extended family causing trouble

[Nat_16]

Hi, so, im 19 (20 in december), im going into my 2nd year at uni with no job and living at home.  My grandparents on my mums side have been giving me grief and nit picking and putting me down about everything I do.  Nothing is ever good enough.  It has been continuously getting worse and more often over the past 3 years.  About 18 months ago it got worse after I lost my best friend and they kept telling me he was no good and I was better off without him just because they didnt agree with his sexuality.  

So, it led to me being diagnosed with depression and recently they have been bringing me down yet again.  

I have had 2 surgeries since mid december and thus have to take it easy and not do too much.  They have yet again began calling me weak and saying how much of a disappointment I am.  I have currently a distinction average at uni and even this isnt good enough - nothing is ever good enough.

They have made me feel so worthless, so much of an embarrassment, weak and stupid.  it feels like it is never ending.  They always have something they can bring me down about.  I want to get past this and I dont want them to continue to bring me down like this but I dont know how.  

Any advice or support is appreciated...Natalie

[Nat_16]

Hi mammo...thanks for your advice, I guess I should talk to mum again about how they are acting towards me, but I guess its so hard because I have grown up with it for so long.  They first started when I had just turned 15 I was young and have grown up with it since then.   Mum has talked to them a few times but they seem to calm down and stop for a week or 2 and they just start up again not soon after.  They just seem to rub off my mums words as if what mum is saying is unimportant and they ignore it.

I know I shouldnt seek their approval and I try not to, I guess I just have to accept that they will never support me, I will never have the support from Grandparents in anything I do.  But I guess, if they dont think it important to give me support - their support is unimportant for me, I can get support from other people - like my parents.  

Hopefully it wont be too long before I get money, I graduate from uni in december so then get a full time job soon after (if not before) and start earning money and start my life.

Thanks again Mammo...
Natalie :)

[mammo]

Have you tried speaking to your mom about your grandparents negativity and how it's affecting you?  Maybe she can talk to them and explain that they are hurting you in many ways.  But keep in mind that they are from a different time and are not so accepting of new things like your best friend and his sexuality.  This is their problem, and you have to consider the source and let it go. You are old enought to politely tell them that if they can't say positive things that may encourage you, to please not say anything at all.  With some people nothing is ever good enough, so YOU have to define what is good enough for you.  You are now an adult and have to not allow others to make you doubt yourself, your worth or abilities.  Don't seek out their approval, because it will never happen with people like this.  They are very negative and you will never change this, but don't trust in their words...ever!    Look at the great student you are, this proves them wrong, dwell on this, not their words.  Talk to a professional about this to learn how to cope until you can move out.  But please do not allow them to bring you down, you know you're not what they say.  Continue to persevere, and get on with your life.  The day is coming when you won't have to listen to their mean comments and they will find someone else to pick on.