EVERY GIRL OUT THERE FEELING ANXIETY ABOUT HIV READ THIS - OVERCOMING MY FEARS

[freedomgirl1010]

Hey there! I will just say my name is A! and like many of you lovely gals! I have been living with a terrible anxiety and fear about my stupid choices through my university years. i come from a very traditional family and I studied abroad in THE UK. Starting uni was great! I didn't had much information about HIV and it was something that really didn't cross my mind as I was worrying more about partying, tindering and enjoying life. Well time passed and during those golden years I had several encounters with guys, mostly one night stands with protection, I was so stupid and immature, but I guessed I was "living" and feeling desire. I have to be honest here because I don't know my number exactly only will be around 50s! and now saying out loud feels so shameful, I would say in drunken night I would have made the mistake ( 4 times to be exact) I had sex without protection without protection. Well times goes didn't got checked, didn't really wanted to get checked! but from time to time i WILL THINK WHAT IF? what if I am sick, if I have HIV , the though of this will really give me a terrible feeling and i will start checking all the symptoms, thinking about if I had any of those. And then my life changes, just like a lot of us we go through stages were we put our priorities , I started a very promising career, I met someone incredible that loved me just the way I was, I had a very supportive family, and the stress came back to myself. What if I passed something to him? SO IRRESPONSIBLE , I didn't got checked because I was scare, I was young, I was stupid. And now after a couple of years later I was regretting every choice I made, I would cry in bed , wouldn't even think in sharing a knife scared as ****! Well this community has really helped me overcoming my fears, after reading every post possible and learning about a disease that its not a life sentence, I took the bandage off. I talked to my boyfriend told him everything about myself, and in my surprise he was very supportive. I tool my HIV test yesterday, and took an auto test too just cause my anxiety was killing me, both came negative and even though those were the longest 15 minutes of my life, I regret nothing, what I do regret is the time I lost thinking about this, about been irresponsible with my actions and not get tested constantly because i felt ashamed. To everyone out there reading everything, be calm! JUST DO IT! make the choices for your life, and learn from it! I was lucky, I feel very blessed and today I start a new life knowing I am clean.

[freedomgirl1010]

Yes! we both got tested, as he was supporting me, and because its actually my first serious relationship. Yes definitely! But now I feel so calm! and for sure doing it once a year from now on, just incase ! Hope this helped you and honestly we are good people , we all make mistakes in the past and we are human! As I hear in one of the posts: "Knowledge gives you power" the knowledge of knowing yourself will give you the tools to either overcome your anxiety or to take actions on whats next. Blessings and hope my experience helps you knowing there is light at the end of the tunnel