DAZED AND CONFUSED !

[shamoussculley707]

extremely confused about diagnosis ! in short, I've been clean & sober for just under 5 yrs, basically since the year I committed suiside only to have been brought back to life. I was left homeless and hopeless. I am 50 yrs. old now & after self medicating for 35 yrs. & I am tagged with depression. I have been going to therapy for over 5 yrs. and seeing my Phcy. doc once a month for the same period of time. They work together. Sure I am depressed but have had hallucinations both auditory & visual, with a severe case of suicide ideation. I do have a plan in the future. Having said that, I've recently have extreme highs & lows yet the voices are real & I still want the punishment of death for all the emotional and costly damage I've done. I'M Catholic &believe this must be ! I'm so lost & confused about this. I have tiny tiny tiny ray of hope that with all the programs & structure Im about to embark on might give me some assemblance of life. what do you think?

[Nighthawk61]

Welcome to Medhelp and Congratulations on your 5th year Clean and Sober. This is no small feat. I know because i had to do the same, i've got 13 years now under my belt, it sure feels good. I'm sorry that you were left homeless and hopeless, my addictions brought me down that road as well, however, today I have found my way into a home where I keep my menagerie of furry things. We are the same age and used for approximately the same amount of time. You've been going to therapy for five years. How often do you go , is it weekly? Do you like your therapist and are you working through your problems? Have you discussed the fact that you might be schizophrenic with your therapist, and if not, why? You would be put on medication that would stop the voices and visualizations. Isn't that what you want? You sound like you are excited to be part of the Program & Structure that you are embarking upon. Can you tell me a little bit about that? Someday that little tiny ray of hope will turn into a full blown life that you can be proud of. If it can happen for me, it can happen for you. I'm sure of it. Talk to the doctors asap about the schizophrenia, it's no big deal, my husband has schizophrenia and I just love him to bits, everyday. Let's work on you getting happy. That's what these forums are about. Friends holding out there hands to each other for support and encouragement. Are you with me? Hugs. Liz

[witheredrose]

Hi there!

Have you told your doctor about your auditory and visual hallucinations? If not, you need to. Your doctor needs to know about everythimg in order to help the best. You want death as a punishment for all the damage you have caused? If anything causes emotional damage, it willl be your death because i guarentee people would hurt worse than any kind of hurt youve ever caused them before! You need to discuss the hallucinations and constant suicide ideations with your doctor, if you havent already. To get the best out of your treatment, its important to tell your doctor everything! I believe, that you can get to a better place in your life, you have lost a lot of hope i can tell.  you may have lost the battle but you havent lost the war! Your stronger than you know, you have gotten this far in life despite what you have gone through, and i believe you can get yourself the rest of the way, just give everything a chance! I wish the best for you, your in my prayers!