Aa
My anxiety is taking over please help!
Had sex with guy #1 June 14th (one time no ejaculation even tho precum can get you pregnant, took plan B on third day)
Had sex with guy #2 June 15th and July till now
LMP: June 26th, I’m very regular with my periods I used to get them every month so I’m assuming it was an actual period specially since I’m not measuring ahead of it
First ultrasound done on August 16th baby was measuring 5w 6d
Second ultrasound done on August 26th baby was measuring 7w 3d (one day ahead of first ultrasound)
Had what I’m assuming implantation bleeding on 3rd/4th week of July around the time of expected period and Doctor says conception was on July 19th
All signs point to guy #2, I would really like to do a DNA test for peace of mind but maybe I’m just freaking out. Both guys say it’s a waste of money since it’s more than obvious but i need opinions
Had sex with guy #2 June 15th and July till now
LMP: June 26th, I’m very regular with my periods I used to get them every month so I’m assuming it was an actual period specially since I’m not measuring ahead of it
First ultrasound done on August 16th baby was measuring 5w 6d
Second ultrasound done on August 26th baby was measuring 7w 3d (one day ahead of first ultrasound)
Had what I’m assuming implantation bleeding on 3rd/4th week of July around the time of expected period and Doctor says conception was on July 19th
All signs point to guy #2, I would really like to do a DNA test for peace of mind but maybe I’m just freaking out. Both guys say it’s a waste of money since it’s more than obvious but i need opinions
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, if a doctor and two directly interested guys, plus a period and early ultrasound evidence, point out that there is no question at all about who the dad is, it's hard to imagine what someone you don't know on the Internet can say to convince you. (I will note that you have company, though ... we hear from women all the time whose dates and evidence leave no possible doubt about paternity, and they are freaked out anyway. One woman had a lover who was a month off the date of conception and had had a vasectomy much earlier, and she not only got TWO prenatal tests but also had him get his vasectomy checked (!), and then fretted through the entire rest of the pregnancy that all the tests were somehow wrong. Hint - don't do that.)
You don't say if the test you want to do is prenatal or post-natal. I'd say it would be entirely foolish to waste your money on a prenatal test. They cost ten times the amount of a post-natal DNA test, they usually aren't admissible in court to prove paternity, and you already know the answer anyway. You couldn't have had an ultrasound at 5 weeks 6 days and some doctor read it and miss the fact that the baby was actually in its ninth week.
However, (and the following two paragraphs only apply if you are not married, so skip them if you are married to the second guy), it's a good idea to get a DNA test once the baby is born. (The fact that such a test will put your irrational worries to rest is not a bad side benefit either, though don't tell the guys this is why you want it or they will be confirmed in their growing suspicion that on this topic you are cray cray.) Though there is no question who the dad is, you would do a DNA test because it is important for the baby's legal rights.
If a married woman has a baby, the law assumes her husband is the father, and it is a difficult assumption to break. But for a baby born to an unmarried woman, a DNA test needs to be done for the court to determine paternity legally. Your doctor, or the clerk of the family court in your area of jurisdiction, can tell you what lab(s) they accept for DNA tests for legal determination of paternity. This is very important because your child has legal rights, and in the event that the child will have future needs of its father you want everything to be in order. So a DNA test is a good idea (and if you want, you could do it with both guys, but it's likely the first guy will say forget it and he would be justified in doing so!), just don't waste the money on a prenatal test. It won't give you legal proof of paternity, and that is the only reason you would need a DNA test on file at all.
So, stop fretting, don't be foolish in a way the guys can see, congratulations, and good luck!
Annie
You don't say if the test you want to do is prenatal or post-natal. I'd say it would be entirely foolish to waste your money on a prenatal test. They cost ten times the amount of a post-natal DNA test, they usually aren't admissible in court to prove paternity, and you already know the answer anyway. You couldn't have had an ultrasound at 5 weeks 6 days and some doctor read it and miss the fact that the baby was actually in its ninth week.
However, (and the following two paragraphs only apply if you are not married, so skip them if you are married to the second guy), it's a good idea to get a DNA test once the baby is born. (The fact that such a test will put your irrational worries to rest is not a bad side benefit either, though don't tell the guys this is why you want it or they will be confirmed in their growing suspicion that on this topic you are cray cray.) Though there is no question who the dad is, you would do a DNA test because it is important for the baby's legal rights.
If a married woman has a baby, the law assumes her husband is the father, and it is a difficult assumption to break. But for a baby born to an unmarried woman, a DNA test needs to be done for the court to determine paternity legally. Your doctor, or the clerk of the family court in your area of jurisdiction, can tell you what lab(s) they accept for DNA tests for legal determination of paternity. This is very important because your child has legal rights, and in the event that the child will have future needs of its father you want everything to be in order. So a DNA test is a good idea (and if you want, you could do it with both guys, but it's likely the first guy will say forget it and he would be justified in doing so!), just don't waste the money on a prenatal test. It won't give you legal proof of paternity, and that is the only reason you would need a DNA test on file at all.
So, stop fretting, don't be foolish in a way the guys can see, congratulations, and good luck!
Annie
4 Comments
Thank you so much for replying!
I don’t know if it’s the guilt that I have because my boyfriend and I weren’t together when I was with this other guy! He was a one night stand and my boyfriend and him know each other which it sucks! We got back together the next day which I know it’s bad having sex with different guys back to back!:( I did get screened for STDS (everything was ok thank God) with that being said it’s my mind playing tricks! I feel so ashamed of myself! And also because some people who are due with a similar date as I have told me not to assume who the dad could be because it could be either guy which it scares me more! But I have proof that it’s my boyfriends baby for sure! And even if doctors went by lmp due date it would be April 2nd which it still gives a July conception my due date is based off the first two ultrasound scans which is April 11th I’m assuming I ovulated late. Which puts conception a whole month off! And I’m assuming if I have gotten pregnant in June I would probably be due beginning/mid March! I’m so scared, I love my boyfriend so much I don’t want to loose him he’s an amazing guy!
I was planning on doing the prenatal test but like you said it’s very pricey! Where I’m from it’s $1,700 dollars and I’m not working at the moment so I can’t to do it! My boyfriend can easily pay for it but he said if I had a period and I was only with him in July that it would be a waste of money! The June dude knows I had a period so he definitely doesn’t want to pay! I’m so stressed I haven’t enjoyed pregnancy at all it’s my first baby it’s been a hustle!
So we’re not married but we are planning to get married! A DNA test after baby is born would help out to put my mind at ease! Thank you for that legal DNA advice! I’ll take that in consideration! Im just hoping he looks like my boyfriend when he’s born, I had a 3D scan at 28 weeks and I compared my boyfriends new born picture with my baby and they definitely do look a like! But maybe it’s also my mind trying to convince myself it’s my boyfriends baby. All signs point to my boyfriend but I start overthinking what if the datings are wrong or something. I always get ultrasounds at every visit and my baby measures a week ahead of his head will measure two weeks ahead which it scares me even tho I doubt conception dates change..
I don’t know if it’s the guilt that I have because my boyfriend and I weren’t together when I was with this other guy! He was a one night stand and my boyfriend and him know each other which it sucks! We got back together the next day which I know it’s bad having sex with different guys back to back!:( I did get screened for STDS (everything was ok thank God) with that being said it’s my mind playing tricks! I feel so ashamed of myself! And also because some people who are due with a similar date as I have told me not to assume who the dad could be because it could be either guy which it scares me more! But I have proof that it’s my boyfriends baby for sure! And even if doctors went by lmp due date it would be April 2nd which it still gives a July conception my due date is based off the first two ultrasound scans which is April 11th I’m assuming I ovulated late. Which puts conception a whole month off! And I’m assuming if I have gotten pregnant in June I would probably be due beginning/mid March! I’m so scared, I love my boyfriend so much I don’t want to loose him he’s an amazing guy!
I was planning on doing the prenatal test but like you said it’s very pricey! Where I’m from it’s $1,700 dollars and I’m not working at the moment so I can’t to do it! My boyfriend can easily pay for it but he said if I had a period and I was only with him in July that it would be a waste of money! The June dude knows I had a period so he definitely doesn’t want to pay! I’m so stressed I haven’t enjoyed pregnancy at all it’s my first baby it’s been a hustle!
So we’re not married but we are planning to get married! A DNA test after baby is born would help out to put my mind at ease! Thank you for that legal DNA advice! I’ll take that in consideration! Im just hoping he looks like my boyfriend when he’s born, I had a 3D scan at 28 weeks and I compared my boyfriends new born picture with my baby and they definitely do look a like! But maybe it’s also my mind trying to convince myself it’s my boyfriends baby. All signs point to my boyfriend but I start overthinking what if the datings are wrong or something. I always get ultrasounds at every visit and my baby measures a week ahead of his head will measure two weeks ahead which it scares me even tho I doubt conception dates change..
I am really dead serious when I caution "don't be foolish." What you have to lose, when inventing scenarios that ignore your period and fifth-week ultrasound, is the patience and love of your boyfriend, and losing that would be losing a lot.
In fact, put a sock in it if you are tempted to share your creative inventions in which the wrong guy is the dad, with anyone. Try to rise above and act calm even if you're not feeling it. (And for heaven's sake don't go down the road of acting ticked that the guys have the money to do a prenatal test but won't cough it up. They might prefer to spend their money in more sensible places, and they are right in thinking that it's totally unnecessary.) Nothing suggests the wrong guy is the father.
If you can't stop obsessing, see a counselor or therapist, and talk about underlying anxieties that the pregnancy is bringing up. It's likely the real issue has more to do with survival-level worries, not who is the dad of the baby. Talk with the counselor about those worries and your obsession with paternity will fade away.
In fact, put a sock in it if you are tempted to share your creative inventions in which the wrong guy is the dad, with anyone. Try to rise above and act calm even if you're not feeling it. (And for heaven's sake don't go down the road of acting ticked that the guys have the money to do a prenatal test but won't cough it up. They might prefer to spend their money in more sensible places, and they are right in thinking that it's totally unnecessary.) Nothing suggests the wrong guy is the father.
If you can't stop obsessing, see a counselor or therapist, and talk about underlying anxieties that the pregnancy is bringing up. It's likely the real issue has more to do with survival-level worries, not who is the dad of the baby. Talk with the counselor about those worries and your obsession with paternity will fade away.
Thank you so much for being straightforward, I’ll definitely look into therapy this situation is very stressful but I know it’s more than obvious! Some girls have told me that they have same due dates as me and that they have irregular periods they missed a period in June/July and still are due before or same date as me that also helps a lot! And about the guy’s money, my boyfriend will literally spend on stupid stuff which I don’t get it or will spend on casinos! And the June dude will waste his money in drinking! It’s frustrating, but I’ll be okay, thank you once again!
You say your boyfriend spends his money on stupid stuff and the June guy wastes his money, and that "it's frustrating!" But it's their money to waste or not.
I mention this because you are still anxious. This says some other worry that isn't paternity is running the show. If your underlying concern is how you and the baby will make it financially, the guys and their wastefulness could very well trigger your own survival anxieties. If that's it, no amount of reassurance about paternity will help, since paternity is not really what's stressing you deep inside.
If this guess seems right, talk to your counselor about that concern, and try making some contingency plans and doing some budgeting. Doing so can help ease your fears (if they are based on worries about financial survival), and will also go a long ways to keep you from going on about paternity to the guys.
I mention this because you are still anxious. This says some other worry that isn't paternity is running the show. If your underlying concern is how you and the baby will make it financially, the guys and their wastefulness could very well trigger your own survival anxieties. If that's it, no amount of reassurance about paternity will help, since paternity is not really what's stressing you deep inside.
If this guess seems right, talk to your counselor about that concern, and try making some contingency plans and doing some budgeting. Doing so can help ease your fears (if they are based on worries about financial survival), and will also go a long ways to keep you from going on about paternity to the guys.
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