I have spells where I can't leave the house. I was out earlier today and the thought of going anywhere right now brings me to tears. Days that are the worst, I build up to with anxiety, delusional thoughts, insomnia and extreme fits of crying. As in I cannot stop, these usually last for 30 minutes at a time and are followed by my happy selftrying to emerge... and back to my room in tears I go. Anything, nothing can set it off or make it stop. If I have valium available I can take one and it seems to allow me to "reset" and go out, go to work, etc. I have never been treated for any of these symptoms and am 40 years old. All of my life I have struggled with weird episodes and have always chalked them up to some stressor I had in my life at the time,have focussed my strength and energy and just went on... But now, lol other than being broke. I mean our house is paid for, utilities are on and nobody is going hungry... So what I mean, for me, right now life is good. I hate the idea of being on prescription medication, but fear I may have to in order to have any sort of normal life. I have never held a job over 5 years, but have mostly always worked. A year or two in one case, usually six months or less though. I am not lazy and work hard, I just can't always go to work. Advice? Anyone else feel similar? Know what this is? I am starting to feel desperate, I feel life is just passing me by. Thanks to anyone who is able to share with me.