Aa
What do I do
I'm a strong military person, currently deployed. My girlfriend has left me, because I continued to talk to an ex gf. She was my entire life and meant everything to me. She's shut me out and no way of contacting her. I love her with everything I am. I've never thought about suicide before, but today I have been seriously considering it. It's so selfish. I plan it completely, I wrote a note for people and when it came to doing it I couldn't do it, deep down I don't want to die, I don't want my gf or family to suffer because of my weakness, but I just want the pain to go away. I want to die. I don't want to wake up another morning into this nightmare. But my family and her don't deserve to have to handle the aftermath. I have. Nobody I can talk to about it that wouldn't make a dent in my career. I just wish I never woke up. If anyone has any advice please help. I know everyone will say always talk to someone, but I have nobody. And I can't with my job. Writing this was hard enough. I can't speak to anyone.
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I've met some pen pals from other countries & it has helped me feel better about myself. One day I can be feeling as low as a snail's belly. Then I get an eml from a friend & I can see myself feeling needed and important in another persons life.
Self worth should in a perfect world, be generated from within. But sometimes attention from others helps trigger the emotion.
I'm sure being in the military you get plenty of exercise. But if you can even increase your workouts. Lift weights. Go on treadmill. Or ideally get a sport. Basketball, tennis. Whatever is available. This will be good to release endorphins. The feel good chemicals.
I'm glad you decided to spare your family & friends the devestating impact of you doing yourself in. You deserve life. Everyday won't be easy. That's for sure. But take pleasure in a sunrise. Beautiful clouds. A good meal.
I'm sure if you made a list there would be many more positives than negatives. Lastly. If you get to feeling so bad, go to the medic. You may be helped temporarily by some kind of medicine or diet change.
You sound smart. You aren't alone. Your heart will heal. Love may be right around the corner. Expect good things to come your way! Pamela