how can i go on?

[mandy876]

i promised i would not write about this again.  i could not be helped.  Well i tried so hard to fake things were fine. But i just cant take any more.  everything i say is wrong she is already right when she even knows she is wrong.  it is so exhausting having to go through this every day. of course it is my fault.  i took my pills this morning.  and i had an argument with my nece about quit talking down to me like i am stupid or something.  i found a bottle of vodka and had a mixed drink.  i stayed in my room.  i fell asleep.  my young niece called her car had broke down and they wanted to come back here.  they are visiting for a week my grandson stayed 3 weeks with us.  that woke me up she  told me to tell them she had taken her pills and could not drive to get them.  she is supposed to get them in the morning.  i am sitting here wondering what do i have to live for.  you give me advise but there are no answers.  i am drinking and i am not feeling a thing.  cant even go to sleep.  i just want to go to sleep and be left alone and not ran down every single day.  i got to see my sister.  on fathers day they called and asked us to come.  i dont want to go on.  i dont know if i have the nerve to do something or not. i hope so.  i want to go be with my family.  i am so lonely i hurt. when i get my pain pills maybe i can use them and just go to sleep.  why am i herr why does god hate me.  why did he take everyone i loved away. leave me with users that only want my money and what i have. i just give up.  god bless you all.  hope your life turns out better than mine has.  mandy876

[nursegirl6572]

"You have to think about yourself. Moving more people in to your home will most likely cause you more problems. You have the biggest heart and I know you want to help people but it seems that some of the people in your family just take advantage of your big heart. "

^^^^ Worth saying again!

You know how this is going to end up, mandy....with more tension, stress, and more burden placed on you....financially, for child care...not to mention you have your own needs which are rarely ever considered.  If you move more people in, it's going to be a nightmare for you I'm afraid.  You already said there is barely enough room now, how are you going to move 2 more people in (possibly 3 when she gets a new BF, or gets back with this one)?

I WISH you'd find the strength to say enough is enough...that while you'd love to help, you cannot help in that way.  And, the more you allow people to continue to take advantage of you, the more it will encourage others to do the same.

[remar]

I do wish you luck with your new medication. Wellbutrin can be a little stimulating for some of us so if you have that problem give your Dr a call. It can work great for depression and I'm really hoping it works well for you. Are you taking something for your anxiety too?
I agree with Nursegirl. You have to think about yourself. Moving more people in to your home will most likely cause you more problems. You have the biggest heart and I know you want to help people but it seems that some of the people in your family just take advantage of your big heart.
We're always here for you. Medhelp is a wonderful site because many of us here are like family. We're always going to be here to listen and help you anyway we can. Big hugs!

[mandy876]

my sister has nothing to do with me.  there is 6 years difference in our age she is older.  she does not like me having her daughter live with me. they let us come see her dad on fathers day  we had their grandson with us.  he is 7 years old they have never  seen him.  he liked his papaw he made logan a airplane.  but my sister and I got messed up when they would not help when my dad was dieing.  and did not help with mom to get groceries or take her to the doctor or go to the hospital when we had to rush her there by ambulance.  I don't think I can ever forgive her for that.  she asked me do you want me to come and stare at her. I said no just for once be a daughter.  and also I needed to gets groceries and my meds.  none cared.  the nurse as hospice made us her last patient she would stay with mom and I would run to sore and get everything we might need and things that had a long shelf life.  she had to have surgery ad mom died before she got back.  she was a very special person  I really loved her she was so sweet to my mom.  the doctor put me on wellbutrin it is supposed to help with depression stress and a lot of my problems.  wish me luck. mandy876

[nursegirl6572]

I know you've got a big generous heart, but dear lady, taking more people into your home is not a good idea, and you know this.  You've already talked about it extensively.  

I just cannot stress enough that YOU are the one who is control of how people treat you, and a lot of times, the people you help the most treat you very badly.  It's just got to stop.  You HAVE to put your foot down.  If you don't, you will feel worse and worse physically, emotionally, etc.  You're taking on everyone's burdens, and neglecting yourself.

It breaks my heart.  My thoughts are with you, as always.

[4Maddie44]

I hope so too Mandy.  Hope all goes well with the doctor.  Let us know how you get on.

[mandy876]

i got an appointment with my doctor.  he cant see me for my checkup until 11/26 but they are seeing me as an emergency in the morning hope they can do something tocalm me down.

[mandy876]

i tried to talk to my niece but my grandson would keep yelling so we could not talk.  i told her my meds were not working i cant handle this.  she said tell her daughter or go to the doctor.  See no one cares,  jessie goes to the attorney general tomorrow to get custody of their baby.  a little bit ago he was on the phone and he got off and grabbed up the baby and left.we dont know where or what he is doing.  she does not want to talk any more right now.  we go next weekend and move  jessie and gabe here.  she has no one else.  i dont have the money or room.  she said she would get a job.  her friend said she could get her a job where she works.  who will baby set. a baby.  people will promise things and never follow through. he still owes me 2200.00 on her surgery and battery on her car to get them home.  mandy876

[4Maddie44]

Mandy I know you are coping with a lot at the moment as you are in continual pain, and now four other family members are moving in with you.  It is a lot to deal with.  Like remar says, try and get to see a doctor.  I know you could do with a rest.  

Yes we are always here for you.

[remar]

You have those two little children who love you and you have us.
When you go to see your Dr do not let your niece go in with you. There's no reason for her to do that. You need to talk to the Dr alone. You mentioned your sister. Would it be possible to stay with her? Maybe even just for a little while until you feel better. We're always here for you. I hope you know that. We truly do care about you.

[mandy876]

why does life have to be so hard, i get so tired and feel sick alot.  i am so tired of being told there is nothing wrong with me.  day in day out.  even when i  have my spells when my pain gets so bad i break out in a cold sweat and i get sopping wet with the cold sweat.  the back pain is so bad at times.  she says every one does this.  no one i know has had this happen to them.  charlene

[mandy876]

i try to keep my cool.  but she goes on and on.  until i think i will scream.  she is out for herself.  she cares less about me are 2 of her own daughters.  they are precious girls.  especially the middle one.  she is so pretty and sweet and told her mom she would give anything on earth if ashe lovedher as much as she does her little sister.  the older one her language and anger is quiet obvious.  she is on no meds that i know of,  the middle one is addicted to pain meds due to a back problem.  her mom is mad she had a sweet baby boy shortly after that she walked out abd told her husband she no longer loved him.  tammy cant forgive her for leaving her 1 girl and 2 boys. she does not care about anyone. she can be so mean.  i asked her if she cared if i went to see the doctor ashesaid i dont care what you do. it doesnt matter to me.i feel so alone.

[4Maddie44]

We here on this site are always here for each other, to support and sympathise.  We all need to get things out of our system, and here we find people who understand us.  

I know how sometimes things get difficult for you with your niece.  Keep posting here, and try and let what she says to hurt you, pass you by.  Try not to dwell on it.  Like I have said before, depression is a difficult illness to live with.  We somehow have to get through our days.  You say you do not know how much more you can take, but as a lot of us here know, you have had to put up with a lot.  You have managed so far, so keep going dear lady.  Try not to let things, and people upset you.  I know that is difficult, but please try.  I know you are sick of it all, and want a quiet life.  You took in a relative, and that is such a kind act.  

We will always be here for you, anytime.  

[Nighthawk61]

It's been so long since we've talked Sorry to hear that Tammy is being mean to you. Life should be easier than we make it. When we're older we know that there is not a whole lifetime left, and we are more careful with each moment we have. But the young ones, they aren't able to grasp the reality that time is short, and we make our own joy. I hope by now things are getting a bit better.Yes please continue to post and let us know how you are, i have missed hearing from you. Liz

[mandy876]

hi this hass been rreally bad lately.  i cant please everybody. or anybody.  i have nothing to lookforwrd to but my young niece and her 2 kids.  i lovethem so much.  the baby isgetting really close to me.  he sees me in the mornung and he hold out his arms and holds on so tight  he is silly makes the cutest faces,  the oldesthas been here over 3 weeks she and the baby came to stay 1 week and pick him up.  her car broke down. and might cost a klot of money to fix.  her boyfriend decided to come up and help after she got mad he wanted to go camping instead,  the baaby adores him. he would not let go if him. her car threw a timing belt and must have thrown a rid or broke the pistons.  theey were suppose to work on it tomorrow but the mechanic decided to do something eelse.  so i guess we are going to the lake.  i dont how much more i can takee from my older niece she can be so mean.  then turn around like nothng happened and be nice.  then mean again.  she will not go anywhere if i dont go with her.  i am so sick of it all.  i am tired.  thnk you for being here fir me.  i would not make it if i did not have yiu totalk to.  mandy876

[mandy876]

  i would like a mean a kind word are just some oe to let me knowi am still here.  i have no one to talk to.  i guess we all have problems.  i am so tired.  go to the doctor next month.  if i want it is check up. yuck.  whata theuse he willask questions and she will answer and i will come home with myy headaches and still no questions of mine answered..  i am losing my shortt time memory.  or she is making me think i am.  hope everyone has a good day.  mandy876