I want to help my 42 year old daughter who has mental health problems and is now rejecting me

[Barbo1934]

For years my husband and I have anguished over our relationship with our adopted daughter, who we love very much.  We just had a reunion with her and as is always the case, she was angry all of the time we were with her.  We have helped her out financially whenever she has needed it.  She is very smart and holds down a good job and is on medication...formerly Effexor and now Wellbutrin....and is seeing a mental health professional through her health insurance carrier.  She seems to resent any happiness or good time that we have.  She begs us to come for a visit and when we arrive she almost immediately starts arguments.  We never feel welcome.  This time we told her we would not take any more abuse from her because we are in our mid 70's and have some health problems.  Now we are home, in another state, and I can't stop crying.  I just called Medicare and found out that they only pay 50% for any doctor visit I might make and we really can't afford to pay the balance.  I am so worried that she will commit suicide.  A few years ago she did call a Suicide Hotline and when we found out we made a rush trip to help her.  That was good at first, because we cleaned her apartment and shopped for food and cooked for her and encouraged her to look for a job.  Then she got angy because I talked to the hotline person when he called and she was out.  She threw things at me, cussed me & my husband and I packed our bags an came home, in tears.  It was a 3 day trip in our car & we swore we would never do this again.  Well we have been back 2 times since and still more anger.  She says her meds are helping her mood, but it was very hard for her to get off Efffexor.  She has fatty liver disease and high blood pressure, probably brought on by Effexor.  We are trying to decide what we can do....should we write her a letter...or just wait and see what happens.  In the past, when we have had a blowup, she eventually calls and acts as if nothing has happened and we go along with it to keep the peace.  She is a good person with a good heart and we love her, but can't be around her.  Other people notice her attitude to us, which is different than it is to anyone else.  We just have always said that she can only be her true self with us and we allowed this abuse.  Now we are getting up in years and can't do it any more.  I am at my wits end as to how to help her.  Can anyone help me.

[margypops]

I sympathise I have had a similar situation in my Family, Maybe it is time for you to take a step back and let her need you and come to you, also she could talk to her Doctor as I agree with the previous post the Drugs could be making her aggressive.You could talk to her on the phone and let her let off steam its possible she doesnt mean it, You could tell her she can come to you when she is feeling she can talk to you with less Hostility ,then wait and see ,if she seems Suicidal that could also be the drug they have her on, she could do with getting that checked out soon. Good Luck

[fung]

I'm so sorry for your situation with your daughter. I just want to say, that you are a very good  and caring mother .  Seems that your daughter's behaviour is controlled by her medicines she is taking. Maybe you can talk to her doctor about it? You've done all your best for your daughter ,  what you can only doing is pray for her.
Wish you the best.

[LIZZIE LOU]

i'm soooo sorry you and your husband are having to go through this...especially this late in life.
i dont think you posted this on the correct forum...and you might get a better response on another forum.  i know there is several forums for different mental health issues.  please find one that you think fits your situation and hopefully you will get some responses.