Emotional times 2

[EMOTIONALx2]

So lately it's been one emotional roller coaster. I have had two miscarriages in the last year, bought a house and decided after the second miscarriage to get married. After the first pregnancy boyfriend wasn't so attentive but after the second one he was a bit more attentive to my needs. Needless to say here I am lonely, angry, sad and all alone. During the second pregnancy only a few people knew I was pregnant because I don't do well on the emotional side of managing feelings. My whole life (30 years) has been spent managing phony relationships with people. It's only now that I have acknowledged that. I was previously in a 12 year relationship that ended bad and even with that I had to be strong by myself. Now I just can't seem to be strong, crying, sleeping all day, not eating except one meal a day, now I even find myself wanting a drink and wishing I didn't have to work because more pretending I have to do. All I ever wanted was to be happy and even now in this new relationship (3 years) I can't seem to have that. I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to lose my bright and happy personality all while trying to maintain some self balance. Because right now I feel so off balance.

[specialmom]

Hi there. I'm so sorry it is a difficult time and miscarriage can be as hard as it gets for some women.  Indeed with the added issue of raging hormones, it is very difficult emotionally.  

I would go full board and treat your depression before considering trying to conceive again.  Perhaps a doctor to discuss some medication that might help as well as some talk therapy with either the psychiatrist or psychologist would be really helpful to work through issues of hurt from past people in your life (including parents, siblings, ex boyfriends, etc.).  

I also am concerned about the current man in your life.  I think it is a red flag that his reactions are so all over the place through your difficult times and he has been less than supportive.  Some men don't 'get it' the way a woman feels after a miscarriage but they can still be supportive.  I'm glad he was better the second time around but then again, here you are writing of feeling sad, alone and bitter with him.  So, maybe give some time to your relationship to really bond and solidify it before going back to trying for a baby.

I know that is often the first inclination after a miscarriage and I can only imagine what that must be like to lose a baby later on in gestation.  But you are young, and you have plenty of time to have a baby.  Get these other things in order first to have the best chance for ALL to have a stable, happy home life.  

Good suggestions above as well regarding ways to work through difficult times.  Exercise is really key I've found.  Volunteering does something for our spirit and soul as well.  Watch your diet.  And if need be, take an antidepressant to help you through this time period.  Life is much more difficult under the cloud of depression.

peace and luck to you

[CRSeaside]

Welcome! I'm glad you posted. One thing that may have impacted you greatly are hormones. An imbalance due to your pregnancies can make you feel needy & greedy & just plain lousy.
    When was the last time you had your GYN check up?
   Sometimes a great diet, plenty of vegetables, cutting out sugary drinks & candy & lean protein can help balance hormones.
   Consider adding an exercise routine. Evening walks with your husband.
I understand what you mean by pretending in the business world. I had a Real Estate office for over 25 years. After the first year or so of acting pleasant, I sincerely felt happy for my clients. I was glad to be part of making their dreams come true.
   You are young & have a great future ahead of you. Get to the Dr & get checked out. Let us know.    Pamela