn to eat junk food? I'm considering adding sugar to her food even though i know it is bad for her. I feel i have nothing to lose. She is waisting away and i can't watch her starve to death.

Another question. Does anyone have some great tips for giving the sb fluids? She is starting to fight me and it's breaking my heart, lately she is jerking around so much i end up having to stab her multiple times. I cannot keep doing this! I know if i stop the fluids she will get worse quickly but am not ready for that decision. I don't want to.be selfish and keep making her fight but i don't want to give up too soon as she is so happy agin, following me around again. How can i ever decide when she has had enough? This emotional roller coaster is killing me. I have had daisy since i was 11! She got me through soooo many hard times, now it is my turn but i feel i am not being strong enough for her. Please help

we are retesting her bloodwork tomorrow and im overly anxious. Her numbers about three weeks ago were crazy high. Bun off the charts >180  creatine 6.5  phoshporus 16 something. (she is sleeping on me or id go grab tge paper for reference)

Thanks for the support, no one in my life can understand right now, so im thankful to have found this group!

[Earlsteffie]

Oh, I am so sorry that now this has happened to you with Lucion. I can only tell you that I can relate 100%. Back in Sept when Steffie's kidneys started to finally give way, the sky literally opened up with negative things seemingly attacking me from all directions......Of ALL TIMES when I was in desperation of attending Steffie. It was as if I was being punished for no reason.

Yes, as with you, I still think it was all a nightmare, and somehow I will wake up and Steffie will be back and life will return to fun times again. Well, we both know that is impossible, so, somehow we take it a day at a time and try to make sense of it all. Actually, after 5 months, personally, I don't think I'll ever see things 'normal' again. My particular situation is that Steffie was a victim of a 'REPUTABLE' breeder, not just the CKD, but ALL the other issues she had since ~2 yrs old. I now DO NOT trust anything anymore, because I never had a companion with so many health issues. But, with your situation Krissy, Daisy was blessed with a very long healthy life with you, and believe me, you wouldn't have wanted to walk in my shoes the past 7 years constantly not knowing.....it was not a cake walk.

The grief journey for me is different than most, because I live alone and I do not have to put on a public face or hide in my grieving. For you, it's a different journey with family, etc..Many say that staying occupied......staying busy, helps. Well, yes, that is true somewhat, but, that does not resolve the problem........only time, hopefully, is the only anecdote, NOT getting another companion.

Well, I Thank You for taking time with your kind words. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it ALL go away, but, I think this site is the best anecdote, .....everyone here 'UNDERSTANDS'.

Take Care of yourself Krissy.

Regards,

Earl

[KrissyM87]

Thank you guys, you have helped me more than you know. I got a reminder card in the mail about being time for Daisys senior wellness visit. So i called to let them know (different vet than who.treated her at the end) and it has only been 11 months since Daisys last blood work, and it was great. She wven had  dental done. So this really did happen so.so fast. I feel like there must of been something else going on and the kidney failure was secondary but that doesn't really matter at this point. I just needed to feel like i didn't miss something. I have guilt about not getting her to the vet sooner. Now i feel a little better about that.

So in other news. I have felt like.each day i have to pick up the pieces of myself and paste them.back together, i was starting to feel a little better and then today i was hit with a sledgehammer. I awoke to find my strictly indoor cat dead in my driveway. He must of slipped out a loose screen in a window. There is no obvious cause of death so we are having a.necropsy done as a couple of my neighbors have made it clear they do not.like animals. Im worried for my other pets too, if someone poisoned my sweet.boy.

Lucion was one of those.amazing cats that acted like a dog. He tolerated two toddlers and never once even began to get mean with them. He was the sweetest soul and he deserved better. This one is so.hard because it wasn't his time yet. All i keep seeing is him alone and cold dying in the driveway trying to reach me. I am so sick. This month i lost both my animal best friends and i don't know what to.do.with myself. I keep hoping this is all just a nightmare i will wake up from. I mean seriously?! Him too?  Thanks for listening

[Earlsteffie]

Krissy, What that guy said made all of us mad. What I posted today might be misconstrued, but, I think a lot of people think that there is a miracle cure, an escape route with CKD....there isn't. The kidneys cannot regenerate like the Liver. Anyone that has been through this horrible, traumatic event with their 'Best Friend' should admit(If they are honest about it) that they experienced guilt during the grieving journey.....As time goes by, your perspective on what REALLY happened in one's struggle to save their Beloved Friend becomes 20-20 again. This guy will have major regrets and again, I feel sorry for his pets. He will have 'TRUE' Guilt,....NOT 'Grief' related guilt. 'Grief Related Guilt is what I was referring to in my posting today.

The other big issue that I've picked up on at this sight was the 'Primary' or 'Secondary' form of CKD. I have a friend whose Dog was diagnosed with CKD(Prematurely by Vet) because of the urinalysis detected 'Protein Loss'. Well, further testing found that the thyroid was the cause and his numbers went back to a good range,...BUT....the kidneys were damaged AND you can't reverse the damage or stop the progression......you can only slow it down. His dog is 11.

Point in case, there was NOTHING else you could have done for Daisy, especially considering her age. There in lies the 'Grief Related Guilt'.....we all are desperate to waive a magic wand to save our 'Best Friend' in Stage 4.......we all become frantic and desperate because nothing seems to be working.

For myself, as I said back when, I cannot personally go through this again....three times is too many for me at my age. I experienced unfound feelings of guilt three times in a row, but, its sadly just part of the grief journey because I couldn't waive a magic wand.

Take Care Krissy.

[DogBlog]

Please do not give that guy the satisfaction of doubting yourself.  I thought of you immediately when I read it and I was so angry thinking you might be reading it.  You did the most unselfish thing for Daisy.  She was suffering terribly.  I wish we had the same option for loved ones!!  I've watched too many people die horrible deaths.

You were and are the most special of pet lovers.  This guy just confirmed to me that I was a good pet lover....but I've had more time to heal.  STAY CONFIDENT!!!

Lots of hugs,
Charlene

[KrissyM87]

and now I'm just mad after reading that post about how we should feel guilty for what we did. I am obviously still struggling with the decision, and reading about Darbie's struggle at Easter and then improvement makes me wonder even more about Daisys struggle at Easter. I think i only keep coming back to "i should of gotten her to fight longer" is because this is so unbearable..but i know it was unbearable for.her :(

[KrissyM87]

Hey guys, got Daisy's remains back. Having really hard time. (not to mention they got the engraving wrong, but are sending a new name plate for the box :/ )