a brief, i have been jobless for over years now, trying but nothing seems to work, i am 37 male, single, live with mother and sisters, and nephews; family tension is always there. and it is frustrating. i am creative, and i am pro-photographer, this gives you an idea that i pay attention to details.
I for as long as i can remember worry a lot,to an extent that it gets to me negatively, even when i was a kid, i remember to have stomach spasm after my school exams.
2 years ago, i suffered, from what i found was Depersonilization or Derealization, due to smoking a couple of puffs of weed, some told me, it is not that, and the over all was stress. but it went well after that...as this feelign started fading away.
lately,i am being consumed by fear, fear of illness, death, and i start analyzing everything that is happening in my body...
i suffered my first anxiety or panic attack last week,and it was scary, did EKG, blood tests, everything was normal,but cant stop thinking of it.. visited a neurologist, who told me that i am in early stages of depression, he gave me dietery supplements,and 0.25 mg xanax at night, to help me sleep.
but still, i have this foggy head,tightness in my chest, i feel like something is holding and strangling my neck,something holding that back of my head,and still worry about everything,and honestly i am becoming creatively pessimistic in all aspects of life.
I am a religious person, and suddenly i start asking question that i can not answer,which creates this kind of being in a dark alley feeling, then thinking about my health,then thinking what;s happening to me? am i going to stay this way? i wasn't like this before,...i want o my old me.
and it frustrates me when i try to talk to someone and he tells me it is all in your head,and you can change your situation, as if i i happy with i am in now, and i want it.
been through a lot lately, i don't know if it depression,or anxiety. will it change when my life style changes...
its just that i feel down, and at times, i feel ok (and i will be very happy), and then boom, down the drain i go again.sometimes i feel i wish i am in dream and snap out of my mood.i dont want to be this way, i want my old me back .
Maybe i need a few words or maybe i just want to let the steam out.
thank you for your time :)