Apologies for the long story. I'm dying of anxiety and just need some advice to help me get my mind back. I've done a series of mistakes, as follows:
32 days ago i performe fellatio to an unknown man, I'm pretty sure there was some pre-cum involved but cannot recall details as I was intoxicated. Had a very dry mouth and a cold sore so next day I thought of seeking PEP. Here is where the second mistake begins.
I live in an East European country and in order to get PEP I had to go to the infectious diseases hospital. I went to the ward where HIV people are treated. I begged practically for medication - my second mistake - as the doctor did not intially wanted to give me any, on account of low risk exposure. I was put on Combivir at 12 hours post incident and two days later, at 60 hours, I added Kaltera.
Finished the PEP course w lots of pains ( diarrhea episodes, abdominal cramps, nausea, etc).
My third mistake: when I got the PEP medication I had to give blood right in the infectious diseases ward. This is a very poor hospital and there were serious hygiene issues: nurse did not wear gloves, she touched my vein with bare hands after she swiped with alcohol. What haunts me is that she did not show me the sealed needle as other clinics do. My mistake, for not asking her about th needle in that moment. I simply did not see where the needle came out. Normally, I would try to have reasonable thoughts, but i got my blood draw after other hospital patients with HIV who were in qeue, to have blood draws or treatment. I'm now obsessed that I might have gotten HIV from nosocomial hospital infection, a thought which puts me down.
Again, I would have stayed calm, thinking about real risk (low for fellatio, theoretically non existent had the nurse used a new needle, etc).
However, at day 28, right before PEP ended, I started having rash: first som hives, very itchy on eruption and then persisting over the following days as red itchy dots. Had these hives on my lower feet, on the back of my fingers, on elbows, maybe a few on the back. Literally, i was feeling my skin itchy, i was scratching and then the hive would appear.
But what drives me really scared is that I got several papules about 5mm, that do not itch, are redish and slightly raised, and have persisted (one on my abdomen, one on my shoulder, one on my back and forearm). Since day 28, at end of my PEP and up until today, day 32, I've kept getting this rashes.
At no time had fever, nor any lymph nodes. Pretty much just the rash who is getting scary as I would not have expected.
During this past month i had done some testing: PCR RNA at day 17 not-detectable (i was just trying to exclude ARS at that time), then Ag/Ab Combi tests (4th gen) negative, at day 28 and day 31, when I started getting the rash.
Apologies for the long story, i admit my stupidity (unprotected sex, than uncessesary PEP, than not asking the HIV nurse to show me the needle, put gloves etc). I know testing meeds to be done at 6 weeks, 3 months, etc.
The anxiety I have now is due to thinking that I'm seroconverting. Could it be the nosocomial infection from the poor hygiene in the hospital ward? Could it be the fellatio (which should have been lower risk)?
My skin is still itchy and rash is still persisting. At this point I'm not even sure where i got the exposure from. I'm just desperate and perplexed.
We don't have real HIV support here in this country, medication is scarce, hospitals are making people ill not well, etc. I'm just desperate for how stupid I was.