Aa
Soul screaming won't stop
I think i just need to type something. I can't see my keyboard too good for tears, anger, fear, frustration, agony. Where is my son? I can't beleive that I can't just hop into my car and go visit him, give him a hug, tell him I love him. I cannot believe the bottomless pit of hurt I am in right now. Can't do a damned thing but sit here and cry. I'm a mess. my life is a mess that feels like it's been turned into an incredibly cruel joke. I go to work and act like nothing happened, I smile at people, chat with them and smile. I do my work like a robot. ALL of it a cover for the ugly nasty THING I have become. It's stupid. All of it. I want to just sit and scream until my voice is gone, then scream anyway. I have actually manifested this screaming in the corners of my mouth: they crack, bleed scab up and start over again, as if I open my mouth so far to get the hurt out that I have torn the corners of my mouth. I am not sane. I can't eat. I cry and dry heave. WHERE IS MY SON???
It's been 5 1/2 years since my Son died. I still cry. I don't want not to. I don't want not to grieve my Son. I don't want to not feel the sadness. I'm just saying.........
heartfluttersflyawayplz is correct when She says it gets a "little better with the loss of a Mom (parents) in time but She's not sure with a son". For me, the grief has not lessened in time but has grown with time. I don't want it another way. My life has much happiness, I give and receive great love in my life, etc., etc., but I embrace the sadness I feel at the death/loss of my Son. I don't want it any other way. It is still so fresh for You but in my case it's been longer and I take a sort of comfort in my sadness. I would feel so very, very much sad ER if I didn't STILL feel my sadness, my loss. My loss is GREAT and I don't fight my grief of that, I EMBRACE the grief, it COMFORTS me. I don't ever want to lose my sadness, my grief for my Son.
I'm sorry You are on this path. My heart is heavy for You.
heartfluttersflyawayplz is correct when She says it gets a "little better with the loss of a Mom (parents) in time but She's not sure with a son". For me, the grief has not lessened in time but has grown with time. I don't want it another way. My life has much happiness, I give and receive great love in my life, etc., etc., but I embrace the sadness I feel at the death/loss of my Son. I don't want it any other way. It is still so fresh for You but in my case it's been longer and I take a sort of comfort in my sadness. I would feel so very, very much sad ER if I didn't STILL feel my sadness, my loss. My loss is GREAT and I don't fight my grief of that, I EMBRACE the grief, it COMFORTS me. I don't ever want to lose my sadness, my grief for my Son.
I'm sorry You are on this path. My heart is heavy for You.
my heart hurts for you , I have two sons and don't want to think about them not being her,
I know it has to be so hard everyday to get out of the bed and try to live a life without him, but you have to go on, and am sure he would want you to and be very sad knowing how your living.
but its only been 4 weeks, wow its so soon so yes your going have all thoses feelings. my mom has been gone 13 months and I still cant believe it, it never goes away but I can say it gets a little better with a mom, with a son not sure but my prayers are you start to feel better and try and live a somewhat good life . you need to be with family and friends, go out and try to do things . GOD BLESS YOU
I know it has to be so hard everyday to get out of the bed and try to live a life without him, but you have to go on, and am sure he would want you to and be very sad knowing how your living.
but its only been 4 weeks, wow its so soon so yes your going have all thoses feelings. my mom has been gone 13 months and I still cant believe it, it never goes away but I can say it gets a little better with a mom, with a son not sure but my prayers are you start to feel better and try and live a somewhat good life . you need to be with family and friends, go out and try to do things . GOD BLESS YOU
Thanks... I just feel like I'm dragging around a bag full of rocks, so flipping heavy, I can barely move it. And I am so tired...
God is Love! His power and the very atmosphere of His presence is His divine Love. All of Heaven was created through His divine Love. Everything about God Almighty and the Lord Jesus Christ is one-hundred percent divine love! 1 John 4:16 states, "And we have known and believed the Love that God has for us. God is Love, and he who abides in Love abides in God, and God in him."
Love occupies the SAME space as Fear inside us.
When we fill our Hearts with Love for Ourselves, all our Family,( yes specially for PJ and he's around-never actually left- you did at times but always returned), even for Strangers and for People who don't Love us back, we allow NO room for Fear. Love is a wonderful thing, it is God Himself!
So Blu, let the tears flow, let grief express itself, but don't forget to let God in completely, as you already have the great Gift of Love.
You know this, very deeply inside of you. You will come back soon.
I'm just here to remind you as I know it too, very deeply in my own heart.
Love & Light
Niko
Aaawww, hell, Rosy, I go through these tidal waves of greif over the passing of my son a month ago. That is what you see in my original post. It's almost as if I have a split personality: one that can cope, and one that absolutely cannot. Sorry if I scared you, I just wanted to blow out some 'stuff', and thought this was a good place to do it.
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Grief and Loss Community
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
