Mood swings and the feel of worthlessness..

[Cris102789]

I just want to know about my psych status.  I am always thinking of dying. And sometimes I tend to withdraw myself from people.  I just can't understand myself sometimes.  And most likely I am very much upset of everything.  I don't know what to do, and I always ended up, blaming myself if comething went wrong.  And this things sometimes lead me to thinking of "going to die".  Is this a sort of depression I have, or if it was..  I want to know how severe it is.  Thank you so much.  God bless and Happy New Year.

[Cris102789]

Thanks a lot. I did what you told me. Yesterday, I talked to my mom.  And I told her about it.  And you were right, it was the miscommunication and somewhat misunderstandings that I had with my family that made me feel this way.  After that, I cried a lot.  But still, I need a professional  help for I still have this some sort of emotional instablity in me.  

[mammo]

Failures in life are normal, and you can't allow them to make you doubt your worthiness.  What you can do is learn from them...life is the best teacher.  If dropping out of school has depressed you, then why not go back?  I'm sure this would make your dad very proud.  Losing a parent is very difficult, and you must go through the grieving process to move on.  People around you would be devestated if anything happened to you, they love you, and could not endure losing you.  Suicide may not be the end, but the beginning of something even worse.  So what if people call you a quitter, you must still be trying for them to call you this.  That's all one can do is to keep trying until we do succeed at life.  Maybe professional help didn't work before, but it may have been your doctor, there are good ones and bad ones, give it another try.  Prioritize your life, and do not live your life for others, but for you. You should give professional help another chance, there is a lot they can do to help you so that you don't have to feel this way.  Try talking to your family, they love you and you may find they are feeling the same with the loss of your father.  Always give family a chance before assuming you can't tell them about this, you may be pleasantly surprised.  But do seek professional help as well, you owe this to yourself.

[Cris102789]

Thanks a lot! I really considered professional help before.  But, it doesn't work for me. I'm really suicidal ever since when I was a child.  A quiter they say. Whenever I failed to do something, I ended up having suicidal ideations. However, since my dad passed away, I had a very hard time making things up.  I tend to divert my attention to other things then; until just recently I dropped out from school. I still feel so very depressed and upset about that.  You know the feeling of being so pressured and the it feels like, everything just don't seem so right.  And I always have thoughts that everyone will be happy and would be okay if I will die.  However, I just can't say this to the people around me that I'm too much suffocated; especially to my family. What do you think I should do to end this things up, because I'm too tired of having these stuffs in my head.

[ILADVOCATE]

Obsessing about death, feelings of guilt and have difficulty relating to people are often part of depression or the depressive phase of bipolar. That can be treated. Of course it would also depend if there are other things going on in your life that would make you upset as well. It would be worth speaking to a psychiatrist and a talk therapist as well and they could understand how best to treat it and what is appropriate follow up. You might want to keep a mood tracker here as well and print out the results for your psychiatrist.