Can't Seem To Feel Joy

[Jshark2250]

Hey guys, I'm new to this forum because I haven't really had any help problems... until recently that is. So I guess I'll start from the beginning.

A few weeks ago I started noticing "changes" in my body (I put "changes" in quotes because I'm not entirely sure if they are actually changes, or if I was just becoming more aware of things). I was experiencing things like muscle fasciculations, jaw pain when I woke up, and joint pain. I was getting afraid that something was very wrong, and I particularly had the idea in my mind that I may have Lyme Disease.

Why was I so afraid of Lyme? Well, my dad has chronic Lyme which is very debilitating, and I was experiencing symptoms very similar to what he experiences (on a lower scale, of course). I was also made aware of how inaccurate Lyme tests are and how the disease is a whole political mess with the insurance companies which leads to some people being improperly treated, sentenced to suffer or be dependent on mess for the rest of their lives.

Once I started thinking I might have Lyme, the symptoms got worse and grew in number (investigating my symptoms with Google surely didn't help). I even started having heart palpitations and extreme anxiety. I eventually got depressed and just felt numb. Eventually I went to a Lyme specialist, and received a super accurate test. It was negative, and I was very relieved (although not as joyful as I thought I'd be).

For a week or so I was back to normal, feeling fine. But then, for a very brief period (like a day tops) I thought that maybe it could be Multiple Sclerosis instead. I was able to quickly convince myself that this is ridiculous and stopped thinking about it. However, my depression and numbness came back. Although it wasn't as bad as it was before, I felt a definite change. It was like I couldn't visualize things as well, and therefor couldn't look forward to things anymore. It felt like my "spark" was gone, for lack of a better term. And I still feel like this. I feel like I can't really experience any sense of joy anymore, at least not to the degree I could before this whole mess.

So there lies my question, what is going on and how can I fix it? It's not an absense of emotions, because I can still feel anger, sadness, and even slight happiness on small occasions. I just feel sort of numb most of the time now. And the worst part is that I can't tell if I'm overthinking it or not. I think I'm a bit of a hypochondriac to a small degree (which happened starting with the Lyme Disease scare).

I should add a couple of things. First, I've been on summer "break" from college and I've been home. All I've been doing is working and not many fun activities compared to the kind of fun I was having in school. I also work very early hours (5 am).

I've been a fitness buff for years now, and I continue to keep myself in shape, but I've lost interest even in that now. I kind of just do it because I know I should.

I also recently took a break from smoking marijuana, which I've smoked daily (usually once a night for sleep and stress relief) but highly doubt it's contributing to this feeling because I started feeling this way before I stopped smoking.

I am going to be seeing a councilor when I get back to school in a couple of weeks, but I just thought I'd post it on here too to see if anyone could suggest anything that could help me get through this state of numbness. It ***** so much. I've been taking fish oil and SAM-e as I read they can treat minor depression. I'm not sure if they're working or not, perhaps slightly. Any and all help will be much appreciated. Thank you all in advanced.

[brice1967]

That's something I would discuss with your doctor.  For the record, it sounds as if you distrust your physician.  Can you get a second opinion?  As for the chemicals, I know nothing about them.  I've got no information on them either.

Sorry that isn't much help.  

[Jshark2250]

Thank you for your reply.

I have contacted my physician and she wants me to take SSRI's. I however think she may have jumped the gun a bit and prefer to try something more natural first. I think my problem is more related to dopamine and not serotonin. Do you think this is a good idea, or should I take my physician's advice?

I also began taking l-tyrosine which I noticed a slight effect, but nothing groundbreaking.

[brice1967]

I'm no doctor and it would be illegal for me to diagnose anything, but some of the symptoms you have are what I had when I was diagnosed as "clinically depressed" or with a "severe depression disorder".  I'm sorry you are going through this.

I think you going to see a counselor when you get back to school is a wise decision.  Self diagnosis ***** and you can manifest any number of symptoms by using Google to research your symptoms and causes.  I did that for a long time, and all of my symptoms where very much "real" to me.

As well as seeing a counselor, I think it might be a good idea to see a physician and have a check up.  maybe there is something wrong adding to the anxiety and depression.  

Some of the symptoms I suffered from were:  I could sleep for 10 hours and wake up exhausted, headaches, back aches, my teeth hurt, my jaw hurt, the muscles in my face hurt, I was disinterested in everything I used to do, I had a hard time around people, I "just knew" something was going to happen to my loved ones and didn't care if anything horrible happened to me.... the list keeps going.

Anyhow, please see some professionals in the medical field whether it be your counselor or even your general physician.  I know my general physician saved my life as soon as I could let go and tell him all of the things that were bothering me.

[Jshark2250]

In the intro paragraph I meant to say "health" problems, not "help" problems.