death of my mother

[rmorriss06]

Hi.
My mother died suddenly 2 years ago of a stroke and at the time (and now at times)it felt/feels like my insides have been ripped out- a big part of me has gone. She was only 50 and was also mother to my 8 years old step brother,- whose arrival seemed to inject a new lease of life into her- she ws so young at heart and positive and I cant believe that she's not here and never will be again. The last two years have just gone by in a blur and I have felt no joy or real happiness since. I was 28 when she died but still living at home ( I think I had yet to sever the apron strings) and we were very close- I've had various problems in the past and she was the strength that helped me.
Now I feel like there is no justice in this world- I just want to die but the pain(of death) has stopped me- I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. I'm not living now- i'm just going through the days hoping for something better- but thats the illusion of life -we are meant to have faith and hope in something- but for what- the aticipation of what may be around the corner- I cant see the point of anything and I dont even know why I'm still writing this as it doesn't really make much grammatical sense. sorry

[AnnieBrooke]

I've heard that the hardest losses are the ones that come at a time when you would naturally be breaking away, if everything had stayed on track.  Thus, parents divorcing when one is 21, or in your case a death at around that time, are harder to get past because you were interrupted in your natural trajectory of separation from the parent and didn't get a chance to live that natural flow yourself, it was taken from you.  I always thought this was interesting because it was true for me, my parents divorced when I was in my early 20s and it took me over a decade to get used to it and stop wishing they were together.  

In your shoes, I would see a therapist and discuss everything.  Your mom wouldn't want this life for you, she would encourage you to get better.  A good therapist will help a lot.  Between talk therapy and maybe antidepressants for a period of time so you can lift out of the gloom, you might find a lot of other things to live for and enjoy again.

[Lisi251]

I understand complety how you feel, I to lost my mother 4 years ago this month.I really felt all thwe same things you mention & didnt think I could even breathe without her.I still have to try to block her out of my mind just to make it through many days & I am sure that will never change.Life as I knew it has been forever changed.

But please honey dont loose your hope & faith keep them alive until you see her again.Love really never dies & God promises us that.Those are the 2 things you really need to make it through.I f you need to talk I am here.

Bless you,
Lisa