i just want someone to talk to please read and reply

[wasteland41]

ok so heres how i guess im gonna lay it out..im 15 years old my mom dont know who my real dad is neither do i. i dont remember much from younger than age 5 but from what shes addresed me with its not good. after i turned 7 she met a girl, lisa, they got together. i grew up pampered and had everything i wanted until lisa found out about how my momcheated on her with my supposed dad. they split and she helped my mom get a place/car/job/ everything she needed. my mom met a guy ..piece of **** guy. he ruined everything we had goin.after she met him she got back into drinking heavily i witnessed him abouse her for almost 3 years. but we moved from tht place and she lost her job got a dui and lost everything we started moving every month and never got in a stable place. when we moved to newton i was 12. i got involved in some stuff that completely changed who i was. i smoked weed for the first time got involved in gangs and all this stuff. i got a felony charge for B&E and got probation for 6 months. mom had a diff guy in the house every week . all of them beat her. i had to throw one guy accross the room thats was 27 yrs old cuz he spit in her face and i saw it. he left the house runing. after we moved from newton we came to barbs house in maiden and things got a lil better she quit drinkin as much and settled down started going to college and tried to get a job..me and her never got along though we always aruge 24/7. we got kicked out of barbs cuz her nd my mom didnt get along so we wen to robbies for two months . this was around christmas time i was 14 it seems that **** went wrong every christmas for 5 years. im with my grandparents now my dad jus got out of prison in november and he has a job and gots his stuff goin better than my mom. the thing im getting to tho is that i always get down and deppressed for no reason il be doing somthing and then jus feel like **** like noone cares and im unaccomplished and all this then i listen to music for hours on end..idky but i jus connect with it in a weird way. as a matter of fact ive listened to a few songs by staind tht remind me of my past while typing this haha. but i dont like the feelings i get i never paid much attention to them i just thought it was a bad day but now their starting to happen more frequently. ima straight a student and im in jrotc to prpare me for the marines. dont jump on me for telling yall this but i still smoke weed and the past few times ive gotten high ive got into really deep thought about everything and i begin to wonder why im here what am i sposed to do in life why does noone really pay much attention to me and all these other thoughts. om friends with almost everyone but my love life is **** i cant find anyone that i can talk to about anything i bottle all my emotions inside and im afriad if i dont talk to someone that the lids gonna explode off the bottle and im gonna do somthin ill regret...just someone read this and talk to me please

[stopstds]

Dude you are a strong person, Your mom is a sexual being like your father, they are right or wrong is no reason, its upto you to make a choice, work its the best thing to beat any kind of depression, as meg613 said, find a partner who understands you that will reduce the load you carry in your head try to go for a rehab, for de addiction of weed. Look no matter what you cant save your mom, its a natural instinct to be a protector of your mom, but u dont really have a choice, all u can do is try to counsel her if possible else leave it to  her. But you build yourself a place here, in a decent way finish your studies get a job simultaneously once you can take care of yourself can you take care of others, got it! , since nobody knows who your real dad is , just forget it! If u find out good or else not. Dude you already exist thats all, and you got to live your life.But one thing is very important you got to train well that will give you the discipline and strength to take any thing.You are 15 and you have to go through all this HATS OFF DUDE YOU ARE THE CHAMP!!

[meg613]

hey,
sorry you feel so alone, my life has been a breeze in comparrison. you must be so strong to have gotten through that all, although i guess you were not left much choice. although its hard for anyone to accept out parents lives are thier own and sometimes we can influence them but mostly we just can't help. they are meant to protect you not the other way around. i hope your mum gets well again but that can't be your responsibility any more. you need to focus on yourself now and your life, you need to be selfish. our experiences shape who we are but the don't controll us. let your life untill this point shape you and teach you about yourself and what king of person you want to be, you sound like you have a great heart.
but don't let your memories and lonelyness drown you!
you are 15, you have so much time to meet the right person and fall in love and i'm sure you will make an increadible partner in life to someone.
i am so impressed with your grades that is truely amazing for you, what an achievement!
keep going, i will listen if you write to me
megan

[freddie8605]

Hey, sound like you have had a full on life, which no one should go through, even though a lot of people do.  i saw abuse and was abused growing up and i like to look at it as it has matured me and makes me more understanding to others and makes me know what i don't want to be like. my past caused me to get Post- traumatic stress disorder, which includes depression. i never did smoke week though i know a lot of people who do, do you find it kills your motivation and energy levels? or do you find it positive? i love music too.
you can talk to me any time k.