Sadness from Betrayal

[ettebette]

For almost two years, I had an on-line friendship/relationship with a man I met here on MedHelp.  I THOUGHT, really thought that at the least, we were very good friends.  He always told me he was my "forever" friend; that I was his confidante, and that he really appreciated our friendship.  Both of us are married, but have issues with our marriages.  I asked if he would be an instant chat contact with me on Yahoo, as well both have accounts on Yahoo.  I got back a message from Yahoo that he had denied me -- without any explanation.  I noticed he removed his icon from Windows Messenger which we used on rare occasion for chatting.  He was never willing to talk on the phone.  I have written to him to try to find out what could have occured to have caused this seeming betrayal of our friendship.  I don't even know if the e-mail address I had been writing to for the past two years is still in use.  Anyone reading my e-mails could see I was in pain, but I have not received any response from him.  I am so hurt, befuddled, puzzled, and this has affected my depression greatly.  He has suffered with depression his whole life, he said.  This man ran hot and cold.  One minute, he was kind, loving, romantic, using words of compassion, care, support, etc.  We had so much in common.  He told me I was his confidante.  I always believe the best in people, but this situation has really thrown me for a loop.  I always thought that he was my friend; a friend I could count on.  My heart and soul hurt and ache.  I have a therapist that I talked to about this, yet I'm still finding it difficult to NOT feel depressed.  I have been very weepy.  
I'm sorry for such a long message.  If anyone can offer advice on this, I would appreciate it.  I'm 56 years old, and do not have my head in the clouds or am looking at life through rose-colored glasses.  I'm just very, very sad to have seemingly lost a friend, and I don't know why.  People have said he's a player, and just used me, and maybe I've been replaced by another on-line woman.  It's hard to know what to think.  I just miss my friend.  
Thank you, all, for your support.

[ettebette]

Hi.  Thank you for taking the time to respond.  I really appreciate it.  It's funny -- your advice is the advice I give to friends and others who find themselves lonely, depressed, and disillusioned.  Time to take our own medicine, right?  I have started to get involved in yoga, and other things to help build my self-esteem and self-worth, which is at the cornerstone of it all.  Bringing some joy into one's life is excellent, therapeutically.  I AM working on my own marriage; always have.  If I had not been so lonely and starved for romance and passion in my life, I doubt that things would have gotten as far as they did.

Thanks, again, for your support.

[loz23]

Hi there,

I'm sorry to read you are upset. Maybe he has decided that the best thing for himself and his marriage was to distance himself? Maybe his wife found messages and emails and asked him to stop, and so he realised and removed himself from the situation for the sake of their relationship...

As much as it hurts, I think you need to find something else that makes you happy. Not another man - but maybe a support group, friends, hobby... do something that makes you happy -without relying on someone else to provide that for you.

Maybe you also need to look at your own marriage and work on that? Communicate with your partner and find out if you are happy...

I hope you work it out.