Will I be hospitalized?

[TwistedMethod]

I've thought this out, a lot. I am 15, currently seeing a therapist and taking medication for depression and anxiety.
I've imagined my death do many times recently. How I would do it, where. I've actually sat up with a handful of pills in my hand imagining my whole death through OD. I've looped things around my neck and pulled, not to entirely choke but just to strain. I've cut before, sometimes I still do now.
Good God, I've smiled while imagining my death.
Will I be sent to a hospital? Or will it just be a warning to my mom and me being sent home with a warning?

[littlebit667]

your friend is probably not sure what to say.  Sometimes they fear they will say the wrong thing.  It is a lot to hear and some are just afraid to help...when they are not trained to help.  Definitely tell your doctor, let them talk to your parents.  If it comes from a professional they have to get you help.  I hope you can hang on until then.  You may not realize it now, but we are all worth staying alive and living the life we were given.  It may not be perfect, but it is the only one we have.  I was suicidal from 12-40.  I discovered it was hormones and learned how to deal with it.  Once I hit menopause it got less and less.  I am so glad I did not carry out the act.  Life is worth it, you just can't see it yet.  

[TwistedMethod]

I can't tell my dad because I hate him. No, he didn't not let me see my friends or go to a concert, but mentally scarred me. I haven't told my mom because I'm scared of her reaction.. I would have told my therapist by now, but we couldn't make it to my last scheduled meeting so that fell through.. I'm just waiting for the next appointment now..

I've told one of my most trusted friends that I self harm, but so far they haven't brought it up with me. Do they not care enough or did I do something bad in telling? It makes me confused, like I should have kept it to myself.

[nursegirl6572]

Unfortunately, no one can say either way.  Typically, the criteria to hospitalize involves the presence a suidical intent.  Suicidal ideation is when a person is only thinking about it, but doesn't actually have a plan.  Intent would be a plan, in other words, thinking of a WAY to do it, and the surrounding details.  In your case, you are showing intent.  

It would not necessarily be a done deal, but it is definitely a possibility that inpatient admission would be discussed.  There are two kinds of psychiatric hospitalizations.  The first one, called a "302" is an involuntary admission, or against the will of the patient.  That happens when there is clear evidence that a person is a direct threat to the safety of themselves or others.  A 302 is only good for 72 hours and then a hearing is held to determine whether or not the 302 needs to be extended.  Typically, most 302's are converted to the second type of admission at some point.....

The second type is a "201", that would be a voluntary admission, where the patient would agree to the admission.  The patient is not held there against their will.

You have to look at it from the viewpoint that you need help, and regardless of the outcome (possible admission), it is all for YOUR best interest!  You need to get help.  Have you discussed any of this with your parents?  Another trusted adult?  You're at an age where everything in life seems so hard....things will get better, but you need to seek help to get to a better place in your mind, hon.

Please let us know how you're doing...and if at ANY time you feel that you are in danger of hurting yourself, call for help immediately....it isn't worth it.  There IS help out there!