i lost my gramma who was essentially my mom and im having a hard time

[erin626]

My gramma died in january from small cell cancer. She was diagnosed over thanksgiving last year and died on january 12th. It all happened so fast. One minute I was taking her to radiation and having breakfast with her and the next minute she was gone. Since she's died I have been dealing with severe anxiety and depression. My gramma was like my mom. She was always there for me through anything. She was my best friend and my support. I feel so lost without her. Its coming up on a year since her death and the pain is just as bad if not worse. I want to talk to her. I miss going to her house and sitting at the dining room table drinking coffee and just talking. I don't know what to do. I've been seeing a therapist but it hasn't been helping. I feel so lost without her. Is it normal to still be so upset? Just typing this has made me start to cry. What has helped everyone else with the loss of a very close loved one. I want to try and move on with my life but it feels impossible.

[erin626]

Thank you so much. Its been very hard to deal with. I was actually just put on an antidepressant today. I hope thatll help me get through this holiday season. It'll be my first one without her and then the one year anniversary of her death. Its overwhelming right now. The sadness and anxiety have taken a toll on my physical health. I know she wouldn't want this for me and that makes me feel even worse. There's a grief and loss support group at my church that I'm thinking of attending.

I'm sorry about the loss of your mom tablock and at such a young age. That must have been hard. Thank you for the kind words. Its helpful to hear from people who have been where I'm at. My bf hasn't lost someone close to him so he tries to help but can't quite understand why I still cry almost everyday. It really frustrates him sometimes so support here has been a godsend.

[tablock]

Hi Erin,

   My mom died of cancer over 8 years ago.  I was 11 years old, and she was the person I loved the most and was closest to in my life.  You can't just get over your grief.  I still think about my mom almost every day.  However, it sounds like you are very emotionally aware, and that will help you a lot with your grief.  I have been struggling with mine for a long time, but eventually you will be able to start thinking of your grandma and feel joy, not just sadness.  Remember her, how much she loves you, and I hope you can feel happy when you think about her.  Also, sometimes you do just need to cry.  Don't hold your feelings inside. Sometimes, what has helped me, is talking to my mother, just saying things out loud (when I'm by myself).  It's not for everyone, and sometimes it just made me cry, but sometimes it made me feel a lot better.  You will always have your grandma inside you, from her love.

   I wish you all the best, it's a very difficult journey.

[erin626]

Thank you Jim. I'm so sorry for your loss. I imagine that losing your son must have been very hard. I'm glad that there are people out there that know how I'm feeling, although I wish that no one had to feel this kind of sadness. My gram lost her son in 2001 and she cried on my shoulder and I comforted her and felt so bad that I couldn't do anything for her to make it better. But she pulled through and I'm trying to have the strength that she had. I still can't think about our memories without crying but I hope one day I can look back and smile because the memories I shared with her are some of the happiest of my life.

[PromisedLand]

Erin, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss..particularly of such a close and  meaningful relationship you had with your grandmother.  I'm no expert on grief but I've learned through the loss of my son that there is no timetable to "move on"...I still grieve for my son and always will..as time does go on, you will start to focus on the memories and wonderful times..but there's no need to rush it..perhaps there's some community/volunteer work you can do in your grandmother's name/memory?  

Allow yourself the time...to grieve, but be good to yourself...take the time to take care of you..spend time with friends..there will always be things that remind you of her..i was recently in Georgia where my son died 2 years ago and stood on the road where I last saw him drive off and it was tough...you will get through it..

Your grandmother sounds like a wonderful woman..as do you..

don't let people tell you "It's time to move on"...you will know when you're ready

Jim