Depressed... What do i do? I'm so lost...

[Emily_94]

Jeez, where to start.. I don't live at home because of my mother who has a serious problem with cocaine, weed, and alcohol along with her boyfriend. My mother used to get really drunk and stoned and verbal abuse me really badly, and hit me when she had a bad day, and sometimes she would touch me and i didn't understand that it was wrong at the time because i was really young, and her boyfriend would never do anything about it. He would also join her in the verbal abuse... When i was still young one of my brothers friends would always come over with out my parents or brother being home and said he would just wait until my brother got home. But we would play tag which often ended up into my bedroom where 'things' would happen and which again i thought nothing of it. My mother has been kicking me out of the house ever since I've been 13, and I've never had anywhere to go. Then i made some friends and stayed at their place (twice, with two different friends)  and none of those worked. I've been going back and fourth to my aunts, where the most i would stay is probably a month until she said that my mother called and said she loves me and wants me back. My aunt would pack up all my stuff and drop me off at the foot of my driveway and drive off real fast. When i walked in the door my mom would say 'Why are you back here? I never said you could come back' After sleeping in parks or under trees, my aunt took me in again, but this time i would be staying for longer because the government was giving her money for me to stay. I've been with my aunt for a year and almost a month, and it would be a dream come true if her son (my cousin) wasn't crazy... He doesn't listen to a word she says and always tells her to **** off and go die, ect, and when i first came to live here all he ever told me was nobody loves me, that's why I'm adopted, i shouldn't even be living with my aunt and so on so fourth.. ( My cousin is 21)

So for weeks I've been suicidal, I've been cutting myself to try to release stress and its not working well, I'm so sick of feeling pain inside my chest, and just wanting to explode... I just can't do it anymore, I'm so lost, I'm ready to go and down a thing of Tylenol but i don't think i have the guts, but everyday  i get closer and closer to doing it.. I don't have a therapist because, i don't really like them, and I'm to head strung to tell my aunt that i need one.. And I'm also afraid that there gonna put me on anti-depressants and other drugs...
I hate attention with a passion which is why i don't like to have more then 2 friends at a time, and I'm not a liar.. I just think i really need help...  

[anaeli27]

ok Emily,... i can help you in give it to you the cell phone of my daugther,786-468-1897
she is 19 years old,.. cause she speak fluent english and can be your friend for sure, so do I. but my english doesnt really good, im really worry about your history, and i see you like my daughter, some friends of her cames to me before when she was on school, to get some advice, cause her parents...
i want to help you, are you in miami?
my e-mail is roig.***@****
my cell 786-230-4996

i have a baby of  9 months older, so text me first untill i get time,ok?
your life its really hard or was, cause from now you will be stronger and do the right things for you and you will see all changes but goods in your life, you are older  now, and its help for u cause  nobody can  hurt you at all,.. you will find great people outside and a lot of love for you cause u deserved,...

Im feel so bad for you, i want to go where u are and help u,.. just do to u a favor,.. be strong and get up, cause u will find help outside, maybe u dont need a doctor at all, just need a work, a rent, and a lot of friends,...!!! then if u want go to studied some that u like, or not...its up to you...
so Emily,.. call me or text me, ok?
im worry for you,.. and call to my daughter she is LETTY, i will tell her,..
wait for u!!!

[MMahon]

You know you need help so why not seek it out???
The people best able to get you that help are doctors or therapists.
They are not going to come to you. (Unless your institutionalized) You have to ask for help to get to see them.
You should try to see a psychiatrist.  Talk to the government agency giving your aunt help for  you for help getting to see one.  They should have social workers who are paid to assist you.
Talk to them also about getting you into a safer home enviornment where you can get help with the issues you are facing.   Perhaps a young adult group home which provides treatment and support will be of benefit to you.
You have to care about yourself or no one else will care about you either.
Take control of your life and decide to do the RIGHT things to get the help you need. YOU are the only one you can count on so be determined to do what's best for you and your future.
Don't be afraid to seek help....you'll be glad you did.