Hey there.........your post helped me too. I've never read a story so much like my own before. I had so much HATE in my heart then. I feel like I need to whisper this, but I even killed one of my mothers prized violets with Drano one day. Frustration and anger can make a person do terrible things, think terrible things, and no one other than someone who's been through a like situation can relate. Of course, I would never kill anyone, but that just goes to show that a human being can only take so much!
Once you leave their house, please get some counseling for what you've been through. That's what saved me. Feeling so angry and hating another person does not hurt THEM, it only hurts YOU. It can cause depression, anxiety and a host of other ailments. Like I said earlier, once I was away from that situation for a few years and could see them as people who have their own problems and the way I was treated growing up did not necessarily have anything to do with me, that's when the anger and hate drained away. I love my parents today and we have a completely different relationship. Please don't wait until you are in your 40's like I did to forgive. I didn't say FORGET, just try to understand and forgive them. They can't help how they are and they did not purposely bring you into the world to make your life miserable.
Please post again and let me know how you're doing.
Take good care of YOU.........
" I swear, it got so bad with my folks I was fantasizing on poisoning my dad, isn't that scary?"
Wow, our situations really do mirror each other - i know the feeling well. Not that anything like that would be done, but I do relish when he goes on long trips.
"My father was the hoarder and tried to micromanage every single thing I did with my mother never coming to my defense."
Aside from my mother being the hoarder [although my father has taken on a lot of tendencies] this statement fits my situation to a "T". Just hearing/seeing someone write words that could come almost directly out of my mouth makes it a little easier to know that others have had this; have felt this way; that it's a legitimate situation. Not that I would ever want anyone to experience this - if someone else can get through it so can i.
thank you both for your support and kind words
I know that song well, thanks Jenn
I believe theres a song that is appropriate here.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ECznJPcWiRI remeber Seals song,, "crazy"? No we're never gonna survive unlessssss we are a little bit crazyyyy.. family really can make you crazy!
*with apprication* Jenn
Man, I was just in the middle of typing my second PARAGRAPH and my screen went blank!!
Anyway, I was just telling you that my family life was a mirror of yours. I love your phrase "Emotionally Vacant" My father was the hoarder and tried to micromanage every single thing I did with my mother never coming to my defense. I lived with them in my early 30's and it almost killed me. After I moved out and I could BREATHE I began to see them in a different way.....just other people who have been affected by THEIR childhood and only then was I able to have empathy for them both and move on with my life. These sorts of personalities you can't fix and if you don't take care of your own emotional needs then they will drag you down into their abyss. I swear, it got so bad with my folks I was fantasizing on poisoning my dad, isn't that scary?
Just try to get yourself together and move out. Even craziness starts to feel a little normal if you live in it long enough. You will be amazed at how much lighter you feel once your out of that environment.
Best of luck to you.......
agreed, you really do. I was almost frightened by your sharing because I just had the same experince with my inlaws. My MIL is the hoarder, and a huge bully both,, with the father in law just appricating my help but terrified to let me do any real cleaning for fear his wife will fly off at the handle. I tried to help the best I could, to 'fix' the problem as you put it,, but I finally realized you cant make anyone change, they just are the way they are and if they choose to be trapped in their own self created 'hell' then thats what they will do. Atleast untl they come to a point where they feel its no longer working for them,, and choose to adopt new ideas and ways of living.
*blessings to you as you venture out into a new beginning* Jenn