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Intermittent Emotional Numbness
I've had this feeling happen in almost every relationship I've had since I was 16. I'm 23 now. About once every few months, I get into a mood of emotional disconnect, and it upsets me.
Currently, I have been with my boyfriend for about four months, and have noticed this emotional disconnect happen a few times since. During, I'm not willing to open up about my feelings, I don't feel close to him, I can't accept his love and I don't want to even see him. If he looks at me kindly it makes my stomach sick and if he does something sweet for me it makes me feel guilty that I'm using him. This only worries me because it has resulted in my feeling emotionally disconnected more and more often the longer I am with someone, and has ended up in termination. I know I care about him, the feeling just goes away for a few days. I don't want this to ruin my relationship I have with him, because he is very important to me. I experience these feelings with friends, but it doesn't bother me as much because the emotional attachment isn't as intimate.
I know that my issue with intimacy may stem from my relationship with my mother, who was emotionally and physically abusive for the 17 years that I lived with her. I now live in another state and while the emotional abuse continues, the physical abuse has stopped. I just want to make some steps forward to solving this problem. I don't know if I'm depressed (occasionally?), bipolar (I think my mother expressed symptoms of bipolar disorder but refuses to be diagnosed) or have PTSD. I have taken a few steps to determine my mental health but I mostly don't know where to start. I've tried counselors, but it's become emotionally exhausted to explain my position to a counselor I don't connect with well. I have also searched for local support groups. The one I found is for mental illness, so I'm not sure if I fit.
Does anyone have any advice? Have you felt this emotional numbness before and how did you address the issue and solve it? I'm getting a little overwhelmed here because I do not want this relationship to end like the others have.
Currently, I have been with my boyfriend for about four months, and have noticed this emotional disconnect happen a few times since. During, I'm not willing to open up about my feelings, I don't feel close to him, I can't accept his love and I don't want to even see him. If he looks at me kindly it makes my stomach sick and if he does something sweet for me it makes me feel guilty that I'm using him. This only worries me because it has resulted in my feeling emotionally disconnected more and more often the longer I am with someone, and has ended up in termination. I know I care about him, the feeling just goes away for a few days. I don't want this to ruin my relationship I have with him, because he is very important to me. I experience these feelings with friends, but it doesn't bother me as much because the emotional attachment isn't as intimate.
I know that my issue with intimacy may stem from my relationship with my mother, who was emotionally and physically abusive for the 17 years that I lived with her. I now live in another state and while the emotional abuse continues, the physical abuse has stopped. I just want to make some steps forward to solving this problem. I don't know if I'm depressed (occasionally?), bipolar (I think my mother expressed symptoms of bipolar disorder but refuses to be diagnosed) or have PTSD. I have taken a few steps to determine my mental health but I mostly don't know where to start. I've tried counselors, but it's become emotionally exhausted to explain my position to a counselor I don't connect with well. I have also searched for local support groups. The one I found is for mental illness, so I'm not sure if I fit.
Does anyone have any advice? Have you felt this emotional numbness before and how did you address the issue and solve it? I'm getting a little overwhelmed here because I do not want this relationship to end like the others have.
Best Answer
No problem! I hope they help. It's tough to deal with, but it does get better even if it takes some time.
I sincerely appreciate your advice here. You were so sweet to take time out of your day to help me. I will try your suggestions. Thank you!
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I would also try some journaling when you're in these states. When I've had states of emotional disconnect, journaling helped me figure out what emotions I was trying to protect myself from and accept that, hey, it's ok to feel these emotions as much as it ***** to feel these.
Try to track what happens around the times you become emotionally disconnected. Fights, life starting to feel boring or overwhelming, sleep pattern is off, you're eating more of ___ than usual, you're not exercising as much, etc., etc. can all be things to look out for as triggers. Were there any consistent behaviors/attributes your mom had when she would start to become particularly abusive? Maybe you're seeing these attributes in others around the times you start to disconnect. If so, communicate this to your boyfriend and important people in your life. Maybe it correlates with your monthly somehow. All those sorts of things are things to look out for to establish patterns known as triggers to watch out for.
Validation is a good thing to start looking for--from yourself, though, not others. Let yourself know it's ok to feel happy/sad/whatever emotion you find you're disconnecting from when you become emotionally disconnected.
Hopefully this is a good starting point for you. But seriously, don't give up on finding a counselor you can connect with. Someone is out there!