I'm getting more depressed and anxious because I feel like I'm failing my parents.

[StarStuff18]

I am a 20 year old girl who finished her Alevels last year. My parents have always wanted me to become a doctor and every since I started getting hold of myself, I've just heard one thing and that is that I am supposed to be a doctor. And I tried. I am a brilliant student and I've always done well in science subjects like chemistry, bio and physics. But I've always had to put in a little more effort. I have great grades but when I appeared for my entrace exams for medical schools like MCAT, I was taken aback because I did not do well at all. I was very disheartened and very stressed out about the whole situation because every single person was expecting me to do amazingly on the test. Especially my parents. So I took a gap year even though I did not want to take it at all. Instead I wanted to pursue what I really really wanted to do, psychology. But I still went for a gap year to appear for the test again and now, it went worse than the last time. It's even hard for me to believe that I'm not able to do good on it even though I'm a great student. Maybe it's because I don't want to do it at all because becoming a doctor requires a lot of nerves and dedication and I just get scared of that. And my interest lies more in arts and psychology. And now, I feel like I've let my parents down so much. I've disappointed them after all that they did for me. It's so hard to even look them in the eye and talk to them. I don't know what to do. I've been feeling horrible since a year now and it's just eating me up from the inside and out. I already have depression and anxiety issues. And Everytime I sat down to study for the entrance exam, I felt like crying because the anxiety would just reach new heights, making me tremble and sweat and what not. I know that i can be a great doctor. But I just don't want to. I want to do something in which I feel free and can excel way more. How should I make myself feel better?

[CML2014]

Hi Star,
The name is a perfect fit.  For one so young you know the path that will make you  the happiest. This is a true gift. You have made your decision, but do you feel your parents will only love you if you become a Doctor???

Nonsense, and so they did a lot for you to get you to where you are, and you have paid them back . You did not waste your schooling like so many young people do.
You made the most out of your intelligence , enough to know what you want.
You took that seed and made it blossom with potential.

Perhaps the best thing you could do is allow them to read your posting. Seems to me you know what your doing, but do they know how they make you feel.
You wrote a wonderful post and your parents should read it since it really says it all.
Got to let their baby fly on their own Now!

I wish you all the best and know you will be a success as long as it is what you want . The pride your parents will feel will be self evident.

FLY GIRL!!!!!!
CML

[specialmom]

Hi there.  I read your post from the perspective of being a parent.  I have a son who is incredibly intelligent.  We've pushed in an effort to help him meet his potential.  Your post reminds me that we have to be careful that pushing doesn't turn into pressure.  All parents have to be careful to also not put their dreams/hopes onto their children.  Because not everyone could be a doctor, I'm sure it is exciting to your parents that they have a child that could actually do it.  That's a gift.  

But I do know from being a parent, that what we REALLY want is for our children to be happy.  I don't want my kids to live their lives to make ME happy.  

I'm guessing that your parents aren't aware in any way of how they make you feel.  This could be worth a conversation.  

This is YOUR life.  You must find a career path that fits who you are and what you want.  Even if you make a major switch that your parents don't understand, it's okay.  This is about your ultimate happiness and finding something that you feel you can do long term and sustain you financially as an adult separate from your parents.

If you feel anxious or depressed on a clinical level, this is good to talk to a professional about.  Your school may be able to give you access to these types of professionals.  Again, this would be good to open up that communication with your parents so they know what is going on within.  Hang in there and stay in touch with us.

[Paxiled]

Wow, I answered this question and it's not here.  Ah, the wonders of the internet.  Let's see if I can reproduce what I thought of when I read this.  If you don't want to be a doctor, you're probably not going to be a very good one even if you do become one.  Most doctors become doctors because their parents told them to because it's a very secure job that pays a lot of money.  But being a psychologist, while not as lucrative as being a doctor, is still a very well paying profession.  The main thing is, you do better when you do what you have conviction for doing.  Most doctors aren't very good at their jobs because most doctors didn't really want to be doctors, they did it for the money and the fact that it's one of those professions (psychology is another) that you can be horrid at and still get regular work.  Almost none get fired.  So they're stuck in a job they didn't really want and, worse, there's no pressure to get better at it.  Some doctors love it and are great, but those studies that are out there looking at the work of medical professionals aren't very reassuring.  That's why some doctors and psychologist are impossible to get an appointment with -- those are the ones who love what they do and do it very well.  If that isn't going to be you, and you know there are other things out there to do that will be you, it's silly to let your parents decide for you when it's you who will be living this day to day, not them.  Families are great when you love one another, but they're not so great with the competitive dynamics.  Everyone knows where the weak spots are.  You are going to make up your own mind one way or another because even if you become something because your parents decide that for you it's still you who have to do it for the rest of your life.  They just get to tell everyone they have a doctor in the family.  Money's not a bad thing to have, but you're choosing between two well-paying professions, and you've got what it takes to get where you want to go.  Now, I'll tell you a story about me.  My parents wanted me to be a lawyer.  I didn't.  But I became one, and while it was anxiety that really ended it as a viable profession for me, and while I did great in law school, practicing law was not anything I ever wanted to do.  I lasted 19 months and moved on to other things.  I also did poorly on my standardized tests, but they aren't good at predicting success.  Your grades are your best predictors.  The tests are just used as an arbitrary way for selective schools to make enrollment decisions, they don't mean those chosen are better than those not chosen.  I went to a law school my first year that was below my skills, did great, and transferred to one of the best schools in the country where I still did great.  So will you if you do decide to go to medical school.  Your anxiety over it might be affecting your scores -- it did mine.  Was it because I was conflicted about becoming a lawyer?  Probably played a role.  Is that your problem?  I don't know you, but you know you.  To me, your grades show you will do well whatever you choose to do as far as school is concerned, but actually working at the job has virtually no relation to what you do in school, which is learn.  Learning is fun for a lot of us, but the work isn't necessarily.  It's hard to have a choice, but if you really do know being a doctor isn't for you, again, your parents aren't going to be going to work every day for you, you will.  Peace.

[Paxiled]

I forgot, if the problem is, you really do want to be a doctor and you're scared of failing, that's a whole other kettle of fish.  That's insecurity you're best dealing with sooner than later.