Aa
Seriously need help!
Short story, I had my period on 5/19/2020. Sex with guy A around 5/26/2020. Then sex with guy B on 6/24/2020. I do not remember getting my period after guy A. I didn't go to doctor until I was 10weeks, 3days. Two different ultrasound techs give me the due date of 3/19/2021. I delivered on 3/24/2021.All signs point to guy B but my son looks so much like guy A. PLEASE help me!!
COMMUNITY LEADER
What is your current relationship with guy A and with guy B?
It sounds like guy B's baby to me; sometimes women who are feeling guilty about sex with the 'wrong' guy will look right at a baby and feel like they are seeing the person's face that they feel guilty about.
So, does guy B know about guy A? Do either know you have a question in your mind? Who is on the birth certificate as the father? What is the situation with child support?
If everything is settled with guy B as the dad, I'd tend to leave well enough alone. But if your conscience is bugging you (or your psyche is), could you tell guy B you'd like to do a DNA test? Are you married to him? If not, you could tell him you'd like to do the DNA test for legal reasons (for the baby's legal rights to his dad to be confirmed).
It sounds like guy B's baby to me; sometimes women who are feeling guilty about sex with the 'wrong' guy will look right at a baby and feel like they are seeing the person's face that they feel guilty about.
So, does guy B know about guy A? Do either know you have a question in your mind? Who is on the birth certificate as the father? What is the situation with child support?
If everything is settled with guy B as the dad, I'd tend to leave well enough alone. But if your conscience is bugging you (or your psyche is), could you tell guy B you'd like to do a DNA test? Are you married to him? If not, you could tell him you'd like to do the DNA test for legal reasons (for the baby's legal rights to his dad to be confirmed).
5 Comments
I have a better history with guy B, guy A was a random drunk hookup. Guy B claims the baby looks nothing like him. But neither does his first son that is 100% his. Everyone says my son looks just like me. I'm paranoid due to his skin being lighter than me and guy B. I'm scared to file for child support and it's not guy B baby. I have no information on how to find guy A anyways.
Just to be clear about why I suggest you leave it alone, a baby that comes from sex on May 26 would have to be 3 weeks overdue to be born on March 24. Women rarely go as much as 7 days past their due date, and if they do, the doctor gets really nervous and will order a C-section. Its development would have been seen in ultrasounds, nobody would get it wrong by 3 weeks.
Do you have any photos of guy B when he was an infant or toddler? If not, can you ask his mom for some? (You can tell her you'd like to make a photo montage of his picture and his son's picture.) My son and his dad don't look a lot alike in person, but they were spitting images of each other in photos taken when they were babies. If I had had any question about paternity, one glance at those photos would have settled it.
Do you have any photos of guy B when he was an infant or toddler? If not, can you ask his mom for some? (You can tell her you'd like to make a photo montage of his picture and his son's picture.) My son and his dad don't look a lot alike in person, but they were spitting images of each other in photos taken when they were babies. If I had had any question about paternity, one glance at those photos would have settled it.
I'm also thinking of this "skin being lighter than me and guy B" thing. First of all, it's not uncommon for a baby to have lighter skin than either parent. It just means the baby has a genetic package that includes elements from his grandparents, and even from their parents. I've known more than one kid that didn't look much like either parent, and was a little clone of a grandparent. (In one case, I complimented a mother on the beauty of her daughter, apparent even when the girl was 5. The mom laughed and said, "I had nothing to do with it! It's all my husband's mother.")
Don't let the dad's snipey remarks about the baby not looking like him get under your skin, ask him for some family baby photos, and dig up some of yours. You might get some answers. In the meantime, don't be afraid to do a DNA test for the purposes of setting up for child support. You'd be shortchanging your baby and ignoring his rights if you hold back due to being scared for no reason.
Don't let the dad's snipey remarks about the baby not looking like him get under your skin, ask him for some family baby photos, and dig up some of yours. You might get some answers. In the meantime, don't be afraid to do a DNA test for the purposes of setting up for child support. You'd be shortchanging your baby and ignoring his rights if you hold back due to being scared for no reason.
Thanks for your help! I actually did have to have a C-section due to me having uterus didelphys. And my son was 6 pounds and not overweight at birth, I hope the DNA testing proves it's guy B to get him to be more involved in my son's life.
A DNA test won't necessarily cause a guy to suddenly want to be more involved in his child's life if he is trying to sneak out of the obligation, but it does provide the backbone of the child's right to financial support. Don't let the dad b.s. you by trying to put it into your mind that he's not the father. Also, if he's dragging his feet on taking a DNA test, you should know that you can get him summoned by a judge for one -- the law does not smile upon dads trying to get out of their obligations to their children. (In some states, the mere refusal to take a test is enough to get yourself declared the daddy.)
If you don't know where to turn for advice on establishing paternity legally, either see a lawyer who does family law, or go to a legal clinic run by a law school if there is one near you. (Call the law school's main office and ask if they have a legal clinic that does family law.) They will be able to advise you on what lab to go to, how to get the dad there too, and other important topics. Do go when the dad does his swab at the court-approved DNA lab, and witness him getting swabbed. You don't want there to be any question about fakery later.
There is no time like the present to get this attended to. Don't fail to act on your child's right to the (financial) support he deserves from his father. (Not to scare you, but in some areas of the law if you delay too long you lose. I don't think you being slow will negate your child's rights, though.) Maybe the dad's emotional support for the child will follow once the DNA test makes it clear he is really the dad, but in any case at least the child will come away from a legal proceeding with the right to child support.
If you don't know where to turn for advice on establishing paternity legally, either see a lawyer who does family law, or go to a legal clinic run by a law school if there is one near you. (Call the law school's main office and ask if they have a legal clinic that does family law.) They will be able to advise you on what lab to go to, how to get the dad there too, and other important topics. Do go when the dad does his swab at the court-approved DNA lab, and witness him getting swabbed. You don't want there to be any question about fakery later.
There is no time like the present to get this attended to. Don't fail to act on your child's right to the (financial) support he deserves from his father. (Not to scare you, but in some areas of the law if you delay too long you lose. I don't think you being slow will negate your child's rights, though.) Maybe the dad's emotional support for the child will follow once the DNA test makes it clear he is really the dad, but in any case at least the child will come away from a legal proceeding with the right to child support.
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