Aa
I'm feeling a tremendous amount of guilt
About my cat dying. It's not just because my cat died. But it's because I realized I didn't spend enough time with her as I should have. And I grew up with this cat. This isn't your ordinary cat, that all she does is eat and sleep and likes to be alone. This cat is people person cat. She doesn't think of herself as a cat, she thinks of herself as a human. And she personally loves me. I had this cat for 19 years. Toward the end of her life, I still pet her and stuff. But when I usually became a private person and I stopped having her in my room. When I grew up, I didn't have a door to my room. When I moved to another home, I still let her in my room and stuff, maybe as not as often. She would paw under the door to get in.
Towards the last couple of years, she didn't try much to get my room that much. I still let her in once in a while if I recall. But she realized probably that I didn't want her in her room all that much. It's like when you grow older you get a bit colder, I guess?
Anyways, last week Wednesday, she cried at my door to get in. I let her in, and I had her on my bed. For only about 2 hours. Then I let her go, out of my room. Thursday came she cried at my door, but I was sleeping, so I wasn't in any mood to let her in. Anyways, Thursday afternoon I saw the her on the couch. Then later on at night, I still saw her at the couch. I noticed she wasn't moving.
And I thought it was because the other cat was groomed and she had a different smell. So I thought she was stressed because of that. Anyways, I went to check on her again, and she was hiding. I knew something maybe wrong and she might be sick, so I took her to her dish bowl to see if she would drink some water. She drank some water. She wouldn't eat any food. I thought the cat maybe stressed. The next day I still saw her hiding. That's when I knew she was sick, my father took her to the vet. And I couldn't go with him for some reason. I wanted to.
Anyways, I guess I didn't want to face reality, that she was probably dead. Yeah, she died. All her internal organs were failing, she was just dying. She weighed 5 pounds. They had to sedate her to end her suffering. She also had a tumor under her belly.
I feel tremendously horrible, that I didn't spend a lot more time with her than I should have, or at least had a time period with her before she died. I would have stayed longer with her on Wednesday (the whole day or as long as she wanted me to). I should have taken her to vet for check up. I mean this cat, she loved me. And cats don't care about possessions, they aren't judgmental like human beings are. They just want the basic essentials out of life, water, food. And your love. But I didn't show her enough of this back. I forget that my cat could die, because I had her so long, I was in denial even though I knew she was sick from time to time. And the thought never occurred to me I should spend more time with her.
She didn't want to be alone, and at the very least I should have spent time with her near the end of her 3 days of living. I don't know why my brain didn't form this thought. I could have had her on my bed. I was worried if I had her on my bed, then she couldn't go out of room to get her dish bowl. Maybe I didn't think she was dying. I don't know.
Not only that, I feel that I should have spent way more time with her in the past 3 years that I did. People keep telling me, she had a good life and she lived long as she did because she was so lucky to have me as a pet owner. But I failed her near the end. This guilt is killing me. I know she was waiting for me in heaven. But I have this tremendous amount of guilt. I can't shake it, and knowing what kind of a person I am. I won't get over this, because I don't want to get over it.
I still didn't ignore my cat, I still pet her, I know she loved me unconditionally. But I just did a horrible job at the end. I don't think I'll ever feel happy again, after her. And I even got a new kitten that almost looks like her. But I feel tremendous amount of guilt sharing with this new kitten that I didn't show near the end of my other cat's life.
I don't know what kind of advice I want, I don't think there is a fix for this my mind. Because I know cats can get depressed also. And I'm thinking I know she that loved me, and my family. But what if she thought that I lost interest in her near the end of her life? All these questions, and negative thoughts keep popping in my head.
Things like also, maybe I should die now, to be with my cat. Questions about death and stuff. I keep telling myself, I wasn't cold to my cat, I spent 2 hours with her on Wednesday when she was crying to come in. I let her in, I let her in. I should have taken her to a vet. A cat doesn't get caught up in obsessions such as playing video games all the time, etc. She wants love. And I know I could have done a better job. And don't say just because she is old, she wants to sleep all the time, so it's okay. The cat personally wanted to be with during the end of her life. And that scares me that I went cold.
Towards the last couple of years, she didn't try much to get my room that much. I still let her in once in a while if I recall. But she realized probably that I didn't want her in her room all that much. It's like when you grow older you get a bit colder, I guess?
Anyways, last week Wednesday, she cried at my door to get in. I let her in, and I had her on my bed. For only about 2 hours. Then I let her go, out of my room. Thursday came she cried at my door, but I was sleeping, so I wasn't in any mood to let her in. Anyways, Thursday afternoon I saw the her on the couch. Then later on at night, I still saw her at the couch. I noticed she wasn't moving.
And I thought it was because the other cat was groomed and she had a different smell. So I thought she was stressed because of that. Anyways, I went to check on her again, and she was hiding. I knew something maybe wrong and she might be sick, so I took her to her dish bowl to see if she would drink some water. She drank some water. She wouldn't eat any food. I thought the cat maybe stressed. The next day I still saw her hiding. That's when I knew she was sick, my father took her to the vet. And I couldn't go with him for some reason. I wanted to.
Anyways, I guess I didn't want to face reality, that she was probably dead. Yeah, she died. All her internal organs were failing, she was just dying. She weighed 5 pounds. They had to sedate her to end her suffering. She also had a tumor under her belly.
I feel tremendously horrible, that I didn't spend a lot more time with her than I should have, or at least had a time period with her before she died. I would have stayed longer with her on Wednesday (the whole day or as long as she wanted me to). I should have taken her to vet for check up. I mean this cat, she loved me. And cats don't care about possessions, they aren't judgmental like human beings are. They just want the basic essentials out of life, water, food. And your love. But I didn't show her enough of this back. I forget that my cat could die, because I had her so long, I was in denial even though I knew she was sick from time to time. And the thought never occurred to me I should spend more time with her.
She didn't want to be alone, and at the very least I should have spent time with her near the end of her 3 days of living. I don't know why my brain didn't form this thought. I could have had her on my bed. I was worried if I had her on my bed, then she couldn't go out of room to get her dish bowl. Maybe I didn't think she was dying. I don't know.
Not only that, I feel that I should have spent way more time with her in the past 3 years that I did. People keep telling me, she had a good life and she lived long as she did because she was so lucky to have me as a pet owner. But I failed her near the end. This guilt is killing me. I know she was waiting for me in heaven. But I have this tremendous amount of guilt. I can't shake it, and knowing what kind of a person I am. I won't get over this, because I don't want to get over it.
I still didn't ignore my cat, I still pet her, I know she loved me unconditionally. But I just did a horrible job at the end. I don't think I'll ever feel happy again, after her. And I even got a new kitten that almost looks like her. But I feel tremendous amount of guilt sharing with this new kitten that I didn't show near the end of my other cat's life.
I don't know what kind of advice I want, I don't think there is a fix for this my mind. Because I know cats can get depressed also. And I'm thinking I know she that loved me, and my family. But what if she thought that I lost interest in her near the end of her life? All these questions, and negative thoughts keep popping in my head.
Things like also, maybe I should die now, to be with my cat. Questions about death and stuff. I keep telling myself, I wasn't cold to my cat, I spent 2 hours with her on Wednesday when she was crying to come in. I let her in, I let her in. I should have taken her to a vet. A cat doesn't get caught up in obsessions such as playing video games all the time, etc. She wants love. And I know I could have done a better job. And don't say just because she is old, she wants to sleep all the time, so it's okay. The cat personally wanted to be with during the end of her life. And that scares me that I went cold.
I feel really still depressed about this. I still think about her suffering. Even before she starting dying. I keep thinking about Wednesday. And how I only spent like an hour or two with her on my bed (I should have been with her a lot longer). I think about her being in the bathroom, near the vent before I went to bed. I petted her there. That whole year, or past 6 months. I keep picturing her howling. And just dying and suffering. I should have spent more time with her the past 6 months. I knew she was old, why didn't I ever think, oh I should love her more. Do more than just petting. I could have kept her in my room more.
I want God, so badly to bring me to heaven, so I can pet and hold her. I know God's taking care of her. Or I want to dream about her, or something God could help me fix this problem of my deep guilt. If I wasn't such a private person. Man, I wanted the thought or someone tell me that I should make sure to give my cat extra attention, she doesn't have much longer to live.
I just want to see her for 5 hours and visit her alive, so I can get rid of this guilt. See her happiness as she sees me, and recognizes me.
You know how they ask you the question do you ever have any regrets in life. Well, this is a huge one? Granted, I still loved my cat, and she loved me. It's just as I gave her attention or when I was petting her. I never thought that my brain didn't produce, hey, she doesn't have much longer to live, love her a little more. Bring her in your room a little more to spend some time.
I really want God to help me with this one. Give me some sort of sign or something.
Why should cats suffer? Why should cats die? I know humans do too, but animals it's are hard too. Saddest thing I ever seen. Because I don't think she knows why she is suffering. Seeing her die, makes me never want to be happy again. I just want my cat to see her happy. And I want to give her attention. I know God understands how much I love her. And I didn't show it 100% all the time. But most of my life, I did. God knows I could have done better, the cat accepted the fact that I was a private person. And she waited to get attention anytime I could. But I don't think she understands I could have done better. It's hard , it hasn't been that long, but I don't have too much memory of being with her in the past year that much. That's what is disturbing. But I remember being around her, and I still do remember petting her. But was it more than 30 mins a day. It didn't seem like it. I did feed her everyday human food when she came up for it.
I want God, so badly to bring me to heaven, so I can pet and hold her. I know God's taking care of her. Or I want to dream about her, or something God could help me fix this problem of my deep guilt. If I wasn't such a private person. Man, I wanted the thought or someone tell me that I should make sure to give my cat extra attention, she doesn't have much longer to live.
I just want to see her for 5 hours and visit her alive, so I can get rid of this guilt. See her happiness as she sees me, and recognizes me.
You know how they ask you the question do you ever have any regrets in life. Well, this is a huge one? Granted, I still loved my cat, and she loved me. It's just as I gave her attention or when I was petting her. I never thought that my brain didn't produce, hey, she doesn't have much longer to live, love her a little more. Bring her in your room a little more to spend some time.
I really want God to help me with this one. Give me some sort of sign or something.
Why should cats suffer? Why should cats die? I know humans do too, but animals it's are hard too. Saddest thing I ever seen. Because I don't think she knows why she is suffering. Seeing her die, makes me never want to be happy again. I just want my cat to see her happy. And I want to give her attention. I know God understands how much I love her. And I didn't show it 100% all the time. But most of my life, I did. God knows I could have done better, the cat accepted the fact that I was a private person. And she waited to get attention anytime I could. But I don't think she understands I could have done better. It's hard , it hasn't been that long, but I don't have too much memory of being with her in the past year that much. That's what is disturbing. But I remember being around her, and I still do remember petting her. But was it more than 30 mins a day. It didn't seem like it. I did feed her everyday human food when she came up for it.
So sorry about the death of your cat. I can relate becoz we had to put our cat to sleep since he just wasn't eating & it was a lung tumor problem. Many cats that sense they are dying will actually withdraw from us....I did not understand till my daughter looked it up onthe internet. So I hear how you felt bad that you were not there 100% . I will confess that as a busy working mom I did not get to enjoy my cat as much as i could have. I am taking it as a lesson in life...I know we took good care of our pet and he was truly loved. But if we get another pet, I can only try to make amends by "taking time to smell the roses"! Please be kind to yourself and none of us is perfect. But we all are given another chance to improve. No good from beating yourself up. All the best to you..
I'm still sort of having a war in my head over it. Thinking about it a lot and spacing out.
I agree with that, and that's what I'm trying so hard to encourage you not to do. We obviously disagree on some of your concerns here, which is fine. I just hate to see someone torturing themselves so much, as I honestly don't think it's warranted.
We can ALWAYS do better, when it comes to our loved ones, our pets, anyone in our lives...and losing someone/something close to us is a good way for us to learn maybe how we could improve ourselves some. That's a GOOD thing. Learning lessons are good.
While I'm doing all the "what iffing" that's normal in these situations, I don't feel a ton of regret or guilt...not to the level you describe, because I'm not overanalyzing to the point you are. That's the difference.
Peanut was an indoor/outdoor cat. Spent about 50/50 time inside and out. He LOVED life...he hunted, proudly brought his "catches" to the patio for praise, and yet he also loved to curl up on his favorite chair in our sunroom. He was a friendly, playful cat and I was probably his favorite. He liked to be petted, but also at times kept his distance. I gave him attention, but not constantly. When my husband and I realized something might not have been right, he had already vanished, so I couldn't intervene. Otherwise, I would have more closely watched him, taken him to the vet, whatever it took, but it just wasn't meant to be. Whatever happened, it was his time, and he went off to die alone. That was HIS choice. I spent three straight days calling for him, looking for him, checking the patio and the porch every 15 minutes. If he had WANTED help, he knew where to go. Historically, when cats are near the end, they choose to hide, for whatever reason. Sure, I wish he was here, so I could love him and pet him and kiss him one more time...but I can't change what happened. I don't for a moment think he ever felt neglected or turned away. Even on the days I maybe couldn't be bothered as much, he got plenty of love and attention from the whole family at other times. He was 9 by the way. Outdoor cats don't live as long apparently. My Peanut was absolutely special, in his own way...he loved the interaction with us, but also loved his freedom to roam. He would slink through the fields for hours. He would lie in the sun...lol. He was a sweetie.
I just honestly feel that your thoughts are obsessive, and that worries me. I also worry that you may project the feelings of loss of your other cat onto this new one, overanalyzing everything that goes on, when you're petting him, wondering if you're doing enough, etc. Loving a pet shouldn't require so much thought...you easily know what you're doing. You didn't do a thing wrong with your other cat. Hopefully some day you'll see that.
I'm sad and I miss my Peanut, but I also have started finding acceptance that what happened happened, and I DID do everything I could at that point to try to find him...but when I did, it was too late. It was his time, and he went out on his own terms, and I'm perfectly okay with that. We gave him a nice burial tonight, and will start working on our collage after our vacation.
We plan to get another cat over the summer, but we're not in a hurry. I personally don't think a new pet should be obtained quickly after one dies. I think (especially for kids' sakes) for it to be clear that one isn't a replacement for the other...kids may get that message if there's not a lot of time in between. Plus, we'd like some time to grieve over Peanut...give him the honor of some time to reflect on what he meant to us, then we'll get a new kitty, which will be so exciting. I plan on getting a cat that the kids pick out...they've already started naming colors and breeds...none which are like Peanut. They know we cannot replace him with another cat and I think their thinking is to get a VERY different cat...so he/she can be something totally new and different. Certainly for us, there will never be another Peanut.
Take care of yourself...
I agree with that, and that's what I'm trying so hard to encourage you not to do. We obviously disagree on some of your concerns here, which is fine. I just hate to see someone torturing themselves so much, as I honestly don't think it's warranted.
We can ALWAYS do better, when it comes to our loved ones, our pets, anyone in our lives...and losing someone/something close to us is a good way for us to learn maybe how we could improve ourselves some. That's a GOOD thing. Learning lessons are good.
While I'm doing all the "what iffing" that's normal in these situations, I don't feel a ton of regret or guilt...not to the level you describe, because I'm not overanalyzing to the point you are. That's the difference.
Peanut was an indoor/outdoor cat. Spent about 50/50 time inside and out. He LOVED life...he hunted, proudly brought his "catches" to the patio for praise, and yet he also loved to curl up on his favorite chair in our sunroom. He was a friendly, playful cat and I was probably his favorite. He liked to be petted, but also at times kept his distance. I gave him attention, but not constantly. When my husband and I realized something might not have been right, he had already vanished, so I couldn't intervene. Otherwise, I would have more closely watched him, taken him to the vet, whatever it took, but it just wasn't meant to be. Whatever happened, it was his time, and he went off to die alone. That was HIS choice. I spent three straight days calling for him, looking for him, checking the patio and the porch every 15 minutes. If he had WANTED help, he knew where to go. Historically, when cats are near the end, they choose to hide, for whatever reason. Sure, I wish he was here, so I could love him and pet him and kiss him one more time...but I can't change what happened. I don't for a moment think he ever felt neglected or turned away. Even on the days I maybe couldn't be bothered as much, he got plenty of love and attention from the whole family at other times. He was 9 by the way. Outdoor cats don't live as long apparently. My Peanut was absolutely special, in his own way...he loved the interaction with us, but also loved his freedom to roam. He would slink through the fields for hours. He would lie in the sun...lol. He was a sweetie.
I just honestly feel that your thoughts are obsessive, and that worries me. I also worry that you may project the feelings of loss of your other cat onto this new one, overanalyzing everything that goes on, when you're petting him, wondering if you're doing enough, etc. Loving a pet shouldn't require so much thought...you easily know what you're doing. You didn't do a thing wrong with your other cat. Hopefully some day you'll see that.
I'm sad and I miss my Peanut, but I also have started finding acceptance that what happened happened, and I DID do everything I could at that point to try to find him...but when I did, it was too late. It was his time, and he went out on his own terms, and I'm perfectly okay with that. We gave him a nice burial tonight, and will start working on our collage after our vacation.
We plan to get another cat over the summer, but we're not in a hurry. I personally don't think a new pet should be obtained quickly after one dies. I think (especially for kids' sakes) for it to be clear that one isn't a replacement for the other...kids may get that message if there's not a lot of time in between. Plus, we'd like some time to grieve over Peanut...give him the honor of some time to reflect on what he meant to us, then we'll get a new kitty, which will be so exciting. I plan on getting a cat that the kids pick out...they've already started naming colors and breeds...none which are like Peanut. They know we cannot replace him with another cat and I think their thinking is to get a VERY different cat...so he/she can be something totally new and different. Certainly for us, there will never be another Peanut.
Take care of yourself...
Hi, how old was peanut when he died? Because I think indoor + outdoor cats don't live as long.
And ironically, if you read all my posts. And you had a cat. Why didn't you think and learn from what I did, and give her some extra attention, per each day? Or maybe the timing of when you read my posts was too late?
Because what I'm thinking if someone told me don't forget to give your cat some extra attention or I read about the same story about their cat. I would have remembered, and gave my cat some extra attention. Trust me, I would feel even more worse if I didn't give her the attention she needed before the day she started dying. I'm glad I let her in my room and spent 2 hours with her. I agree, that there are way too many moments in my past that I had with my cat, giving her lots of attention growing up with her. And living in the same house. And just being around, that way over my guilt.
It's not a what if for me (because of course she is going to die, can't stop that, but maybe prolong it and at least know). It's more like a huge regret, not giving my cat more attention before she dies, or last 3 months or year perhaps. As I could have. I always did give her human food, when she came up to me. Thinking she is old, let her live a little. But I forget the petting and letting her into my room a little more. My life wasn't busy, at the moment, either. I'm glad I did spend time with her in my room the day before she started dying. And if I had to do it all over again. I would spend every moment I could with her. Plus, I would record it.
I don't think I will let the guilt go. It's what makes me human. I will probably just hold onto the guilt, and use it as a life experience. My next cat I have(recently got) (She will never be the same cat, but her personality is very similar and she looks similar to my other cat). I agree, that there are way too many moments in my past that I had with my cat, growing up with her. And living in the same house. And just being around, that way over my guilt. I do have a video of me petting my cat. I wish I would have made more. But I'm glad I have one, and I'm glad I have pictures. I'm trying to do the same thing as you, planning on printing out photos and having some sort of album. And writing what she meant to me, and what I meant to her. I'm also glad, even though I didn't give her much as attention as I did in previous years, I didn't ignore her if she came up to me.
It's sad to say as humans sometimes it takes death to realize how much you forget that we loved our cats. Sorry about Peanut, I saw a picture of her. I don't know what type of a cat she was. Maybe she was more independent because you let her outdoors. Did she like being held? Would she eat out of your hand? Did you grow up with this cat? Did she personally like you? Did she come up to you on your own for attention? My cat was indoor only and she was always around us. She thought of herself as one of us. That's what makes a cat special. Maybe your cat did also.
I know what you mean by human nature, it's in our blood to be selfish. And it's inevitable we will just sin from time to time. So I'm trying to have a level of control against that. It's a thing I do feel guilty about, and I can't drop that. I'm still sort of having a war in my head over it. Thinking about it a lot and spacing out.
And ironically, if you read all my posts. And you had a cat. Why didn't you think and learn from what I did, and give her some extra attention, per each day? Or maybe the timing of when you read my posts was too late?
Because what I'm thinking if someone told me don't forget to give your cat some extra attention or I read about the same story about their cat. I would have remembered, and gave my cat some extra attention. Trust me, I would feel even more worse if I didn't give her the attention she needed before the day she started dying. I'm glad I let her in my room and spent 2 hours with her. I agree, that there are way too many moments in my past that I had with my cat, giving her lots of attention growing up with her. And living in the same house. And just being around, that way over my guilt.
It's not a what if for me (because of course she is going to die, can't stop that, but maybe prolong it and at least know). It's more like a huge regret, not giving my cat more attention before she dies, or last 3 months or year perhaps. As I could have. I always did give her human food, when she came up to me. Thinking she is old, let her live a little. But I forget the petting and letting her into my room a little more. My life wasn't busy, at the moment, either. I'm glad I did spend time with her in my room the day before she started dying. And if I had to do it all over again. I would spend every moment I could with her. Plus, I would record it.
I don't think I will let the guilt go. It's what makes me human. I will probably just hold onto the guilt, and use it as a life experience. My next cat I have(recently got) (She will never be the same cat, but her personality is very similar and she looks similar to my other cat). I agree, that there are way too many moments in my past that I had with my cat, growing up with her. And living in the same house. And just being around, that way over my guilt. I do have a video of me petting my cat. I wish I would have made more. But I'm glad I have one, and I'm glad I have pictures. I'm trying to do the same thing as you, planning on printing out photos and having some sort of album. And writing what she meant to me, and what I meant to her. I'm also glad, even though I didn't give her much as attention as I did in previous years, I didn't ignore her if she came up to me.
It's sad to say as humans sometimes it takes death to realize how much you forget that we loved our cats. Sorry about Peanut, I saw a picture of her. I don't know what type of a cat she was. Maybe she was more independent because you let her outdoors. Did she like being held? Would she eat out of your hand? Did you grow up with this cat? Did she personally like you? Did she come up to you on your own for attention? My cat was indoor only and she was always around us. She thought of herself as one of us. That's what makes a cat special. Maybe your cat did also.
I know what you mean by human nature, it's in our blood to be selfish. And it's inevitable we will just sin from time to time. So I'm trying to have a level of control against that. It's a thing I do feel guilty about, and I can't drop that. I'm still sort of having a war in my head over it. Thinking about it a lot and spacing out.
Hey, I just wanted to share something with you, as I thought about you right away yesterday.
We had an indoor/outdoor cat named Peanut. He always came in at night and always came in for feeding time. Sunday into Monday, he disappeared. We had been looking everywhere for him. My husband mentioned to me over the weekend that he hadn't been eating as much as usual, and I kind of shrugged it off, as he was a big hunter, so he didn't always eat every day. I DID think when he told me that that I noticed he was doing some things a little out of the ordinary for him, like hanging out on the front porch versus the back patio. By the time I thought hard about it, he was nowhere around, and while outdoor cats certainly have a habit of going on adventures, Peanut didn't really do that anymore, he stayed closer to home. I just had a feeling in my gut that something wasn't right.
We found him deceased yesterday under the front porch. He looked like he was just sleeping. Now I'm plagued with all of the "what if" questions. "What if I had watched him more closely?" "What if I could have gotten him to the vet?"...and then of course, I remembered all of the times I shooed him away when he was being a pain, when I wasn't in the mood, wishing I could have those moments back to show him to love and affection he was looking for.
So, sweetie, I get it. It's kind of ironic that this happened to me, right after I had been conversing with you about your situation. I want you to understand that I too have a lot of regrets, and all of those same feelings, BUT even in my grief and sadness I know a few things.....
That ONE, I cannot change that he's gone. TWO, while I may not have been the most perfect cat Mom, I know that most of the time, I gave him everything he needed and then some. I know he was happy and lived a full life. I don't feel at all that he would have been upset with me in those moments when I couldn't be bothered to give him a little pet...because there were plenty of other moments when I did. Plus, like cats typically do, he sought attention mostly on HIS terms. If HE wasn't in the mood and I sought him out for some QT, he would take off. So, in reverse, *I* certainly don't have any negative feelings toward him for that..it just is what it is.
I just want you to know that I'm faced with the exact same emotions now. I too am feeling sad because my cat is gone, and of COURSE, as a human, I have regrets. We wouldn't be good people if we didn't constantly evaluate and reevaluate situations to see how we could have done better.
But you better believe that even when we didn't always do right by our cats, they knew they were loved, and they knew we kept them safe, and fed. I'm going to try to replace my "what if" thoughts with happier thoughts. Were going to make a photo collage of Peanut to hang up, and I've changed my pc wallpaper to a picture of him. Please know that I understand how you feel....just don't continue to torture yourself about all of the details okay? You need to get out of your head on this a little bit.
Thinking of you....and I'm so in your shoes right now, which stinks, but one of the first things I thought of last night was that I wanted to share this with you. I think it's important for you to realize that what you're feeling is normal, and that it's normal to have regrets. That doesn't mean in ANY way that you didn't do right by your cat. You have to stop thinking that way sweetie.
You HAVE to let the guilt go. If you were a mean person, and abused her, or didn't feed her, and she starved to death, oh boy...you would have a reason to feel guilty. But because you may have fallen short in your eyes with affection and time...that's not a reason to feel guilty. We ALL get stuck in life and daily routines and we DONT normally think that our pets could die. We do absolutely take for granted when they're here, but we do that with people too. That IS human nature. None of that makes you a bad person and I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about. I'm living it too and understand the feelings of regret, but I also can understand that it's a normal emotion and doesn't mean I didn't do wrong by my dear cat.
We had an indoor/outdoor cat named Peanut. He always came in at night and always came in for feeding time. Sunday into Monday, he disappeared. We had been looking everywhere for him. My husband mentioned to me over the weekend that he hadn't been eating as much as usual, and I kind of shrugged it off, as he was a big hunter, so he didn't always eat every day. I DID think when he told me that that I noticed he was doing some things a little out of the ordinary for him, like hanging out on the front porch versus the back patio. By the time I thought hard about it, he was nowhere around, and while outdoor cats certainly have a habit of going on adventures, Peanut didn't really do that anymore, he stayed closer to home. I just had a feeling in my gut that something wasn't right.
We found him deceased yesterday under the front porch. He looked like he was just sleeping. Now I'm plagued with all of the "what if" questions. "What if I had watched him more closely?" "What if I could have gotten him to the vet?"...and then of course, I remembered all of the times I shooed him away when he was being a pain, when I wasn't in the mood, wishing I could have those moments back to show him to love and affection he was looking for.
So, sweetie, I get it. It's kind of ironic that this happened to me, right after I had been conversing with you about your situation. I want you to understand that I too have a lot of regrets, and all of those same feelings, BUT even in my grief and sadness I know a few things.....
That ONE, I cannot change that he's gone. TWO, while I may not have been the most perfect cat Mom, I know that most of the time, I gave him everything he needed and then some. I know he was happy and lived a full life. I don't feel at all that he would have been upset with me in those moments when I couldn't be bothered to give him a little pet...because there were plenty of other moments when I did. Plus, like cats typically do, he sought attention mostly on HIS terms. If HE wasn't in the mood and I sought him out for some QT, he would take off. So, in reverse, *I* certainly don't have any negative feelings toward him for that..it just is what it is.
I just want you to know that I'm faced with the exact same emotions now. I too am feeling sad because my cat is gone, and of COURSE, as a human, I have regrets. We wouldn't be good people if we didn't constantly evaluate and reevaluate situations to see how we could have done better.
But you better believe that even when we didn't always do right by our cats, they knew they were loved, and they knew we kept them safe, and fed. I'm going to try to replace my "what if" thoughts with happier thoughts. Were going to make a photo collage of Peanut to hang up, and I've changed my pc wallpaper to a picture of him. Please know that I understand how you feel....just don't continue to torture yourself about all of the details okay? You need to get out of your head on this a little bit.
Thinking of you....and I'm so in your shoes right now, which stinks, but one of the first things I thought of last night was that I wanted to share this with you. I think it's important for you to realize that what you're feeling is normal, and that it's normal to have regrets. That doesn't mean in ANY way that you didn't do right by your cat. You have to stop thinking that way sweetie.
You HAVE to let the guilt go. If you were a mean person, and abused her, or didn't feed her, and she starved to death, oh boy...you would have a reason to feel guilty. But because you may have fallen short in your eyes with affection and time...that's not a reason to feel guilty. We ALL get stuck in life and daily routines and we DONT normally think that our pets could die. We do absolutely take for granted when they're here, but we do that with people too. That IS human nature. None of that makes you a bad person and I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about. I'm living it too and understand the feelings of regret, but I also can understand that it's a normal emotion and doesn't mean I didn't do wrong by my dear cat.
Correct some grammar mistakes:
What I did do was let my cat in my room, 2 weeks ago on Wednesday. For 2 hours.
When I was a kid, I didn't have my own room, I shared a room. So I spent a lot a time with my cat and loved her. What I'm saying about cat puke is, yeah you don't really want to clean it up. But you got to do it. Now to make sure I never thought that statement at all, I never even said I would be glad that my cat would be gone because of her puke. That is a dumb statement I said. I'll admit. I was just worried, what if I had. That is not true at all.
What I did do was let my cat in my room, 2 weeks ago on Wednesday. For 2 hours.
When I was a kid, I didn't have my own room, I shared a room. So I spent a lot a time with my cat and loved her. What I'm saying about cat puke is, yeah you don't really want to clean it up. But you got to do it. Now to make sure I never thought that statement at all, I never even said I would be glad that my cat would be gone because of her puke. That is a dumb statement I said. I'll admit. I was just worried, what if I had. That is not true at all.
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